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A Guide to Manly Manners – 3rd Edition – 2018 – Copyright Real Men Real Style

A GUIDE TO MANLY MANNERS

by

Antonio Centeno

Copyright 2018 by Real Men Real Style

~

License Statement

This ebook is licensed for personal use only. This ebook may not be re-sold

or given away to other people

https://www.realmenrealstyle.com/



COPYRIGHT, LEGAL NOTICE AND DISCLAIMER

This publication is protected under the US Copyright Act of 1976 and all

other applicable international, federal, state and local laws, and all rights

are reserved, including resale rights: you are not allowed to give or sell

this Guide to anyone else.

Please note that much of this publication is based on personal experience

and anecdotal evidence. Although the author and publisher have made

every reasonable attempt to achieve complete accuracy of the content in

this Guide, they assume no responsibility for errors or omissions. Also,

you should use this information as you see fit, and at your own risk. Your

particular situation may not be exactly suited to the examples illustrated

here; in fact, it's likely that they won't be the same, and you should adjust

your use of the information and recommendations accordingly.

Any trademarks, service marks, product names or named features are

assumed to be the property of their respective owners, and are used only

for reference. There is no implied endorsement if we use one of these

terms.

Finally, use your head. Nothing in this Guide is intended to replace

common sense, legal, medical or other professional advice, and is meant

to inform and entertain the reader. So have fun and learn to dress sharp!


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TABLE OF CONTENTS

Copyright, Legal Notice and Disclaimer

Table of Contents

Introduction

Manners vs. Etiquette: An Important Distinction

The Most Important Rule of All

Manners for Every Day

Eye Contact and Greeting on Public Streets

Basic Table Manners

The Minimums for Public Dressing

Hat Etiquette

Manners for the Office

Shared Property

Personal Communications

Business Dining

Office Protocols

Manners for a Night Out

All About Doors

Know When To Tip -- and How Much

Splitting a Check

Flirting and Dating

Manners for Visiting and Hosting

Attending a Party

Hosting a Party

Minding Your Manners Every Day: Good Common Sense

Recommended Products



INTRODUCTION

Manners. Who needs 'em?

Well, turns out everyone does.

Doing the right thing quickly, and with confidence, is one of the most

important parts of your appearance. Hesitate, wondering what the right

thing to do in a particular situation is, and you look like a follower

instead of a leader. Brashly do the wrong thing and you look like a bully

or a boor.

It's not always the most important thing in the world to know which

soup spoon you use first, or whether to walk outside or inside of your

date. But having the basic rules for those circumstances at the back of

your head -- and using a healthy dose of common sense wherever you

go -- can be the difference between a gentleman and just a guy.





MANNERS VS. ETIQUETTE: AN IMPORTANT DISTINCTION

This is a guide to manners. In it, we'll

cover basic rules and expectations for

a wide range of social and professional

situations. Those specific, particular

guidelines are manners.

Etiquette is the broader sum of social

behaviors. It's the ability to carry

oneself in a thoughtful, respectful

manner, rather than a specific set of

rules.

All in all, that makes manners more

daunting for most men. Remembering

lots of individual rules seems

challenging. More importantly, it often

seems frivolous -- will anyone ever

care that much?

The answer is honestly yes. People like

feeling good, and a polite man makes

everyone feel good. By observing a few

small niceties you'll ensure that you're always remembered and well

thought-of.

Happily, most "rules" are more matters of common sense than they are

anything else. Behave respectfully and put other people's needs first and

you'll be doing the right thing 99 times out of 100.





But for those few odd moments where the right thing to do isn't

immediately clear, we've made this guide. It's broken up into sections by

specific social setting, and it addresses all the rules that might trip even

a well-meaning gentleman up.

The Most Important Rule of All

Are your actions making the lives of the people they affect better or

worse? Always strive for the former; always avoid the latter. This is the

essence of a gentleman. All the rest is just details.

Curious about proper manners at social events? Watch this video.


https://youtu.be/XRP7Cj5q74s

https://youtu.be/XRP7Cj5q74s



MANNERS FOR EVERY DAY

Not every situation is a definable one. We spend most of our lives going

from one place to another, or at home, or running small errands. In the

course of all your little tasks you'll inevitably run into other people.

Here are the simple rules for how to interact with them:

Eye Contact and Greeting on Public Streets

You're walking one way. Another man is coming toward you down the

sidewalk. Do you nod in greeting, or not?

The answer varies regionally and culturally. A one-sentence answer

would be convenient but misleading -- you may find yourself in a small

town where anything less than a spoken greeting would be considered

rude, and you may just as easily find yourself on the streets of New York

City where even passing eye contact is considered pushy.





But you can often make an educated guest based on the situation:

If you and the person approaching you are mostly alone on the

street, a greeting is polite.

If it's a very crowded street with people passing every second,

there's no need to try and greet them all. Just make your own way

politely, and return any nods you do get.

Be more conservative at night, particularly when greeting anyone

travelling alone. The later it gets, the jumpier everyone feels about

a stranger speaking to them. Just smile and move past with plenty

of personal space.

Basic Table Manners

Table manners are usually where the most emphasis gets put on very

small, detailed rules, and there's really no reason for it to be that way.

Everything from a small family dinner to a black tie banquet can be

handled the same basic way:

Find your place at a table by either looking for your name card or

waiting for the host or wait staff to seat you. Then stand by your

chair so that you can help any ladies seated next to you with

theirs, and wait until the host or hostess takes his/her seat to take

yours.

Wait to start eating until the host or hostess has either started or

has told people to please go ahead. At very large banquets where

it takes time for each course to make its way up the table, it may




be appropriate to start eating once everyone at your table or

section has been served.

Use your silverware from the outside in, one course at a time.

Anything placed above the plate is for dessert and coffee, and the

butter knife will usually be on or next to the bread plate. If the

setting includes a small fork on the right side (opposite the rest of

the forks) it is meant for shellfish.

Hold red wine glasses by the bowl and white wine glasses by the

stem. It helps keep the wine at its optimal temperature.

It is acceptable to tip bowls slightly to get the last few spoonfulls,

but tilt it away from you so that any splashes do not endanger

your clothes or the clothes of other diners.





Elbows may be laid lightly on the table, but your weight should

never rest on them, particularly when you are actively eating.

If you need to leave the table during the meal, a polite "Excuse

me" is all you need to say. Do not explain where you are going,

particularly if it is the bathroom.

Wait for the host or hostess to rise before leaving the table.

Learn the basics of dining etiquette & table manners in this video.


https://youtu.be/HDTB7jsc0UY

https://youtu.be/HDTB7jsc0UY



The Minimums for Public Dressing

You don't have to whip out your good

dinner jacket for a run to the grocery

store, but no one takes a man in his

pajamas seriously. Observe a few basic

minimums for dressing like a functional

adult whenever you lose your house:

Anything with stains or holes

should be reserved for chores

around the home.

If you wear the same shirt or pair

of pants two days in a row, people

will notice. Even if you don't think

they will, they'll notice.

Dress shirts aren't meant to be worn untucked. Get a softer cotton

work shirt with a shorter, even-length hem if you're going to wear

it untucked.

Leathers should match, whether you're wearing black or brown.

If your pants have belt loops, wear a belt.

Well-fitted trousers should hide your socks entirely when you

stand.

If you wear a jacket, put a pocket square in the left breast pocket.

This demonstrates basic fashion competence.


http://www.mtmt.us/mmfe1r2m



Hat Etiquette

Hats look great on guys; they also

often confuse guys. The rules aren't

actually that hard:

Remove your hat when being

introduced to someone, or

when greeting a member of the

opposite sex.

Remove your hat when you sit

down, and when you enter a

building where you intend to

sit down (such as a restaurant

or a theater). Always remove it

when entering a private

residence.

Hats may stay on in most public buildings where you are not

being seated (stores, etc.)

It is not necessary to remove your hat in a bar. However, if you sit

to converse with a member of the opposite sex, remove it.





MANNERS FOR THE OFFICE

Good manners at work are happily consistent. A selfish jerk is a selfish

jerk, whether he's wearing coveralls at the grease pit or a three-piece

suit at the bar. And it's easy not to be that guy:

Shared Property

"The tragedy of the commons" should always be avoided in the

workplace. Any shared resource needs to be treated with respect, and a

gentleman should always strive to leave any piece of equipment in

better shape than he found it.

If you take the last cup of coffee, make another pot. If co-workers

take turns bringing beans in, don't try to avoid your turn, and

bring something nicer than the bargain brand.





You dirty a dish,

you wash the dish.

Then you dry it and

put it away. The job

isn't done until it's

back where it came

from.

Cover your food

with an unsealed

lid or a paper towel

when you use the

microwave. Clean

any spills or spatters immediately, as they will cook on and

harden over multiple uses.

Restock printers and copy machines after using them. Don't wait

for it to run out -- every time you make the trip, stick an inch or

two of paper in the tray to top it off.

Personal Communications

Barring high turnover rates, you're stuck with your co-workers. Being

pleasant to them isn't just the right thing to do, it's vital to your

happiness and theirs. Avoid causing friction by speaking like a

gentleman:

If you're raising your voice, you're probably wrong about what

you're saying. Take the time to cool off before speaking again.

Never swear. Even if it's common and accepted in your workplace

you don't want the habit following you elsewhere. More





importantly, the words are basically meaningless filler, and over

time they teach people that a lot of what you say can be ignored.

Bosses are bosses. Even if you're on friendly terms, follow their

directions and don't talk too familiarly inside the office. Show a

little deference. If you have to disagree, do so politely and

formally rather than appealing to your friendship.

Keep your personal conversations to a minimum and your voice

low if you work in a cubicle or other open office environment.

Other people are trying to work.

When you leave a job, do it graciously and resist the temptation to

burn bridges with people you never liked. There's no reason to go

out of your way to make their day worse -- and you never know

when you're going to see them again.

Get some tips on office manners. Watch this video.


https://youtu.be/Z-RggtgH390

https://youtu.be/Z-RggtgH390



Business Dining

A lot of business takes place over food. Observe basic good table

manners, and also remember that you're still in a "workplace." Behave

like it.

Personal conversation or "small talk" is typical up until orders are

placed. Wait for the person who set the event up to make the

segue (phrases like "let's get down to business" are good tip-offs)

before bringing up any business matters.

Don't order the most expensive thing on the menu. If it's on

someone else's dime it's rude, and if you're paying your own

check it makes you look profligate. You don't have to starve

yourself, but exercise a little restraint.

It is never mandatory to order an alcoholic beverage, and more

than two will likely be bad for whatever business you happen to

be conducting.

Typically the person who issues the invitation will pay the bill.

You do not need to offer to split. Similarly, if you invite people to a

business meal, don't ask them to split the check with you, and if

they offer, decline.

It's always worth wearing at least a jacket to a business outing,

even a casual lunch.




Office Protocols

There are a few odd rules of business that don't apply anywhere else,

and that even contradict some commonly-held manners:

While it is usually polite to help with a lady's chair when she sits

or stands, you do not do this in business settings. Let everyone

handle their own chair unless there is a physical need for

assistance.

Gifts should never be exchanged in a business environment.

Personal gifts to business friends around the holidays, or as a

hostess gift if they invite you to your house, are appropriate, but

never anything of excessive value.

How do you make an online introduction? Get tips from this video.


https://youtu.be/egiPDT3RGyI

https://youtu.be/egiPDT3RGyI



Business conversations should never be held in an elevator. You

don't know who's going to get on or off, and you don't want to

seem self-absorbed to the other passengers regardless.

Lapse into a polite silence or bring up something casual and non-

business-related for the duration of the ride.

Handshakes aren't a way to impress the other person with your

power. Grip firmly, make eye contact, and shake once. More than

that looks like you're trying too hard to impress.

Just use one hand; touching the other person's arm with your free

hand is too intimate for most business settings.


https://www.realmenrealstyle.com/3-social-tips/



MANNERS FOR A NIGHT OUT

Whether it's with a first

date, your wife of fifty

years, or a group of friends,

a social outing is the perfect

time and place to be a

gentleman. You're right

there with a small and

intimate group whose good

time will be directly

influenced by your

behavior. Go the extra mile

to make their experience a

good one.

All About Doors

Men who ask us about etiquette hate the door question.

Who goes first, do you hold it for strangers or just the person you're

with, what about revolving doors...it's a daunting subject.

But happily, the "rules" are really more common sense than anything

else.

The ultimate goal is always to make things easier for everyone.

If following a "rule" would mean diving across people, knocking

over packages, pushing doormen aside, etc., there's no reason to

do it.





In general, hold regular

swinging doors for your

companions and anyone who

happens to get there at the

same time as you. There's no

need to stand there holding it

for more people after that.

Doors to public buildings

almost always open outward

(it's fire code in most places).

That means it's best to be a

half-step or so ahead of

everyone, with the door

handle in easy arm's reach.

That way you can take the

handle, pivot, and swing the

door open without forcing anyone to an awkward stop.

Enter revolving doors first. That way you can give a small push to

do the hard work of starting the door's movement. Always wait

for an empty section of the door so that you're not crowding

anyone else's personal space.

If you happen to be in a bad position to grab a door, let a

companion do it without making a show of trying for it. You can

get the next one.





Know When To Tip -- and How Much

Tipping was originally purely a gesture of thanks for good service.

Unfortunately, it's now a calculated part of many professions' wages.

That means that people are actually dependent on tips, rather than

merely grateful for them. Being a gentleman means knowing the

expected amount that's essentially the worker's wage -- and then

tipping beyond that if the service merited thanks.

Always carry $10-20 in small bills specifically for tips when you

go out on the town. It makes tipping infinitely easier, and makes

you look prepared.

The table waiter at a restaurant should always be tipped 15% of

the before-tax bill. For good service or specific requests, up it to

20%. Anything beyond that is a generous gesture.

Here’s a video on how to tip correctly:


https://youtu.be/L_RVm9co8BI

https://youtu.be/L_RVm9co8BI



Taxi drivers or chauffeurs (in the case of a hired car/limo, not a

permanent employee) should also be tipped 15%. In the case of a

small taxi fare, round up as needed so that you're not tipping less

than a dollar or two. Handing someone pocket change as a tip is

just insulting.

Valets should be tipped a dollar or two when they bring the car

around. Anything more than $5 is extravagant.

Bartenders can be tipped 15% of the final bill, or if you're paying

as you go one to two dollars per drink. If you plan to stay at a bar

for a long time, it's always a good idea to open with a $5 tip and

then drop down to the usual amount.

If you use a coat check, tip a dollar per item when you retrieve

them.

Washroom attendants often have a plate for coins, in which case

fifty cents or so is appropriate. If there is no plate and cash has to

be exchanged directly, tip a dollar. Again, handing people pocket

change just feels petty.





If you ask the wine steward for specific help, tip him 15% of the

wine bill when you stand to leave. If he doesn't happen to be

around, ask the maître d' to send him your way.

Speaking of the maître d' -- you don't need to tip him/her, and you

should never do it before being seated in the hopes of getting a

better table. This is one of those awkward gestures that makes

polite people wince.

If someone calls/hails a cab for you, tip that person a couple

dollars.

Never under-tip to show irritation. Tip the base expected amount

and then write a note or speak to the manager privately the next

day. (Asking pointedly to speak to the manager then and there is

also unacceptable.)

How do you tip at hotels? Check out this video to find out.


https://youtu.be/QrKhdr3VHNo

https://youtu.be/QrKhdr3VHNo



Splitting a Check

There's nothing more disheartening than watching well-educated

grown-ups stumble through splitting a check like a math test they didn't

study for. Being prepared and decisive will help you get the whole group

through painlessly:

Always have enough cash on hand for any venue you plan to visit.

A good helping of small bills will help people who didn't have your

foresight make change, especially if they end up relying on $20s

from an ATM.

If you know the bill is going to be split and your party is small

(four or less), it's acceptable to ask your server before he/she

takes your order if the check can be split for you. This usually isn't

too much trouble as long as the party is small and the request is

made before anything is entered into the system.

Larger parties should not request a split check. It's an

unnecessary burden on the server (and may cause difficulties if

they use a system that applies an automatic gratuity to parties of

six or more, as many do).

When the check comes, take it, figure your bill, and put as close to

the exact amount as possible on the tray or folder. Then pass it to

the next person paying. Don't forget to figure your own share of

tax and tip, always rounding up.

If other people at the table can't seem to do the math, it is

acceptable to ask "Would you like me to give you a hand?" If they




say yes, go ahead and figure it for them. Again, be sure to include

tax and tip on their total, rounding up.

If the finished pile of cash comes up short, don't make a big show

of figuring out who miscalculated. Give the table a moment for

someone to realize their mistake, and if no one speaks up, cover

the extra few bucks yourself. Someone else will do the same for

you some day.

While it is possible to hand a waiter multiple people's credit cards

and a single bill, with the various items circled and connected

with arrows to the various credit card numbers, it is also bad form

and makes your entire party look inept.





Flirting and Dating

Few outings are more fraught than a

romantic one. A single gentleman just

starting to date or one whose

relationship is growing more serious

both need to observe specific courtesies

of courtship:

There's nothing wrong with

striking up a conversation with a

stranger at a bar or a concert, but if

they're giving short answers and

not engaging you, it's a signal that

your advances aren't appreciated.

And, obviously, take a quick look

for wedding rings before starting

anything that could be perceived as flirting.

Do the little things for a date: hold doors for her, help her take her

coat off it (and check it if relevant); hold her chair for her when

she sits and stands.

In general, do not order for your date. It may be appropriate

between long-standing and intimate couples who know each

other's habits, but it is presumptuous and condescending in the

early stages of a relationship.

Typically, whoever extends the invitation pays the check. Don't

make a show of always paying for everything. If someone invites

you to dinner, let them pay, and reciprocate by extending an





invitation of you own, whether it's to another dinner or a show

later that same evening or something else entirely.

Flowers are not necessary, but I've yet to meet someone who was

genuinely displeased to receive them.

Dress like you care about it. At a minimum, you should probably

be wearing a jacket, unless the date is in a very casual setting.

If you're on a date anywhere with live music and a dance floor

(whether you planned on it or not), you need to ask your date to

dance at least once. Don't go to places with dance floors if you're

unwilling to do this.

If a good-night kiss on the first date is desired, it will be very clear

to you. Let the moment happen naturally, but don't go for one if it

doesn't come up, and don't ruin the moment by suggesting

anything more intimate.





MANNERS FOR VISITING AND HOSTING

Throwing a party and attending one are two sides of the same coin. Both

are the art of helping an event flow smoothly without making yourself

the center of attention. In either case your goal is the same: show

appreciation for your friends and encourage them to have the best time

possible.

Attending a Party

If the invitation says "RSVP," do so, promptly.

When attending a party at someone's house, bring a small

"hostess gift." A nice box of chocolates or a bottle of good wine are

always appropriate, as are small household items like a pair of

glasses or a set of coasters.





Arrive at least five minutes after the official invitation time, but no

later than half an hour. Arriving early may interrupt last-minute

preparations that your host would rather not have you see, while

showing up excessively late is always rude.

Observe whatever dress code is relevant. When in doubt, ask

other guests or the hosts beforehand.

Shoes on or shoes off is always an awkward question in a private

home. Your hosts will hopefully meet you at the door -- take a

quick look and follow their example. If you do wear your shoes

into the house, make sure they're wiped clean.

Avoid making any toasts, speeches, or other displays that demand

attention from other guests unless you have been specifically

asked to.

Thank your hosts for inviting you when you arrive, thank them for

the lovely time when you leave, and thank them for both in

writing the next day.




Hosting a Party

A good invitation should

include the following

information: time, place,

contact information, dress

code if relevant, and the

times for any specifically-

scheduled events. If you

expect RSVPs, use those

letters prominently.

Always plan on about 10-

20% more guests than you

receive RSVPs from even if

you did put it on the

invitation.

Never invite people to something they have to pay for themselves.

If your party involves a meal or entertainment, you are

responsible for the bill.

Welcome people at the door and let them know what to do with

their coats and footwear. If you're expecting people to be

reasonably well-dressed it's usually best to plan on everyone

keeping their shoes on -- women in particular may not care for

wearing their good dresses and hose in stocking feet.





MINDING YOUR MANNERS EVERY DAY: GOOD COMMON SENSE

For a lengthy list of rules, everything we've said here is remarkably easy

to perform in your day to day life. They're really nothing more than a

good set of suggestions for making everyone's life easier and more

pleasant.

Remember the fundamental rule of good manners:

Are your actions making the lives of the people they affect better or

worse? Always strive for the former; always avoid the latter.

The small things count. But they count because they're part of the big,

important idea that is being a true gentleman.


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