MUELLER

PUBLISHED AT DECATUR, ILLINOIS

BENJAMIN FRANKLIN -CENTURIES FAIL TO DIM HIS GREATNESS

JANUARY, 1944

H-10840 METER YOKE

DEPENDPBLEPROTECTIONNo amount of war time economies, such as steppedup water meter testing and repair work will be ofany value if your meters are improperly protectedwhen installed. Vibrations, shifting and settlingpipes, misalignment, heavy loads on the meter boxare negative factors contributing to damagedmeters or improper registering of the water used.

One sensible way to eliminate these faults is toinstall MUELLER Meter Yokes. Pipes are held inaxial alignment with the MUELLER yoke. The metercannot get out of line so it is fully protected. Meteris quickly installed or removed. Pipe can be put inpermanently before the meter is needed. Thebuilt-in stop makes it possible to remove meters atany time without tinkering with the pipes.

As a companion piece, protect your meters furtherwith the MUELLER Meter Box Cover. The truss typedesign provides maximum strength with minimumweight. The worm type lock prevents tamperingand is made to force the lid open or closed. Lidcannot stick. Bronze parts prevent rust. Here is thebest cover made. . . Ask us about these items today.

U E L L E R CO.D E C A T U R B,

FOUNDED 1857

I L L .

H-10810 METER BOX COVER

THIS AD WILL APPEAR IN "WAJER WORKS <f J*N-

OFFICERSADOLPH MUELLER

Chairman of Board andGeneral Manager

WILLIAM E. MUELLERPresident and Treasurer

LUCIEN W. MUELLERV. P. and Works Manager

r. w. SIMPSONV. P. in Charge of Sales

I. W. WELLSSecretary

R. H. MUELLERChief Engineer

FRANK H. MUELLER

Development

M U E L L E RR E C O R D

PUBLISHED

AT DECATUR. ILLINOIS

BY MUELLER CO.

Water, Plumbing and Gas Brass Goods

86th Year in Business

MAIN FACTORY ANDOFFICE

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PACIFIC COAST FACTORYLos Angeles, Calif.

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CANADIAN FACTORYMUELLER, LTD.Sarnia, Ontario

BRANCHESNew York, San Francisco

Vol. XXXIII JANUARY, 1944 No. 304

CHANGED MANY TIMES

New Year Has Been Celebrated at Vari-ous Dates in Different Countries

The observance of New Year's datesback to the Babylonians, but was muchdifferent from the modern way of cele-brating. It lasted for eleven or twelvedays. Authorities tell us that NewYear was known 3,000 years B. C. Itseems to have been a pagan customknown as Zakmuk.

The prolonged festival was associatedwith the sun god Marduk, and it didnot occur in January, as now, but inthe month of Nisan, afterwards knownas March.

The Jewish Puvin Feast, the Greekfestival of Cronos, the Roman Saturnaliaand the modern carnival seem to haveall had affinity with the Babylonianceremony. However, the observancesdid not fall on the same date. Thevernal equinox marked the New Yearfor Babylon, the autumn that of theEgyptians, Phoenicians and Persians.

Rome Changed It

The year of the Romans ended at thewinter solstice until Julius Caesar but-ted in with his characteristic ego anddecided on January 1st as the beginningof the New Year. However, we haveno quarrel with Caesar. He did manyother things that were less pleasantto us. Custom reconciles us to every-thing, and we accept it in preferenceto Carlyle's claim that "custom dothmake dotards of us all."

Customs may not be as wise as lawsbut they are always more popular. Whilewe all seek to obey laws, objectionable

as they may be, we refuse to departfrom customs. In fact an old legalmaxim advises that, "Custom rules thelaw" which we accept graciously, inthe hope that someone will bring it tothe attention of Washington.

A Few Preserve Old Date

A few nationalities still follow in thefootsteps of their predecessors. TheJewish New Year comes in September,and the Chinese make their's moreelastic—any time between January 21and February 19. "Merry Old England"bounced around through a few centuriesbefore climbing into the January 1stband wagon. They did this as late as1752. Prior to that they observed theday on December 25, and then on March25.

The original idea of New Year seemsto be based on the revival of the sun'sstrength. Giving presents on New Year'sDay was a Roman custom, and was ob-served in France and England, in thelatter country as late as the 17th cen-tury. The practice is still followed inFrance, Scotland and a number of othercountries.

• • •

WINTERI crown the k ing of intimate delights,Fireside enjoyments, home born happiness,And al l the comfor ts t h a t t i l e lowly roofOf undisturbed re t i r ement , and the hoursOf long uninterrupted evening know.

Cowper—"The Task.

( i o v e r n m e n t has come to be a trade, andis managed solely on commercial principles.A man p lnnges in to polit ics to make bisfortune, and only cares t l ia t t h e world shalllast bis days.—Emerson.

T H E M U E L L E R R E C O R DPublished at Decatur, Illinois, by MUELLER CO.,Manufacturers of Vital Spots Products for the Plumb-ing, Water and Gas Industries.

C. N. WAGENSELLER, Editor

TEN LITTLE WORDS

Each A Volume In Meaning As PointedOut By Dr. Funk

William Funk is a lexicographer, au-thor and dictionary publisher. He iswidely known and generally acceptedas an authority. Therefore his opinionon the meaning of a word carries weightand few there are who would venture toengage him in argument on the correct-ness of definitions. His latest work isa volume entitled, "30 days to a morepowerful vocabularly".

Dr. Funk has selected ten words towhich he gives their extreme in meaning.

The most bitter word—aloneThe most revered—motherThe most tragic—deathThe most comforting—faithThe saddest—forgottenThe most beautiful—loveThe most cruel—revengeThe most peaceful—tranquilityThe warmest—friendshipThe coldest—no.

In a previous selection he held thatthe ten most beautiful words in the Eng-lish language were: dawn, hush, lullaby,luminous, murmuring, chimes, tranquil,golden, mist, melody. •

• • •POINSETTA

This flaming flower is a native ofMexico and Central America, and isgenerally grown in green houses in thenorth, but in the south it blooms pro-fusely out of doors. Its introduction iscredited to Joel R. Poinsett, a southCarolinan, a former member of Congress(1821-25, Secretary of War 1837-41) andU. S. Minister to Mexico 1825-29.

• • •Blood Donors Appeal

The Red Cross has accepted MiltonBerle's blood donor appeal, towit: "If youcan't send yourself, send your blood. If youcan't be a private, be a corpuscle!" And weadd if you can't be a corpuscle try being acorpse.

MUDDLED PHRASES

Furnish More Laughs Than Jokes OfProfessional Writers

The professional humorist is a "lameduck" in creating a laugh, compared tothe unconscious humor which springsfrom the spoken or written word ofthose who are handicapped in expressingtheir thoughts. If you doubt this trythe following on your "laugh-o-meter."They are excerpts from letters of moth-ers and wives of service men. The writerswere applicants for proper allotment.Read the following and laugh—let thebuttons fall where they may.

"My husband has worked on shift forabout two months, and now he has leftme and I aint had no pay since he hasgone or before either."

Will Not Change"Both of my parents is poor and I

can't expect nothing from them as mymother has been in bed for one yearwith the same doctor and won't change."

"Please send me my wife's form to fillout."

"I have already wrote to the Presidentand if I don't hear from you I willwrite to Uncle Sam and tell him. aboutyou both."

"This is my eighth child. What areyou going to do about it?"

"I can't get my sick pay. I got sexchildren. Can you tell me what this is."

Shame On the Parson"I have already had no clothing for

this year and have been regularly visitedby the clergy."

"Sir: I am forwarding my marriagecertificate, and my two children. Oneis a mistake as you can see."

"Please find out for certain if my hus-band is dead, as the man I am livingwith won't eat or do anything till henose for sure."

"In answer to your letter, I gave birthto a boy weighing 101 pounds. I hopeyou are satisfied."

"I have no children as my husbandis a truck driver and works day andnight."

"In accordance with your instructions,I have given birth to twins in theenclosed envelope."

M U E L L E R R E C O R D

Take -Qnothet JHoolc, Att. M&n

EMPLOYMENTAPPLICATION

H E R E

Copyright 1943 Jay-Kay

"What do you mean—my form isn't filled out properly?"

YOU MIGHT TRY THISThe following is the basis for a sen-

sible New Years resolution. Its aboutas old as wishing "A Happy New Year",but if followed you'll dodge lot of use-less worry. It's not too late to adopt itnow for 1944.

"There are only two reasons forworry. Either your successful or you'renot successful.

And if you're successful there's no-thing to worry about. If you're notsuccessful, there's only two things toworry about—your health is either good,or you're sick.

And if your health is good, there isnothing to worry about, and if you'resick—there's only two things to worryabout. You're either going to get wellor you are going to die.

If you're going to get well, there'snothing to worry about; if you're notgoing to get well, there's only two thingsto worry about. You're either going toHeaven, or you are not going to Heaven.

And if you are going to Heaven,there's nothing to worry about; and ifyou are going to the other place, you'llbe so doggone busy shaking hands withold friends you won't have time toworry."

J A N U A R Y , 1 9 4 4

SHIP CAPACITYLandlubbers have little conception of

the carrying capacity of an ocean-goingvessel. This varies, of course, with thesize of the vessel, but even the smallerones are of deceiving space. Some timeago a convoy of approximately 40 shipssailed from an East Coast port ladenwith materials for the battle fronts. Tofill those ships, it took nearly 300 milesof freight cars. The materials deliveredto the loading port originated from 20different points in the United States.

It is said, with seeming authority,that a ship is the largest structurecapable of motion that man has everbuilt. Easily believed when one con-siders the Normandie. This great hulkas a moving steamship was a marvelin speed and beauty, which increasesour wonder when we realize that thehull, a dead weight on the bottom of theHudson river, was raised and floated byman's feeble efforts. Surely "there aremore things in heaven and earth, Ho-ratio, than are dreamed of in yourphilosophy."

£et Slip TkeMark Anthony in his famous oration

over Caesar made use of the phrasewhich heads this article. We are leftto guess his meaning. He may have re-ferred to mankind or perhaps to ourfour-footed friends. Dogs in war arenothing new, they were used long beforethe time of Julius Caesar. In moderntimes we have only to go back to thefirst Worlds War. The Germans then had2500 dogs on battle fields to find woundedmen. The National Geographic Societyadvises that at least 8000 injured sol-diers were saved.

France used dogs too, and at the arm-istice 15 were decorated with gold col-lars for distinguished service on thebattle field. Belgians used dogs to haulmachine guns and light artillery. It isestimated that 10,000 dogs were used inthe first war, now we are using them.

The fitness of dogs in war is empha-sized by the fact that they are creditedby zoologists with being the most in-telligent of all animals, their acute senseof smell, hearing and sight.

The latest list of eligible canines isgiven by Major General Edmund Gre-

f U/at .

Guard Ed McAuley with "Tiveedie"

gory, quartermaster general of the army.Airdale Terriers, Alaskan Malamutes,

Belgian and German Shepherds, Boxers,Bull Mastiffs, Curly Coated, Chesapeake,Flat Coated and Labrador Retrievers,Dalmatians, Doberman Pinchers, Eski-mo and Siberian Huskies, Giant Schnau-sers, Irish Water Spaniels, Mastiffs andcross-breeds of these various dogs.

It is yet too early to determine thevalue of dogs in the military service.This will come to us after the close ofthe war.

However, many civilian industrial con-cerns have come to recognize the realvalue of dogs as guardians of property.Among these is the East Bay MunicipalDistrict of Oakland, California.

The training of these intelligent "bestfriends of man", is along the same linesas the dogs of war, and is interesting.

They are on duty 16 hours day andnight. "Flashes", house magazine ofUtilities says of these dogs, "their ser-vice is invaluable. They go on duty at4 p. m. accompanying the guards, andreturn to their kennels at 5 a. m." Thesedogs are sensitive, alert creatures, hear-ing and seeing everything on the darkestnight. Anyone trying to crash the gateor fence is in immediate danger of at-tack. The animals are trained to gettheir man. The animals are especiallytrained to watch a hand that clenches aclub or gun, and to seize and hold onuntil the guard can apply handcuffs.Ordinarily the dog will not wound thevictim unless the victim struggles orputs up a fight.

Four of the dogs are Doberman Pin-chers and the fifth is a German Shep-herd. The Dobermans are tan coloredand the Shepherd white. The health andphysical condition of these dogs is su-pervised with as much thought and careas that of a human being. Their kennelsare clean, ventilated and heated. Thesedogs are strong enough to overpower anyman and take a 9 foot fence at one jump.They are trained to work with any manwith whom they become thoroughly ac-quainted but cannot be touched or ap-proached by strangers unless their mas-

M U E L L E R R E C O R D

ters let them understand that the personis friendly. Any motion of harming theguard is simply a signal of attack andthe dog immediately takes up the battle.

Following the war we expect to hearmany wonderful tales of their valiantservice.

Every dog has his day. This is a triteand true saying. These animals areequally valuable in a home as on thebattlefield if treated decently and pro-perly cared for. Our own little cockerspaniel is proof of this. She is a splendidlittle watch dog, of fine pedigree, andher affection is boundless. She cost a

pretty penny, but she could not bebought for ten times the sum.

Like all citizens we are a target fortaxes, but there is one tax we pay wil-lingly and gladly—and that's the privi-lege of keeping Skippy safe from the dogcatcher and his dirty pen.

• • •

SEA WATER TO DRINKWhen Coleridge penned "The Ancient

Mariner", he included these lines:Water, water everywhere,Nor any drop to drink

which emphasizes the known fact, thatsea water is salty, or brackish and in-creases rather than slakes the thirst.Man's ingenuity has finally changed thisnatural condition. The Naval MedicalResearch Institute, Bettiesday, Md., pro-vided means of conversion of sea waterinto potable drinking water. If possiblefor use of ship-wrecked sailors this pro-cess will remove one of the horrors ofthe sea, as well as prolonging life.

The procedure requires 45 minutesalthough an experienced operator cando it in less than a half hour. The equip-ment consists of four plastic filters, buta two bag method is practicable, if eachis equipped with a filter. Through thisprocess the water can be made safe todrink.

When made over into potable waterit is left with a sulphur taste, but this isnot objectionable as this taste is muchlike that of some spring waters.

Guard William L. Chamberlain with "Flash"; Howard H. MarkJuim find "Dorgie"; andWilliam L. Lehman with "Prince".

J A N U A R Y , 1 9 4 4

I'M TELLIN' YOU

• "What's cookin' "? is now a serious ques-tion instead of slang.

• Many an argument is sound, but mostof them are just noise.

• To escape criticism is easy—do nothing,say nothing, be nothing.

• In North America there are 1500 varietiesof apple trees. One in the Garden of Edenwas enough to start all our troubles.

• "Keep the Home Fires Burning" is stilleasy vocally, but doing it with fue l is some-thing else.

• The "Forgotten Man" will not be forgot-ten this year, at least not by the candidateson election dav in November.

• When you go to the meat market now,don't forget that you pay, but you also haveto play—and the steaks are high.

• Buy Bonds u n t i l you are busted—hutthe chickens will come home to roost, biggerand better at no fa r -d i s tan t day.

• We read: "I t looks l ike silk stockingsarc on their last legs." Better say that leg?are in their last silk stockings'.

• Non-poli t ical observation: Big game thiscoming November—keep your eye on theumpire to be.

• Correcting a false impression: "The manwho writes the bank advert isements is notthe man who makes the laws."

• The old fash ioned girl b lushed at a risquestory but today they memorize them toincrease their circulat ion.

• Suggestion—Let's send the Lone Rangerto take care of the Japs and Germans. Henever loses!

6

• There is jus t one New Year's resolutionfor the i n d i v i d u a l and the nation—WINTHE WAR.

• People who don't take cold haths do nothave rheumatism, we are advised, hut theysmell bad, which is worse.

• The sweetest story of the war will hejus t two final words—"cease firing." Andthe supplemental story is likewise to bethe most joyful—"Begin shouting."

• Resolutions won't rid you of bad habits,even though made on New Year's Day, butdon't give up—you may outgrow them—some day.

• On January 8, 1790, George Washingtonsaid: "A free people ought not only to bearmed, but disciplined." Good advice thenand better now.

all old Dobbin is a pretty good„__„„ in this day and age of rationing.You don't have to fill his tank with alcoholthat you can't get.

• Afteguess

• All the smoke is not on the battlefield.The pipe dreams arc sending up vast cloudsof it smoking the war tobacco tincturedwith Utopian visions of an ideal new world.Pleasant pastime but it doesn't rhyme.

• The q u e s t i o n is asked, "How closely doyou read a newspaper?" Close enough todetermine that no harm would be donethe reader had fifty per cent of the contentsbeen le f t out.

• Away back the gentleman asked: "Doyou object if I smoke." And the answerwas, "Oh, no. I dearly love the smell oftobacco." Nowadays: "Well, kid, I'm light-ing a nail, whatta you say? Any kick corn-in '?" The'answer is: "Heck no. Shoot thepack and I ' l l join you."

® The papers and magazines continue tocite examples of the great savings resultingfrom discontinuing use of this, that andthe other thing. All very interest ing butthe thing that intrigues our curiosity is toknow what is done with the savings? Thereis only one thing to do—Buy Bonds.

M U E L L E R R E C O R D

Lord God of Hosts, be with us yetLest we forget, Lest we forget.—KIPLING

La Rochefoucald:—Although n i i ' i i H a t t e r themselves wi ththei r great actions, they arc not so oftenthe result of great design as of chance.

Lavater:—Act well at the moment , and you haveperformed a good action to all eternity.

Anon.:—When reduced hy adversi ty , a man for-gets the lof ty tone and the superci l iouslanguage of prosperity.

Pope:—Judge not of actions hy their mere effect ;Dive to the center, and the cause detect;Great deeds from meanest springs may

take their course,And smallest virtues from a mighty

source.Thomas:—

Unselfish and noble acts are the mostradiant epochs in the biography of souls.When wrought in earliest youth theylie in the memory of age, like the coralislands, green and sunny, amidst themelancholy waste of ocean.

Johnson:—As adversity leads us to think properlyof our state, it is most beneficial to us.

Colton:—We ask advice but we mean approba-tion.

Swift:—Every man desires to live long; but noman would be old.

Higgons:—What is ambition, but desire of great-ness? And what ' s greatness, but extentof power?

Woodrow Wilson:—America is a body of free men. Ourgreatness is buil t upon our freedom—it is moral, not material. We have agreat ardor for gain; but we have adeep passion for the rights of man.

Bacon:—There are three parts in t ru th : first, theinquiry is the wooing of it; secondly,the knowledge of it, which is the pres-ence of it; and thirdly, the be l i e f , whichis the enjoyment of it.

Quarles:—( J i v e not thy tongue too great liberty,lest it t ake t hee prisoner. A word un-spoken is like the sword in the scabbard,th ine ; if vented, thy sword is in another 'shand. If thou desire to he held wise,be so wise as to hold thy tongue.

Miss WetherellTime is cried out upon as a great thief.It is people's own fault. Use him well,and you wil l get from his hand morethan he will ever take from yours.

Browne:—Every sin, the oftcncr it is committed,the more it acquires in the quality ofe v i l ; as it succeeds in lime, so it pro-ceeds in the degree of badness; for asthey proceed they ever multiply, andlike the figures in arithmetic, the laststands for more than all that wentbefore it.

Omar Khayam:—0 thou, wdio didst with pi t fal l and with

ginBeset the road I was to wander in,Thou wilt not with predestin'd evil roundEnmesh, and then impute my fall to sin.

Alex Smith:—He wears his skepticism as a coquettewears her ribbons—to annoy if he can-not subdue—and when his purpose isserved, he puts his skepticism aside—asthe coquette puts her ribbons.

Woodrow Wilson:—1 have always been among those whobelieved that the greatest freedom olspeech was the greatest safety, becauseif a man is a fool the best thing to dois to encourage him to advertise the factby speaking.

Please Go Way and Let Me Sleep

A f a i t h f u l servant of Sir Walter Scott'ssaid to his master: "Them are fine novelsof yours. They are invaluable to me. WhenI come home very t i red, and take up oneof them, I'm asleep directly."

J A N U A R Y , 1 9 4 4

BELIEVE IN DREAMS?

Generally No, So Do Not Be TooEnthusiastic Over Dream Houses

"Please go 'way and let me sleep." Theold song should become popular again.Everybody's dreaming dreams of thevast changes we will face when the cruelwar is over. Much of it is mental flip-flops resulting from stress of mind nowaffecting our reason as a result of thewar. If all these dreams come true weare surely in for a wholesale changefrom old customs and habits to new andstrange conditions of life.

Among all of this fantasy is the dreamhouse of tomorrow which the Plumbingand Heating Industries Bureau tags asa delusion.

The post-war house to millions ofpeople will be what the pre-war househas been in the past. It will be a con-venient, comfortable, healthful, happyplace to live. This will be a realizationof the dream of millions who have neverknown anything but restricted apart-ment space, or inconvenient houses lack-ing such necessary conveniences as mod-ern heating accessories and modernplumbing. The fact is overlooked bythose who have for years been accus-tomed to have these home benefits, butdenied countless families.

Take a city like Decatur, where hun-dreds of small dream houses have beenbuilt in the last year and a half. Theyare in fact dream houses in the sensethat they are modern to the extent thatthere is no "little house" at the backof the lot or a coal shed from whichcoal must be lugged in all kinds ofweather to maintain fire in a heatingstove.

But they are not the dream housewhich so many writers portray. Theydo not have self operating kitchens and

laundries, steam heated door knobs orradio controlled heating or other buttonpushing control gadgets, by which livingbecomes a mechanically controlled exis-tence.

We are not going to stand still afterthe war, nor prolong the dream of thehouse which eliminates the elements ofhome life that have made this countrywhat it is today. We are going to pickup the broken threads and go aheadliving in much the same way we havelived in the past.

The greatest dream, a practical one,is to help the more unfortunate to thedream house that evolved through twoof our greatest blessings, modern sani-tary plumbing and heating.

They have already made dream housesfor millions of happy and contentedfamilies who did not look for miraclesbut for health, comfort and convenience.

Let's dream and forget it. Let's bepractical and "live happily ever after-ward."

B • aIsn't It The Truth

She went to the butcher ' sFor spareribs and suet,

But f o u n d that some othersHad beaten her tuet.

She said she would settleFor sausage or liver.

The butcher insistedHe had none to giver,

She pleaded for pork chops . . .For meatballs . . . for mutton

The butcher said: "Lady,I just ain't got nutton!"

—Montana Legionnaire.• • •

Sounds ReasonableIt was one of Theodore Roosevelt's sons

who said: "Father always wants to be thecenter of attraction. When he went to awedding, he wanted to be the bridegroom;and when he went to a fune ra l , he wantedto he the corpse."

Being the center of at t ract ion seems to bea family fa i l ing wi th the Roosevelts.

The One Way Trip

1 expect to pass through th i s l i f e but once. i f . therefore,t h e r e be an}' k indness 1 can show, or any t h i n g 1 can do anyfellow being, let me do it now. Let me not defer or neglect,for 1 sha l l not pass th i s way again. —Stephen Orellet .

M U E L L E R R E C O R D

"How would you like to sec your bestgirl in these pajamas for $5.95?"

Sign on a wall in an Ar izona res t au ran t :"We have an agreement wi th the FirstNational Bank: They wi l l serve no sand-wiches, and we wi l l cash no checks."

Bellhop: "Telegram for Mr. Sleidopav-rikanowski."

Mr. Sleidopavrikanowski: "What ini t ia l ,please;"

Reporting the launching of a sh ip : "Com-plet ing an impressive ceremony, the lovelydaughter of the founder smashed a bottle ofchampagne over her stern as she slid grace-f u l l y down the ways."

"I can't find any of those Russian generalsin 'Who's Who'."

"Why not try 'Vi tch ' s Vitch'?"

The preacher f inished his sermon w i t h"All l iquor should be thrown in the river."

—And the choir ended by singing. "Shall\\"e Gather at the River?"

The Podnnk Star car r ied the followingcorrect ion: "Last week an error made ussay John Jack is now a defec t ive on thepolice force. The item should have read' John Jack is now a detective on the policefarce. '

In res tauran t w indow: Cook wan ted . Noea t ing experience needed.

"To theToasting the retiring- Mayor:Mayor of our city. He came in with mightyl i t t l e opposition, and he's going out withnone at all."

OPA sends a press release of 2500 wordsexplaining the inflated price of cabbageseeds and adds for the edification of thefa rmer and Victory gardener tha i cabbageseed is used in growing cabbage. An appro-priate signature to this release was over-looked. It should have been signed, "Cab-bage Head."

Headline in the Harrisburg Telegraph:OPA DROPS PLANS

TO REGULATE U. S.STENOGS' DRAWERS

I n the church b u l l e t i n we read: "The la-dies of the church have cast off clothing ofall k inds . Look them over in the churchbasement any time this week."

Restaurant in small town:Courteous and Eff ic ient

Self-Service

Los Angeles billboard: "Complete bur ia lservice near your home. Funeral parlor inyour neighborhood."

town woman buying a railroadloes this give one a hang-

over in Chicago," and was told, "That cle-n, but as far as 1 know• '"^ over."

* V ^lllcl I I HI VV I

ticket, asked, "Doesover in Chicago," ami waponds on you. Madam, butit is only good for a lay

THE STENO AGAINThe "jokesmith" regards nothing as sacred

if it a f fords him an opportunity for a wisecrack. In the fo l lowing the employer takesthe spotlight, wi th the "steno" as leadinglady or should we say the jealous wife tookit. Read it and decide for yourself.

Monthly Expense ReportHate AmountXov. 1 Adver t i s ing for Gi r l Sten-

ographer $ .50Nov. 2 Vase and Violets — New

Stenographer's Desk 1.65Nov. 8 Week's Salary for Stenog-

rapher 15.00Roses for Stenographer 3.00Candy for Wife .75Lunch with Stenographer.... 6.25Week's Salary for Stenog-

rapher 20.0017 Picture Show Tickets—self

and \v i fc 8018 Theatre Tickets—self and

stenographer 7.5019 Candy for Wife 7520 LILLIAN'S Salary 25.0021 Theatre and dinner with

Li l l ian 21.75Nov. 22 Fur coat for wife 625.00Nov. 23 Advertising for man sten-

ographer .50

• • •

The Great Day Coming

And the night shall be filled with music,And the cares that infest the day

Shall fold their tents like the Arabs,And as silently steal away.

J A N U A R Y , 1 9 4 4

Marines Organized In 1775

Invasion scene in 20th Century Fox's "Guadacanal Diary"

We have been asked many times, whoand what are the Marines? There is animpression that they are a part of theNavy, which is only partly correct. Thisgroup of hard fighting men is not, strict-ly speaking, any more a part of theNavy than the Army. The Marines aretrained as infantry and artillery soldiers,but as a rule they are found on warvessels for landing purposes and forland fighting.

The Marine Corps in the United Statesis an important branch of the militaryservice under a Major-General com-mandant generally subject to the au-thority of the Secretary of the Navy,but may be detached for other servicein the Army by order of the President.

Various DutiesMarine duties include service on board

of vessels of the fleet, in which casethey are organized as gun divisionsconstituting a part of the ship's fightingforces; service as technical organizationsfor advanced base work; as a mobileorganization for supporting fixed de-fense forces of advanced bases; forexpeditionary duties; service as guardsfor Navy yards, radio stations andNaval magazines in the United States

10

American interests and legations in for-eign countries in times of disturbance.

In addition to supplying the landforces necessary to the successful opera-tion of the Navy in war, which is knownas the principal mission of the MarineCorps. All capital ships and certain lightcruisers of the Navy carry a detachmentof Marines.

Training Much Like ArmyThe Marines are trained, clothed and

equipped much like Army troops, butthere is no provision for permanent or-ganization into regiments, companies,battalions or detachments. The Presi-dent may direct provisional formationsinto detachments, companies or largeunits if he considers it necessary.

The term of service is four years, age17 to 33 years and height 63 to 75 inch-es. In June 1916 the authorized strengthof the Marines was 377 officers and9,947 men. In 1942 this had increasedto 5,000 officers and 75,000 enlisted menwhich is the present limitation.

HeadquartersThe Corps has headquarters in the

Navy building, Washington, D. C. Thereand elsewhere, and finally as guards of

(Continued on Next Page)

M U E L L E R R E C O R D

LEAVE IT TO THE LADIES

SLEIGHT OF HAND"Whenever I need money I call him

handsome.""Handsome?""Yeah! Hand some over!"

MORE TROUBLEMrs. Brown: "I suspect my husband

of having a love affair with his stenog-rapher."

Maid: "Oh, you're just saying thatto make me jealous. ' '

FEATHERY FEELING"My husband had a f u n n y dream lastnight and chewed the inside out of thepillow."

"Did he feel sick today?""No, just a l i t t le down in the mouth."

GOOD EYE"Does your husband s t i l l find you

entertaining?""Not if I can help it!"

WELL CHARGEDSaid one: "She has a very magnetic

personality."Said the other : "She ought to have.

Kvery stitch she has on is charged."

TASTES GOODMrs. Drybones: "Why, this highball

as you call it tastes just l ike the coughmedicine my husband has been takingregularly for the last twenty-five years."

ANSWER THAT!!Mrs. Boaster: "My husband is the

only man who ever kissed me."Neighbor: "Are you bragging or

complaining?"

GENEROUSWife (inspecting new home) : "How

many closets arc there, dear?"Husband: "I've counted five.""That isn't enough. You'll want one

for your things, won't you?"

SHE KNEWShe had been introduced to a radio

newscaster. In parting, he advised herto be sure to listen to his radio pro-gram at breakfast time if she wantedto know what's behind the headlines.

"I already know. It's my husband."

(Continued from Page 10)are sub-headquarters at San Franciscounder a commanding general of the De-partment of the Pacific, who supervisesthe administration of Marines on theWest coast, Hawaii and Alaska. Theplan of organization includes a FleetMarine at Quantico, Va., San Diego,California and New River, North Caro-lina. The two recruiting depots are atParris Island, South Carolina, and SanDiego, California. Recruits from theeastern part of the United States aretrained at the former and those fromwest of the Rocky Mountains at thelatter.

The figures showing the increase instrength since the war began are notavailable but must have been very large.Insofar as we know the limit of 75,000has not been exceeded, but the enlist-ments have been noticeable. They showthat this division is very popular withthe younger men called to the colors.

Instituted in 1775The history of the Marine Corps dates

back to 1775 when the Continental Con-gress authorized the formation of twobattalions which served through theRevolution. These battalions were dis-banded at the close of the war, but onJuly 11, 1798, the Marine Corps waspermanently established.

The Marines rendered distinguishedservice in the war with Tripoli, in thewar of 1812 and in the Civil War. Theyagain proved their usefulness and fight-ing value in the War with Spain. Inthe first World War they won imperish-able glory as a part of the expeditionaryforces. They halted the German driveon Paris by their gallant action at Cha-teau-Thierry and Belleau Wood, June-July 1918. In honor of their brilliantexploits the battle was renamed, "Boisde la Brigade de Marines". There wereother engagements of desperate fight-ing but the same spirit of courage anddisregard of personal risks and dangerprevailed in harmony with the historicrecord of this fearless corps of Ameri-ca's hard-fighting patriots.

HATS OFF TO THE MARINES.

What shadows we are, what shadows wepursue.—Burke.

J A N U A R Y , 1 9 4 4 11

PRINTER

PHILOSOPHER

DIPLOMAT

STATESMAN

The names of two great Americansare identified with the month of Febru-ary—Washington and Lincoln.

There is another great Americanwhose name is constantly in the Ameri-can mind, whose life and activity leftan indelible imprint during his own life,and on the lives of millions in nearlythree centuries that have passed.

That name is Benjamin Franklin,printer, patriot, philosopher, statesmanand diplomat. His 238th birthday willbe celebrated on January 17th.

One Among ManyFew lives in our history are more

outstanding. Few men have lived inwhom the elements were more generous-ly mingled than in that of Franklin,the teacher and leader:—A friend ofall mankind. As we read his life, wemarvel at his wisdom, his grasp ofgreat problems and his mind whichpierced the darkness of years and proph-esied the unknown and unbelievable pos-sibilities of man's ingenuity in practicaland scientific fields.

Should the reader entertain any doubtof this last statement, glance at page13 and read the extract from his letterto Joseph Priestly, the English chemist(1780).

Benjamin Franklin was born in Bos-ton, January 17, 1706.

Limited EducationHis schooling was meager. At ten

years of age he was called upon toassist his father who was a tallowchandler and soap-boiler. At 13 he wasapprenticed to his brother James, whowas a printer with whom he disagreedand then ran away to New York, thenceto Philadelphia, where he went to workin a printing office.

Even at his unusual age, his braindevelopment was so remarkable that heattracted the attention of older andprominent men. In 1728 he established

the Pennsylvania Gazette, and fromthen on grew in influence and impor-tance as a citizen and leader.

Still Live NewsVolumes have been written and are

still being written on the life of Frank-lin and the ceaseless activities of thisfamous man. In our early historythere seems to have been nothing toosmall or too large to engage Franklin'smental and physical efforts, which wereinvariably for the benefit of his country-men and fellowmen. We find him estab-lishing philosophical societies, layingthe foundation of the great Pennsyl-vania university, organizing fire depart-ments, promoting the pavement ofPhiladelphia streets, establishing thepostal department and then filling theoffice of Postmaster-General.

The Original PostmasterIn regard to postal service his interest

began as far back as 1763 when heinspected the postal service throughoutthe colonies, traveling 1,600 miles inthe course of a year. As emissary toEngland he made his first voyage in1757 to place before Parliament thehome dispute over proprietary claimswhich had for some time been going onbetween the people of Pennsylvania andthe Penn family, the proprietors of thecolony, concerning the taxation of theselands. After more than three years ofargument and delay, the controversyended in a substantial victory for theprovince. Franklin did not return homeuntil 1762. He made friends of manynoted Englishmen, was given honors byscientists and writers and was lionizedby society. Upon returning, he foundthat he had been elected to the Assem-bly, and his natural son was appointedgovernor of New Jersey.

Foremost In The ColoniesHe was undoubtedly the foremost man

12 M U E L L E R R E C O R D

of the colonies—a fact attested by Har-vard and Yale, both of which collegesconferred upon him the degree of Mas-ter of Arts.

In 1712 at the colonial Congress atAlbany, Franklin, member from Penn-sylvania, submitted a plan for colonialunion. Congress adopted it, but it wasrejected by the colonial assemblies andnot considered by the crown.

Man of Clear Forethought

In correspondence with Governor Shir-ley of Massachusetts, Franklin pointedout clearly the fundamental groundsupon which resistance to Great Britainwas shortly to be based, that was, theright of English subjects to a voice inthe imposition of taxes, the lack ofcolonial representation in Parliamentand the considerable tribute already paidto the mother country by means of thetrade laws.

He was not among the first repre-sentatives of Pennsylvania in the Fed-eral Convention of 1787 which framedthe constitution but was shortly chosento a seat in order that, in case of theabsence of Washington, there might besomeone upon whom all could agree incalling to the chair. He was not promi-nent in the debates, nor did he approveall provisions but agreed that the instru-ment under the circumstances was thebest obtainable and signed it. His lastpublic act was the signing of an anti-slave petition to Congress as Presidentof the Pennsylvania Society for promot-ing the abolition of slavery.

Letters Reveal His Mind

Many of his admirers find the great-est i n t e r e s t in Franklin 's l e t t e r s , like thefollowing to John Priestley, Knglish chem-ist (1780). It shows above all the propheticvision of the man.

"The rapid progress true Science nowmakes, occasions my regretting sometimesthat I was horn so soon. It is impossibleto imagine the height to which may becarried, in a thousand years, the power ofman over matter. We may perhaps learnto deprive large masses of their gravity, andgive them absolute levity, for the sake ofeasy transport. Agriculture may diminishits labor and double its produce; and alldisease may by sure means be prevented orcured, not excepting even that of old age,and our l ives lengthened at pleasure beyond

even the a n t e d i l u v i a n s tandard . ( ) that moralscience were in as t a i r a way of improve-men t , that men would cease to be wolvesto one a n o t h e r , and t h a t human beingswould at length learn what they now im-properly call humanity."

Frank l in ' s experiment with l igh tn ing , hisstove, and other i nven t ions attracted world-wide a t t en t i on and won him the rare honorof membership in the Royal Society ofGreat Br i t a in , and one of the eight foreignmembers of the Royal Academy of Scienceof France.

As M i n i s t e r Plenipotentiary to Francehe rendered i n v a l u a b l e service to his count ryas he did when a member of the committeewhich d ra f t ed the Declaration of Indepen-dence. With John Adams and John Jayhe conc luded w i t h Great Britain the pro-visional t rea ty of peace November 30, 1782,which was superseded by the de f in i t ive treatyin the same terms September 3. 1783.

He was one of the organizers, in 1730, ofthe first Masonic society in America, beinghimself e lec ted grand master in 1734.

One of His Epigrams"It is enough for good minds to be

affected at other people's mis for tunes ; butthey tha t are v e x e d at everybody's tiood l u c kcan never be happy."

n • •

CHANT THE GRAND ANTHEMOh, the days are manyAnd the days are long.But when they have passed,We will chant Victory's song.

For our just cause is foundedOn the "American Creed"And we'll wrest the great VictoryFrom those mad hordes of greed.

It is written in history,In our t ru th , fai th and mightThat God favors that nationDefending a cause that 's right.

So let's hold up our heads,And to Him wing a pleaTo protect us and guide usOn land and on sea.

With brave leaders on landAnd staunch ships on the wave,We'll soon chant that grand anthem:"Land of the free, and home of the

brave".• • •

Tribute To WomenThe woman was made of a rib out of the

side of Adam; not out of his feet to betrampled upon by h im: but out of his sideto be equal w i th h i m , u n d e r his arm to beprotected, and near his heart to be loved.

J A N U A R Y , 1 9 4 4 13

GEOGRAPHIC GUFFAW

New Board of Arbiter Elegantiarum ToTeach Correct Pronunciation

Among the more recent boards addedto the alphabetical collection in Wash-ington is the "Board on GeographicalNames." It came to light that thereare many towns of the same name, butwith different pronunciations and slightvariation in spelling. This should havebeen called arbiter elegantiarum (judgesof elegance or supreme authority in mat-ters of taste) as the duties seem to beto add elegance and eclat to our presentobnoxious geographic names and theirpronunciation.

Hick NamesBefore proceeding we wish to call the

Board's attention to two names in this,Macon County. They are Boody andWhistleville. There is nothing wrongwith them except they have been thebutt of low comedian jokes from thedays of Lew Dockstader, a roisteringblackface artist, down to the presenttime. They have not been so humiliat-ing but have reached the flavor of chest-nuts.

Getting back to the new GeographicalBoard it is interesting to contemplateits vast need and consequent expense.The "head man" gets a "moderate" sal-ary of $8,000 per annum. Upon assum-ing his duties he found an acute condi-tion of pronunciation of names. Theylacked euphony and grated on culturedears. In addition some places had asmany as five or six names, or moreproperly speaking, humorous corruptionsor nicknames. It was just a mess whichcalled for an assistant at $3,000 perannum and 110 clerks for routine. Weagree that it was a shocking state ofaffairs, although not a wholly unbear-able situation but to show our loyaltyand our inborn trait of sticking oui/nasal appurtenance into the other fel-low's problems we are willing to dipin or lip in and help solve the problem.

We SuggestWe suggest, therefore, as a means of

economy and a speedy solution of afrightful state of affairs that we callin Joe Kelly's quiz kids at no expense

to the taxpayers. They have provedtheir fitness on many tougher problems.Otherwise it may be years before welearn whether New York should be pro-nounced to rhyme with pork or New"Yoick" to rhyme with "stoic", whichis an Eastern mispronunciation of thename of the bird that brings us babies.

These few examples seem sufficientto lighten, if not entirely remove, theheavy responsibility placed on the shoul-ders of the high-priced members of theBoard of Geographical Names—and in-cidentally lessen expenses.

• • •

WORSE THAN WARWhen you get enough gasoline with

which to drive your car daily, rememberthis. Since Pearl Harbor 26,000 essen-tial workers have been killed in trafficaccidents. The total number of homefront traffic fatalities in the time men-tioned is given at 46,000, exceeding ourwar dead by 52 per cent. During thatsame period 1,600,000 persons were in-jured, compared with 65,170 soldierswounded and missing in the war. Fatal-ities on the battle front strike horrorto our souls, but the annual fatalitiesand injuries scored on city streets andhighways do not cause any particularinterest or consternation.

Our soldiers in strange lands, tread-ing unknown paths, subject to surpriseattacks or ambush, have no protection,no warning and no previous knowledgeof the paths they must follow. On thehome front we have accurate maps,"stop and go" signals, patrolled high-ways and signs of all kinds, but we goalong blundering, killing, and cripplingour fellow friends, families and neigh-bors. According to the figures we'd besafer on the battle front than on thehome front. Make a resolution to drivemore sanely and more carefully in theNew Year.

• • •Millions for Recreation

The Ami}' and Navy have spent approxi-mately $200,000,000 for recreational facilities,including equipment for athletics, indoorgames, shows and music. Most of us willbelieve that this is money well spent. Thetedium of service is almost as deadly asthe bullets of the enemy.

14 M U E L L E R R E C O R D

NECESSITY THE MOTHER

Has Called For Many InnovationsAs Result of the War

Jonathan Swift coined the phrase,"Necessity is the mother of invention."It was first used in Gulliver's Travels,a keen satire on the times, but laterbecame through certain omissions andrevisions a popular children's book. Thequotation above has been babbled aroundby thousands, perhaps, with no knowl-edge of origin, its author, or of its age,something over two centuries.

If it required anything from this pento prove its truth we need only cite thefact of seagoing war vessels which arebeing almost built on Illinois' inlandprairies, or to be more exact as to factson the Great Lakes, hundreds of milesfrom the vast ocean's unfathomabledepths. War necessities became themother of all this plan.

Many ProblemsInland ship construction involved

many correlated problems, one of them,getting the seagoing vessels from thecenter of an agricultural state to deepwater. However, in the emergency thefertile minds of men of genius took careof all the details. They differed fromthe landlubber who devoted his longwinter hours to building in his base-ment a small steamer with which toenjoy himself on our lake in idle sum-mer hours. It was a good job, exceptfor one thing. He overlooked the ne-cessity of getting the boat out of thebasement. That little trick was finallyaccomplished by tearing out a goodsized chunk of the house foundation.

In the case of the war vessels referredto a somewhat similar situation pre-vailed. It was that of getting the warvessels down the Illinois and Mississippirivers to the ocean. The ships couldnot be floated down or go down undertheir own power because of their draft.The solution was easy enough, afterthe problem was worked out, and that'swhy necessity again popped up and alarge floating dry dock was built bythe Chicago Bridge and Iron Companyat their plant near Seneca, Illinois.

More details of this method of build-ing war vessels is given by "The Water

Tower", house magazine of the abovecompany as follows:

"The steel dry dock is used to deliversubmarines from the Great Lakes to theGulf of Mexico via the Mississippi riverand connecting waterways. It was builtby our company at a yard on the Illinoisriver near Seneca, 111.

"The submarines are full-sized ocean-going underwater craft and are com-plete, except for periscopes and radios,when they go down the river. Theyare too long to go through the smallerlocks between Lake Michigan and theSt. Lawrence river and draw too muchwater to go down the Illinois and Mis-sissippi rivers under their own power,hence this ferry-type dry dock to floatthem to the sea.

"The dock is of special design and hasbeen equipped with the necessary gen-erators, pumps and other machinery tomake it a complete operating unit ex-cept that it is not self-propelled. Aregular barge line tow boat is used topush it up and down the river.

"The first submarine taken down theriver waterways was the USS PETO,which reached New Orleans on January8th, 1943. The U. S. Coast Guard cutterFERN, equipped with an Amsterdamplow, is used to break the ice on theIllinois river during the winter."

• • •

A TWO WAY MIRRORA newly designed two-way automobile

mirror makes it possible for a driver tosee not only traffic to the rear, but alsooncoming traffic when the car is behindlarge vehicles bound in the same direc-tion, according to the Automobile Clubof Southern California. This doublepurpose device consists of two mirrorsattached by an arm which permits ad-justments. One of the mirrors is dividedhorizontally. The upper part showstraffic to the rear, while the lower sec-tion shows approaching traffic by re-flection in the second mirror.

While it is the summit of human wisdomto learn the limit of our faculties, it may bewise to recollect that we have no more rightto make denials than to put forth affirma-tions about what lies beyond the limit.

—Huxley.

J A N U A R Y , 1 9 4 4 15

U. S. Mosquito Fleet Dreaded by Enemy

OFFICIAL U. S. NAVY PHOTOGRAPH

These Patrol Torpedo bouts have different names—Patrol Torpedo (PT) "Spit-Kit" and"Mosquito". In the picture above you see a torpedo leaving the boat with the prayers ofthe crew that the aim has been accurate and the enemy ship will feel the destructive impact.

"U. S. motor torpedo patrol boats at-tacked eight Japanese destroyers in iso-lated engagements in the vicinity of thenorthwestern end of Guadacanal Island.

"The attacks resulted in one torpedohit on one of the destroyers and threepossible hits on two others.

"Enemy aircraft bombed our PT boatsand inflicted slight damage."

"There", says Firepower, a fine publica-tion of the U. S. Ordnance Department,is the typical language of a typical Navycommunique, is a typical story of the

PHOTOGRAPH

Silting on a powder keg—fortunately, there isno lighted fuse to the depth charge. His shipmate behind the machine gun is also at ease.An enemy ship or a submarine sighted wouldchange the situation to one of feverish ac-tivity. In an engagement all hands on a PTboat have something to do, and to do it quickly.

16

heroic daring of the U. S. "mosquitofleet." Continuing Firepower adds:

Like David and His SlingshotLike David felling Goliath with a sling-

shot, these little sea-stingers dash inamong enemy warships that dwarf themin size. They can let fly a Sunday punchpowerful enough to sink a battleship.Then they step on the gas and get awaywhile enemy searchlight crews and gun-ners are still trying to find out whetherthe attack came from sea or air.

One of the Navy's sturdy little "spitkits", which carry firepower and punchout of all proportion to their tiny size,the PT won fame early in the war. Thenand now, these "expendables" are worthmany times their weight in attackingpower.

Began At Pearl HarborThe exploits of the PT's began at

Pearl Harbor. Later they snatched Gen-eral MacArthur from under the eyes ofthe Japs and dashed into enemy harborsto sink Tojo's big ships.

The 80 feet of streamlined length ofa PT is all firepower. Vulnerable as egg-shells, PT's have no armor; they aremade of plywood, not steel.

Speedy and agile, however, these littleboats pack away more devastation percubic foot than any other ship of thefleet. Pound for pound, they carry thegreatest concentration of striking powerafloat.

M U E L L E R R E C O R D

Fit To Fight AnythingTheir four torpedo tubes, their two

nests of twin machine guns, their20-mm. automatics and their depthcharges equip them to fight anything—from the biggest battle wagons downto foes their own size.

Manned by crews who will tackle anyodds, the PT's have cost the enemyplenty—and will cost him more.

Spit-Kits In ActionPT boats of the U. S. Navy have let

water into enemy supply ships and war-ships, they have sunk submarines andshot down airplanes, they have strafedenemy troops on shore, streaking alongan occupied beach.

PT's take old-fashioned American In-dian warfare to sea. They lie in wait toambush the enemy in the dark of themoon, they pounce and vanish. Theirrazzle-dazzle attacks leave Tojo gasp-ing.

For a while the Japs believed theAmericans had a new secret weapon.

Japanese Opinion"It has wings and shoots torpedoes

in all directions at once," was the Nip-ponese description of the cockle-shellswhich prowled and punched in sensa-

O F F 1 C I A I . U . S . XAVY PI lOTOr.RAI'H

Looking for a fight—observers aboard one ofthe Navy's little packages of dynamite- a PTboat, keep their eyes glued to glasses, as theyscan the horizon jor silhouettes of enemy ships.

tional assaults against overwhelmingforces during the defense of the Philip-pines.

It's no secret weapon, but the PTis a new kind of fighting ship. The U. S.Navy had a few of them when the warbegan. The British had used them tochase the Nazi E-boats from the Eng-lish Channel and the North Sea. In 1937General MacArthur had asked for PT'sto defend the Philippines, so the U. S.

(Cont inued on page 18)

Ol-'FIClAL U. S. NAVY PHOTOGRAPH

PT boat, hunting submarines along the Atlantic Coast, get their supplies from Navy aux-iliaries. In this instance it is a towing hawser from its supply ship.

J A N U A R Y , 1 9 4 4 17

(Continued from page 17)had started to build these little fire-power packets a couple of years beforethe Japs struck.

Busy As A Mad Bumble BeeCommander John Buckley's squadron

of PT's struck one of the first offen-sive blows for the U. S. by torpedoinga Jap cruiser. That same squadron shotdown three enemy dive bombers De-cember 10, when the Japs attackedManila. Another PT squadron threw itsweight around to good effect in 18 en-gagements at Guadacanal in 6 months,sinking a cruiser, a submarine, and 6destroyers with 21 torpedo hits.

"It's the hardest, toughest assignment

there is," says many an experiencedNavy man. The PT squadrons are ayoung man's Navy.

Spit Defiance at the EnemyMothered by tenders, which often

serve patrol planes and PT's at the samebase, these "spit kits" are always readyto spit defiance at the enemy.

Whether fighting alone, to punch andrun, or whether sharing in a fleet action,to skim from a smoke screen and firea torpedo in defense of a carrier, thePT "spit kits" give more than they take.They suffer losses, too, they have theirtragedies of lost boats and heroes sac-rificed—but these stingers of the Navycollect over 10 to 1 from the enemy.

FOR THE LOVE LORN

St. Valentine's Day Opens The GatesFor Mushy Missives

If asked the outstanding days of themonth of February you would be up tothe average on three of them—12th,Lincoln's birthday; 14th, St. Valentine'sday; and 22nd, Washington's birthday.There are quite a few other days ofhistorical importance in the shortestmonth of the year, but St. Valentine'sday can scarcely be included, althoughin popularity it ranks high.

This is especially true of the lovesick,moon-eyed softies, who hopefully findsolace to their souls in sending gaudytinselled papers in various patterns,bright colors and mushy verses to theone they adore.

St. Valentine MartyredFrom February 14th, A. D. 271, is a

long reach. That was the day uponwhich Saint Valentine was martyred.Just why is not clear in the record,neither is the fact that this martyrdommade him the patron saint of lovers.There were several saints in the earlychurch by the same name. The bestknown of them was a Roman priest,possibly identified with Valentine, Bish-op of Spouts.

The Bird Mating MythIn the brief data before us this is

no intimation that this Bishop took timeoff to become a patron saint of the

lovelorn. Be this as it may the loversmade him "St." Those who celebratethe day will doubtless be pleased tolearn that authorities get from underpossibility of being held definitely re-sponsible. We make the suggestion that"the practice is probably a pagan sur-vival." There are some who connectthe practice with the old idea that birdsselect mates on the day.

Just a SuggestionWith our usual desire to keep history

and romance on equal balance we "moveto motion" an amendment to the lovershey-day and call it "Valentine's andOrson's day." They were twin brothersin a French romance of 1489. Valentinewas taken by his uncle who brought himup a courtier while Orson was carriedaway by a bear to grow up amid savagesurroundings. The result was that Val-entine became a courteous, cultured gen-tleman while Orson was a typical boor-ish, uncouth specimen of manhood.

Method in MadnessThere is method in our madness, fit-

ting to St. Valentine's day, which hasnow acquired a double purpose, but lacksa clear dividing line. Valentine wouldremain the idol of the lovelorn youngwhile Orson would typify the boorishuncouth group that sends you hideouscomic daubs with coarse rhymes accom-panying to brazenly let you know whatthey think of you, protecting identitybehind the robes of anonymity.

18 M U E L L E R R E C O R D

It's Home For You, Genevieve *

"They told us yesterday they weregoing to study blue prints today,so I wore my new one!"

THE END OF THE WAR?Every day some one pops up and

pops off. He tells you the war is aboutover or when the end will come. Menbest equipped to pass out this informa-tion wisely hold their tongues or givean indefinite suggestion. Any man whoknows the date of the ending has anadvantage not to be fully estimated. Heis in a position to make plans in ad-vance, to get the jump on the rest ofus, to be out in front and on the wayto succeed in any venture he may haveconceived and planned.

The end of this war is like the firstWorld War—very much in the hands ofGermany. Whenever the people of thatcountry elect to choose surrender ratherthan battling with no chance of win-ning, the war will end, except for alittle cleaning up on the sidelines. Thisbeing the case, the thing for us to dois to go along doing all things that arefacing us now and prepare to do biggerand better things when peace returns.This applies not only to the forces fight-

J A N U A R Y , 1 9 4 4

ing the battles but to civilians in allwalks of life. Let's meet the problemsthat really face us in our daily life andtasks, as good and patriotic citizensshould do. This will help hasten theend of war and more quickly bring thepeace for which we all hope.

• • •PITY 'TIS, 'TIS MORE THAN SOA news note f rom Washington says:"According to Donald Nelson, a ten per

cent saving in coal used for heating wouldadd up to 20,000,000 tons a year; a ten percent saving in electricity would save 4,000,000tons of coal and more than 75,000,000 lightbulbs; a ten per cent saving in manufacturedhousehold gas would save 1,500,000 barrelsof fuel oil."

And we add pity those who pay the taxesand want to keep warm and the manufac-turer who wants to make and to sell goodsto pay his taxes.

He is a man of sense wdio does notgrieve for what he has not, but rejoicesin what he has.—Epictitus.

19

Until Is the Time For All Good Americans111! If to Come to the Aid of Their Country

Don't let down now. Tightenyour belt and loosen your pursestrings. Your country is calling!It is depending on you to pavethe way to eventual victory, nowin sight. It is up to the homefront to back up the boys onthe firing line. They are doingtheir job with bullets. They ex-pect you on the home front todo yours with dollars. The boysare doing their part bravely,heroically in the face of death.You confront a duty on the homefront that is unattended by risk,with no danger or loss. On the con-trary, you are making nothing morethan a profitable investment when youbuy War Bonds. There is no sacrifice onyour part. The sacrifice is made by ourboys in the fox holes, in tangled junglegrass, fighting a vicious, murderous,heathen horde.

Think of all these sacrifices and buyBONDS to the limit—the safest invest-ment if you choose to look at it in acold business way, instead of as an ob-ligation to the boys who stand as anAmerican human bulwark between youand Hirohito and Hitler, who seek de-struction of your liberty and yourfreedom.

Wake up, Americans—it's no time tohesitate—no time to quibble—it's a timeto show your patriotism by buying WarBonds. Forget frivolous pleasures, for-get extravangances, useless and unnec-essary travel, forget everything that youdo not actually need and put the moneyin Bonds.

In the name of God, America and thethousands of our boys beckoning to youto do your part and do it now as aPatrtiotic American Citizen should do,voluntarily and without any urging ex-cept the urge that comes to him throughhis own conscience.

We may wonder at the urgency of eachone buying bonds in such large quan-tities. Don't overlook the fact that waris a tremendous expense. Take time toread the following authentic statementof the cost of one bombing of Berlin.

Suppose, in the dusk of anEnglish evening, 1,000 huge bom-bers soar over the Channel andhead for Berlin.

By the time those planes re-turn to England, their motorswill have consumed 2,400,000gallons of gasoline!

The cost . . . of the gasolineALONE . . . will be more than$380,000.

To pay for the gasoline usedon ONE such raid, 96,000 Ameri-cans would have to invest at least10 percent of their next pay.

You get a big kick out of readingabout those 1,000-plane raids. You knowthat such raids, if repeated often enough,will soften up the Axis. But . . .

What are YOU doing to help pay thecost of those raids? (In addition to thegasoline they use, it costs Uncle SamTWO HUNDRED MILLION DOLLARSto build 1,000 4-motored bombers . . .plus the cost of training the 10,000 menwho make up their crews!)

Modern war is expensive business . . .its cost runs into fantastic figures1.30,000,000 American wage earners arenow putting an average of 10 percent ofeach pay check into War Bonds.

Our raids on the Axis are increasingin frequency and intensity. When landoperations really get going, the cost willbe staggering.

More and more Americans must jointhe Pay-Roll Savings Plan . . . morethan those already in the Pay-Roll Sav-ings Plan must begin to jack up theirWar Bond purchases . . . must start toinvest more than 10 percent!

Remember . . . War Bonds are thefinest investment in the world today. Youget back $4 for every $3 you invest.And . . . the more War Bonds you buynow, the quicker the Axis will be licked. . . and the less the war will cost in thelong run.

Think it over. And every time you'retempted to put a nickel in somethingyou don't absolutely need—put it in WarBonds instead!

20 M U E L L E R R E C O R D

LIVE FISH KILLS MAN TACT AN ASSET

Unusual Fatality Overtakes A BatherIn Australia

Those Who Possess It Have A DistinctAdvantage At All Times

Fish stories are supposed to go withspring and summer, but here is one sounusual, but so authenticated that theseason or location become minor details.The following appeared in the MedicalJournal of Australia:

Sir: I would like to describe a mostunusual death. The man went into ariver for a swim and was found on thebank dead. The ambulance bearer whowas summoned started artificial respira-tion. On examination of the mouthsomething was seen which on further ex-amination proved to be a fish. The fishwas firmly lodged and attempts at re-moving it only removed the tail.

A tracheotomy was performed andartificial respiration was continued with-out any response.

At post-mortem examination I founda bream about five inches long in thepharynx with its head firmly fixed inthe larynx and completely occluding it.

Unfortunately there were no witnessesto observe this extraordinary accident.

Yours, etc.Ian G. McPhee

Babinda, North Queensland,June 18, 1943

The bream is a fish unknown in thiscountry. There are five varieties, someknown in England. They belong to thecarp family, and like the carp they areslow and sluggish in their movements.

Tactful persons are always admired.The little word "tact" is brimful ofmeaning. It is a cultivated graciousnesswhich enables one possessing it to exer-cise fine discernment and discriminationunder peculiar circumstances withoutgiving offense. Persons lacking this finegift, placed in a peculiar position, canby the wrong word or act, make a messof the situation, which a tactful personwould smooth out with a smile or asoft word.

Cervantes gives a good illustration oflack of tact in one sentence: "'Tis illto talk of halters in the house of a manthat was hanged." The French have aproverb "that everything is pardonedsave want of tact."

The Scottish Rite News Bulletin cred-its Grenville Kleiser with this fine in-terpretation of what tact really meansand does:

"Tact will keep you mindful of therights of others; it will develop yourpatience and sympathy; it will makepeople feel at home with you; it willattract to you many friends; it will givemoral tone to your every-day actions;it will make you a superior man amongmen; and it will make you uniformlyconsiderate toward others, whether theybe above or below you in the humanscale."

Rip Wakes Up and ReturnsHaving nothing to do at home, and being arrived at that

happy age when1 a man can be idle with impunity, he took hisplace once more on Ihe bench at the inn door, and wasreverenced as one of the patriarchs of the village, and achronicle of the old times "before the war." It was sometime before he could get into the regular track of gossip, orcould be made to comprehend the strange events tha t hadtaken place since bis torpor. How there had been a revolu-tionary war—that the country had thrown off the yoke ofold England—and that, instead of being1 a subject of HisMajesty George the Third, he was now a f ree ci t izen of theUnited States. The changes of states and empire's made butlittle impression on him; but there was one species of des-potism under which he had long groaned, and that waspetticoat government. Happily that was at an end: he hadgot his neck out of the yoke of matr imony, and could go inand out whenever he pleased, wi thout dreading the tyrannyof Dame Van Winkle.

J A N U A R Y , 1 9 4 4 21

CHINA Great Country of 457,835,475 PeopleHad Respectable Civilization 22OO B. C.

We laugh at the Chinese. Perhaps theylaugh at us. Just where the Chinesecame from, and when they came, is aspeculative problem, to the generallyaccepted authorities. In so far as re-search is concerned we might as wellaccept Topsy's explanation of her origin—"I 'spect I jest growed. Don't thinknobody ever made me".

The first reliable historical accountof the Chinese was compiled by Sg-MaTsien in the first century B.C. It is givenas a reasonable possibility that theChinese came from the west of Asia, andthat they had already attained a re-spectable civilization prior to 2200 B.C.According to Chinese traditions, whichcannot be wholly separated from his-tory, the earliest dynasty was that ofthe "Five Monarchs" ruling from the29th to the 20th century before Christ.These few bare guesses of students,show but plainly that Chinese not onlyhave on important connection betweenthe hazy period of unrecorded facts tothe present day of modern civilization.

An Old RaceChinese have long been accepted as

one of the oldest of races, but by manylooked upon as an uneducated and non-progressive class. This may be true ofa large per cent of Chinese, but not in-clusive of the nation as a whole.

China was centuries old before shebegan to learn something of Europeanswhich was about 1577. So long andintricate is the history of the countrythat Encyclopedias, notoriously jealousof space, require some 25 pages to merelysketch the subject of Chinese and China.Even now the majority of us have only avague knowledge of the people andcountry.

Japan Thorn In The SideChina was not left to live in peace,

but the great thorn in her side is andhas been for years the Japanese, a muchyounger nation, which according toJaps dates from the Mikado Jimnu, 660B.C. More reliable authorities tell usthat it was a thousand years later be-fore anything existed in Japan deservinga place in history.

22

Leaves Government To PeopleChina's last emperor abdicated Feb-

ruary 12, 1912 handing over sovereigntyto the people. The prime minister an-nounced the abdication and asked thepowers to recognize the new republic.The United States was the first to dothis.

Chiang Kai Shek became presidentOctober 9, 1928 but resigned in 1931 al-though he continues an influential powerin China's affairs as president of theExecutive Yuan, a post practicallyequivalent to that of premier. His pow-ers are virtually those of a dictator. Heis still referred to as the president,Premier or Generalissimo.

Chiang accepted Christianity whilepresident. His wife is a member of awealthy Chinese family, a graduate ofWellesley, and now an influential personin world affairs.

Brief NotesJohn Hay, scholar, author, diplomat

and Secretary of State under Hayes, wasalways a staunch friend of China. Hesaid: "Whoever understands that mightyempire—socially, politically, economi-cally, religiously—will have the key toworld politics for the next five centuries"

In Confucianism the nation has aphilosophy based on the teachings of"The Master", Confucius, which up-holds the conduct of the patriarchs asa model, and defines the duties of mentoward one another and of man towardhimself, but does not enter into specu-lation of the unknown. Its teachingsfind essential expression in insistenceupon the five constant virtues of benevo-lence, righteousness, propriety, wisdom,and sincerity, and in its definition of theduties of the five relationships of princeand minister, husband and wife, fatherand son, brother and brother, and friendand friend.

Another prophetic voice, was thatof William H. Seward in the U. S. SenateJuly 29, 1852. "Who does not see then,that every year hereafter, Europeancommerce, European politics, European

M U E L L E R R E C O R D

thought and European activity, althoughactually growing greater force, and Eu-ropean connections, although actuallybecoming more intimate, will, neverthe-less, relatively sink in importance whilethe Pacific Ocean, its shores, its islands,and the vast region beyond, become thechief theatre of the worlds greatestauthority."

China is larger than Europe or theUnited States.

Population nearly as great as Europe,3!/2 times that of U. S. and five timesthat of South America. Putting it inanother way, every 5th person on earthis a Chinese.

Eighty per cent of China's populationis rural.

Rich in agricultural products, soy-beans, wheat, sweet potatoes and cab-bage are more generally used than rice.

China is rich in coal, antimony, tung-sen, bismuth, tin, manganese, mer-cury, iron ore, lead, zinc and petroleum.

China has produced more scholarsthan any other nation, had libraries be-fore the Christian Era. In handicraftarts, invented silk, porcelain, paper, ink,printing, lacquer, marine compass, kites,gun powder, and a cotton gin.

China's backwardness in a modernworld was due its perpetuation of astereotyped system of education. Eng-lish now ranks next after Chinese inlanguage studies. During the past twodecades this has added 20 million to theranks of literates.

China still needs 60,000 miles of newrailroads to complete ample transporta-tion facilities.

In America there is a motor car forevery five persons but in China thereis only one for every five thousand.

The history of immigration of Chineseand Japanese is too long for this pub-lication. The first exclusion act effect-ing Chinese immigration was passedin 1882, suspending Chinese laborers for10 years, and this was extended in 1902,which law remained in force until theImmigration law of 1924.

J A N U A R Y , 1 9 4 4

THE NEW AUTOMOBILESWhen the war is over and we get

back to routine living there will bemany readjustments in economic andindustrial lines. These will be left toboth big and little bugs in industry andstatecraft.

The question mostly concerning thehoi polloi is more closely tied in withthe automobile and how long it will bebefore new models may be obtained.

In "This Week" magazine, J. O. Wil-bur advises that new cars will be onthe market about a year after peace isdeclared. Therefore it's a good plan tohang on to the old bus as long as it willhang together.

Among the possibilities now in thenew car will be no running boards orfenders. The absence of running boardspermits greater width of the body. Thereare so many innovations that the carwill be all but foolproof, which is toomuch to be hoped for, and it will notbe operated by push-button control. Thecost, it is said, will be about one-halfof the average of today's. This last bitof information seems to put the kiboshon a major portion of the speculationof the varoius bits of gossip now excitinggreat expectations.

BE LIKE A RABBITBeware the deadly sitting habit,

Or if you set, be like the rabbit.Who keepeth ever on the jump,

By springs eoncealed beneath his rump.A li t t le ginger 'neath the tail,

Will oft for lack of brains avail;Eschew the dull and slothful seat,

And move about with willing feet.Man was not made to sit atrance,

And press, and press, and press hispants;

But rather with an open mind,To circulate among his kind.

And so. my son, avoid the snare,Which lurks within a cushioned chair ;

To run like Hell it has been found,Both feet must be upon the ground.

—Unknown.• • •

That Boy AgainEmployer: "What type of illness caused

you to leave your last job?"

Errand boy: "My boss got sick of me."

23

Army Now

THIRD TIME A CHARMPvt.—How's the water on this god-for-

saken island, soldier?Cpl.—Well, buddy, first we boil it.

then we filter it, t hen we drink beer.

THE SILLY SERGEANT:Sergeant drilling raw recruits."Right turn!" Then followed qiuckly,

"Left turn!" Again, "Right turn!''One rookie left the ranks and started

towards the barracks."Hey, you! Where are you going?""I've had enough, you don't know

vour own mind for two minutes."

AND BE QUICK ABOUT IT:Flirt: "Are your kisses dynamite?"Handsome Lad: "They sure are, sis-

ter."Flirt: "Praise the Lord and pass the

ammunition."

TIME TO DISEMBARK:Two soldiers had just managed to

stagger aboard a s t reet car. One of t hemturned to the nearest uniformed personand offered his fare.

"Sorry I can't take it, I'm a navalofficer."

"My," Joe shouted to his buddy, "let'sget off a here. We've hoarded a bloomin'battleship."

SARGE NEAR FAINTINGThe supply sergeant handed the re-

cruit a pair of trousers and the recruitput them on. They fit perfectly. So didthe blouse and Ihc cap. "Gad, man.1 ' ex-claimed the Sarge, "You must be de-formed."

END HIS MISERYSentry: "Who goes there?"Major: "Major Jones."Sentry: "1 can't l e t you proceed wi th-

out the password, sir."Major : "Drat i t , mau, I 've forgotten

it. You know me wel l enough."Sentry: "Must have the password."Voice from guardhouse: "Don't stand

there arguing all night; shoot 'im."

EVERYTHING HIGH-UPA sailor who had been stopping at a

fa sh ionab le h o t e l was paying his b i l l .He looked up at the girl cashier andasked what it was she had around herneck.

"That's a ribbon, of course, why doyon ask?"

"Wel l , every th ing else is so higharound here I jus t thought it was yotirgarter."

POOR GUESSINGDonald Fueh le r was t u r n e d down by

the draf t board. His feet were not fit.Fuehler disproved this by walk ing 31miles to his home.

HE LOOKED ITThe colored soldier had been peeling

potatoes until his hands ached. Turningto a fellow K. P. he said: "What d'yousuppose dat sergeant mean when hecall us K. P.?"

"Ah dunno," replied his co-worker."But from de look on his face, Ahthinks he meant 'Keep Peelin.' "

REASONABLESailor: "Ginger ale, please."'Fountain Clerk : "Pale?"Sailor: "No, just a glass."

• • •Hugo Missed His Guess

During the 19th century Victor Hugo,accredi ted the place of "greatest of allFrench poets", made this prophesy:

"In the twentieth century war will bedead, the scaffold will lie dead, f r on t i e rboundaries will be dead, dogmas will bedead: man wil l live."He missed every guess except t h e last .

Even men of the most brill iant mental gif tsshould keep out of the realms of prophesy.

• • •New Paste

A new adhesive has been developed by amidweslern paste company. The paste isdesigned to adhere to all surfaces, includingwooden barre ls and tubs, to say no th ing ofclothing and fingers.

PEACELovely, lAisting peace, below,Comforter of every ivoe,Heav'nly barn, and bred on high,To crown the favorites of the sky;Lovely, lasting peace, appear;This world itself, if thou art here,Is once again with Eden blest,And man contains it in his breast.

GOLDSMITH.

24 M U E L L E R R E C O R D

OUT T°HFE ORDINARY

in the fu ture he wear B.V.D.s when plowing—they don't have pockets in which to carry

TTYTTTTTTTTTfTTvTTTTTTTTTTvY

Coral Snakes: A small hoy in Reel Bank,X. _ ) . . had two pet coral snakes. He tookone to school and was bi t ten by it. Schoolwas a strange place for a strange pet. Nearlyall the zoo's anti-venom was used on thehoy to counteract the snake's poison. Thecoral snake is a member of the cobra fam-ily and its bite is nearly as deadly. Thereis a small species in Florida. Its bite ispainful but not fatal.

Prisoners of War: According to a recentrelease of the War Department the numberof war prisoners in this country is 170,000.divided as fol lows: 120,000 Germans and50.000 Italians. Japanese prisoners are negli-gible, amounting to about 62. Explanationis tha t Japs kil l themselves rather than tobe captured. This is an old belief and maybe true. We hope it is. Who wants to paytaxes to feed Japs?

Robert Was Right: Attorney Robert K.Caldwcll, Kansas City, f o u n d a woman occu-pying his seat in a parlor car. She wouldn' tgive it up. Then a man appeared and an-other argument followed. Caldwell fled tothe dining car where the conductor foundand gave him the final verdict: "You win—the woman was in the wrong car and theman was on the wrong train."

George Was Jarred: George Terr}' ofTustin, California, is a garage man andwas called upon one evening to dig a carout of the mud for Major Fuller. Terry toiledthrough the long, dreary hours of thenight. He dug, and dug, and dug andfinally towed the old boat in to his shop.It was then that he discovered that the cardid not belong to (he major but to a manin Los Angeles. Then he swore, and swore,and swore.

Safety Suggestion:— Vi rg i l Clark, nearEaton, Colo., while plowing with a tractor,lost his hill fold containing $1000 in cur-rency. He searched in vain. Next day heback plowed the tract. Neighbors with hoesand rakes followed carefully combing thesurface. The bill fold with the currencywas recovered. We suggest to Virgil that

Gave Her the Boots: An Oklahoma mangave his wife "the boots" for feeding thebaby a breakfas t food that he did not like.No he did not kick her. He swung on herwith the boot in his hand .

Thirteen Lucky:—The bel ief that 13 isan unlucky number has been exploded oncemore, much to the joy of Miss HermanTinim of Lexington, Ky. On October 13.two years ago a thief entered her home andl e f t wi th her diamond ring. On las t October13 the ring was returned through the mailwith an anonymous letter.

Frisky:—Peter Thorson. Super ior , Wis.,aged 73, tiring of his eight years of retire-ment emerged from seclusion and got himselfa job as Western Union Messenger boy. Heproves to be one of the most "active boys"employed. He had been living in the homeof the aged.

Gall Wood: An ex-steno in the WACs,now a l ieutenant , has in her platoon thewi fe of her ex-boss. The wi fe once hadthe steno fired, th ink ing she was too f r iend-ly with the husband. Maybe so, but theex-steno is none too friendly with the wife ,who is forced by military rules to salutethe WAC lieutenant.

Wild Goose Journey: Lt. C. II. VanBuren in the Fort Macpherson hospital, en-joyed a 1942 Christmas present of a cartonof cigarettes, sent him to Cairo, Egypt, byhis uncle. Frank H. Walthall , of MaconGeorgia. A year later, the "cigs" followedthe "Lute" to Eritrea, to Palestine, to Sicilyand caught up with him in Texas. "Lucky"Lieutenant.

a • •

Darrow's Untidiness

Clarence Darrow, the great c r i m i n a l law-yer of Chicago was not particular aboutthe appearance of his clothes. One daywhen they were unusual!}' disheveled agroup of reporters called on him. One ofthem chicled him, and Darrow shot back:"I go to a better tailor than any of you andpay more money than any of you pay foryour clothes. The only difference is youprobably do not sleep in yours."

Tii le wait for no man.

J A N U A R Y , 1 9 4 4 25

Caught Night Prowler In Hen House- • • ,.•—.,,

A wise old owl lived in an oak,The more he saw the less he spoke;

The less he spoke, the more he heard;Why can't we all be like that bird?

Had this particular owl pictured abovebeen what he is reputed to be, "awise old owl" and stuck to his oak, in-stead of planting himself on a roost inRussell Short's hen house he would havebeen alive today. Russell lives at 1245N. Taylor Street. Arising early he wentto the hen house and flipped on thelights. The first thing he saw was alarge horned owl on one of the roosts.Russell picked up a piece of plankingand swatted the visitor on the head.When he came to work he brought thecarcass with him and it attracted plentyof attention, and, also set in motion along string of owl stories.

Russell posed with his prey and theaccompanying illustration gives one anidea of the size of the bird. The wing-spread was 4 feet and 8", height 18inches. Russell is a member of the ToolRoom force and a son of Cecil Short ofDepartment 30. Strangely enough alocal paper, a few days later illustratedanother man holding a great horned owlwhich he caught alive on his front porchafter a lively tussle. This bird was prac-tically the same size as that of Shorts.

Ornithologists say there are a numberof varieties of owls, plentiful in boththis country and Europe. They differ insize. They are of great value in agri-cultural communities, destroying mice

and insects, and therefore should not bekilled. The theory that all owls areblind in daytime is erroneous. There aresome varieties that see by day as well asby dark.

Many superstitions are attached to theowl family, largely due to their noc-turnal habits, and the weird criesuttered. This is partly due to writers,who have in many instances used theowl as a mysterious evil omen. Thissuperstition is not confined to any par-ticular section or country. It is worldwide.

The alleged wisdom of the owl isnothing more than a tradition handeddown through the centuries. It wasassociated with Pallas Athenae and theowl was not the big round eyed bird suchas illustrated herewith, but the smallestof all owls known as the Scopsgin ofSouthern Europe.

The note of the owl is interpreted byShakespeare thus:

"Then nightly sings the staring owl.Tu-Whit, To-Who, a merry note."

Again the great bard says:"The owl . . . . the fatal bellman,Which gives the stern'st good-night."

Gray in his imperishable Elegy says:"From yonder ivy towerThe moping owl does to the mooncomplain."

Tennyson wrote:"Alone and warming his five wits

The white owl in the belf ry sits."

Keats wrote:"St. Agnes Kve—Ah, bitter chill it was

The owl for all his feathers was a-cold."

BUY TO SAVE THEM". . . If you could sec just one man die

on the battlefield, you would know why it isright to 'let the taxpayers take' every hillpossible. Believe it from us over here, wecall to you and we know how true it is—Bonds and sweat at home mean less bloodand tears for us all. You must buy to savethose yon love, and buy and buy again."

—Ernie Pyle.

26 M U E L L E R R E C O R D

TEACHING THE

TEACHER

LOOK BOSSYTeacher: "What is a metaphor?"Billy: "A place to pasture cows."

LUCKY NEWTONTeacher: "Sir Isaac

Newton was sittingon the ground look-ing at a tree. An ap-ple fe l l on his headand from that he dis-c o v e r e d gravitation.

Just think, chi ldren, isn't that wonder-ful?"

Small Boy: "Yes'm, an* if he hadbeen settin' in school lookin' at hisbooks, he wouldn' t have discoverednothin'."

HARD COALTeacher: "Sammy, give me a sen-

tence containing the word 'anthracite.' "Sammy (with a l isp): "We had a big

family party latht week and you oughtto have heard my aunth rethite."

GOOD GUESSINGTeacher: "Can you tell me the d i f fer -

ence between a stoic and a cynic."Abie: "A stoic is a boid that brings

the babies and a cynic is the place whereyou wash the dishes."

WISE LITTLE MARYSunday School Teacher: "Who was

the mother of Moses?"Little Mary: "Pharaoh's daughter."Sunday School Teacher: "But she

only found him in the hullrushes."Little Mary: "That was her story."

AS EXPECTED"Do you have much t rouble in school,

Sammy?""Quite a lot.""What seems to give you the most

trouble?""The teacher."

DISHWASHERTeacher: "Can you tell me some-

thing about Good Friday, James?"James: "Yes'm; be was the fellow

that did the housework for RobinsonCrusoe."

SICK 'EMIt was in the grammar class the teach-

er asked: "What arc the three verbforms?"

A pupil rose and answered, "Indica-tive, interrogative, and imperative."

Teacher: "Give an example of eachform."

Pupil: "Tom is sick." Pause. "IsTom sick?" Long pause. "Sic 'emTom!"

BACK UP, TEACHERTeacher: "This is the worst compo-

sition in the class, so I'm going to wr i tea note telling your father about it."

Bobbie: "It will make him mad,teacher! He wrote it."

HONEST MAMMATeacher (helping Jane unfasten her

coat): "Did your mother hook thiscoat for you?"

Jane: "No, Ma'am, she bought it."

FLAT FACEVisiting Mamma: "I wish to find my

son, the Honorable Fitzalan FitzwalterFitzclarence Vere de Vere."

Schoolboy: "I'll have him sent toyou in a minute Madam. Here, Jones,go and tell young Flat Face he's wantedat once."

PEACE FOR A DAYFather: "Willie, were you quiet at

school today?"Willie: "I'll say so! I went to sleep

soon as I got there, and the teachersaid she'd punish anyone who woke meup!"

GRANT NOT PARTICULARA school-boy, writing an essay on the

surrender of Lee at Appomattox, statedthat General Lee came to the scene cladin all the regalia of the Southern Army,but that General Grant was dressed inhis simple Union suit.

TWO SHOTSTeacher: "Tommy, translate 'Rex

Fugit'."Tommy : "The King flees."Teacher: "You should use 'has' in

translating the perfect tense."Tommy: "The King has flees."

J A N U A R Y , 1 9 4 4 27

Animals In The NewsThe cat will mew, and dog will have hisday.—Shakespeare.—Hamlet, Act V.

• It is now 62 yearssince P. T. Barnumpaid the L o n d o nR o y a 1 ZoologicalGarden ten thousanddol lars for the larg-es t elephant e v e rknown. The beastwas named Jumbo,

animal's importance was suff ic ient toi small item in Webster's dictionary,name Jumbo has been accepted as

great bulk. Britons were indig-the sale of one of the world's

which are connected to mains eight inchesor larger."

ThegetThemeaningmint atgreatest drawing cards to an Americanshowman. The astute Barnum capitalizedon this and many other instances concern-ing the purchase. When the spring of 1882opened Jumbo made his first t r ip with theshow and was an outs tanding attraction.Jumbo stood 12 feet high, was 14 feet long,had a waist line of 18 feet and was notashamed of it. His weight was seven tons.Barnum's claim of the biggest of all ele-phants was never disputed or disproved.The purchase price and transportationcharges to America gave Jumbo a moneyvalue of $30,000. Before the circus seasonwas half over in 1882 Barnum had his moneyback as he had predicted.

On September 17, 1885, Jumbo was killedby a f re igh t train at St. Thomas, Ontario.The big beast was doing "his bit" at thetime—pushing heavily loaded circus carsinto place. As e lephant ' s l i l e expectancygoes he was l i t t le more than a baby, 24years old. Barnum, a trustee of Tufts Col-lege, had the h ide stuffed and set up inthe museum on the college grounds. Thebones were turned over to the New YorkCity museum. At Tuf t s College Jumbo isthe official mascot of the s tudents . Jumbolives in nat ional memory as a synonym ofeverything in size or bulk.

• "Who can tell me." asked the teacher ,"why the top of the fire hydrant is paintedyellow?", and a pupi l answered , "So thedogs can see them in the dark." He wassomewhere near be ing r ight . The St. LouisGlobe-Democrat asked Water CommissionerThomas J. Sp inker the < |m's t ion and heanswered: "In a d d i t i o n to the dumb animals,it is also an aid to the lire d e p a r t m e n t inlocating t h e hydran t in a black-out andthese yellow domes are placed on hydrants

• Man ' s a t t achment to dogs was recentlyillustrated by the 1,300 mile t r ip of SpecialTechnician Franklin E. Higgins f rom CampCrowder, Mo., to Albany, N. Y. Specialpermission was given for his leave. Thestory, under a two-column head, made thef ron t page of a metropolitan daily. Higgins'17-year-old airdale "Pal" had mourned hismaster's absence and finally had a stroke,from which veterinarians said recovery wasimpossible. When Higgins greeted his pet,"Pal" temporarily came out of the coma ofseveral days duration, gave his master along, affectionate look, wagged his tail faint-ly, licked Higgins' tear-stained face and fellhack unconscious for a long, last sleep.

• .Does the chicken come from the egg. orthe egg from the chicken? That's an oldunanswered quest ion. Now it has beenreplaced by a new one. Do you give thedog fleas or do you get them from the dog?Horror of horrors—you give them to thedog, according to the Baltimore Sun, whichsays it is en t i re ly possible that this is thecase. We are very f o n d of dogs, but ratherhesitate to admit that we supply the fleas.Pursuing this subject a l i t t l e fu r the r , it isinteresting to know on authority of a repu-table veterinarian, that what is usuallyclassed as distemper is in reali ty the com-mon cold which the dog contracts f romhumans. The veterinarian calls this "housedog disease." In addition he thinks thosewdio keep dogs housed up do not provetheir love for dogs but may prove thatthey arc unfee l ing brutes. Time to "flea."

• Army war dogs are trained as specialistsfor sentry duty, at tack operations, messen-ger service, silent scouts, casualty re l ie f , oras pack and sledge dogs.

OverdoneColonel Cody (Buffalo B i l l ) to ld the story

of an Englishman's visit to the west. R id ingthrough a Rocky Mountain pass, a t re-menduous wind swooped down and actuallycarried the Britisher from the wagon seat.Picking himself up, he brushed the sand andgravel out of his whiskers and piped,, "Is a , < > i i c1 a p ! : t h i n k y o u ra ther overdoventi lat ion in t h i s country."

The Order of the Eastern Star, in Iowa,has .given to the Armed Forces fifteen f u l l yequipped ambulances.

28 M U E L L E R R E C O R D

The National CapitalThe Center

of

Feverish Activity

William M. Springer was a prominentIllinois congressman serving from 1875to 1895. He was a staunch advocate inthose days in the effort to revise thetariff laws. He did another thing whichhis biographers did not overlook. Theysay: "He was the author of the resolu-tion that declared it inadvisable for anyman to serve more than two presidentialterms."

Far be it from us to impugn the mo-tives of men or statesmen. We makeno comparison to the present attitudeon the presidential length of service.Comparisons are odious, odiferous, of-fensive and perhaps out of order.

The vice president of the UnitedStates is a somewhat perfunctory in-dividual. The constitution says "that heshall be vice president of the senate butshall have no vote except on a tie. A tievote in the senate comes only in a bluemoon and so the vice president is sel-dom in the limelight.

•X- X -X

Thomas R. Marshall of Indiana, wasvice president under Woodrow Wilson.Marshall did not attract anymore at-tention than the average, as a statesman,but he had the saving grace of humoras a politician and frequently steppedout of the bonds of dignity and state-craft. On one occasion he got a laughfrom the country and a headline in thenewspapers by his wise crack, "thatwhat the country needed was a goodfive cent cigar". He got plenty of at-tention and succeeded in reminding thecountry that he was still presiding overthe senate. On another occasion he pokedfun at himself and the office he heldby remarking:

The vice president of the UnitedStates is like a man in a cataleptic

News Notes

of the

Past and Present

state; he cannot speak; he cannotmove; he suffers no pain; and yethe is perfectly conscious of every-thing going on about him."When the president is disabled or

resigns (they never do that) or dies,the vice president steps into the highposition and later may be fortunateenough to be elected to the office. Untilhe does this he is only called presidentthrough courtesy.

That point is covered by the constitu-tion, Article II, Section I, which reads:

"In case of the removal of the Presi-dent from office, or his death, resigna-tion or inability to discharge the Powersand Duties of the said office, the sameshall devolve on the Vice President, andthe congress may by law provide for thecase of Removal, Death, Resignation orInability, both of the President and VicePresident, what officer should then actas President, and such Officer shall thenact as President and such Officer shallact accordingly until the disability beremoved, or a president shall be elected."

It will be noted that "the powers andduties devolve upon the vice president"but there is no mention of the title.Furthermore there is added the phrase,that "such officer shall act accordingly."

This question came up years ago whenJohn Tyler stepped into the White Houseupon the death of William Henry Harri-son. John Tyler insisted on calling him-self president. He was criticised forthis by a former president who said: "Ipaid a visit to Mr. Tyler who styled him-self president of the United States andnot vice president, acting as presidentwhich would be the correct style. It isa construction in direct violation both ofthe grammar and the context of the con-stitution which confers upon the vice

( Con t inued on next page)

J A N U A R Y , 1 9 4 4 29

president on the death of the presidentnot the office but the powers and dutiesof the said office."

Adams First OccupantGeorge Washington was the first president

and he laid the cornerstone of the White_ House, but he didn't get to live in it. John

Hohan was the architect and the cornerstonewas laid on October 13, 1702. John Adamswas the first president to occupy the build-ing. He moved into the palatial building in1800. It must have been a homey sort ofa place. Mrs. Adams is said by one chron-icler to have used the East room for dryingthe family laundry. This may be true but itsmells phoney. This room afterward be-came known as the state parlor. The WhiteHouse is 170 feet long and 86 feet deep, withbasement, two stories and attic. It remainedmuch the same as when built until 1902-3when extensive alterations and additionswere made. These included a public entrancethrough a colonade on the east and execu-tive offices on the west, connected also withthe main building by a colonade.

* * *Keeping A Secret

Secretao' of the Navy Knox, was askedby a friend some casual questions about themovement of war vessels in the Pacific. Ofcourse it was a thoughtless question as wellas being out -of order but Knox leaned overin a confidential way and asked:

"Look here, can you keep a secret?""Of course T can" replied the fr iend with

an eager look on his face."Good", said the secretary, "so can I".

-x- * *Just Like Calvin

Typical of Calvin Coolidge's humor is thisstory of a press conference, when reportersf i r e d questions at the p r e s i d e n t , but got no-thing back—until the close.

"Have you anything to say about pro-hibition?"

"No.""Have you anything to say about the

World Court?""No.""About the farm situation?""No.""About the forthcoming senator ia l cam-

paign?" • '*"No."That ended the conference, except when

the reporters began filing out."And," called the president. "Don't quote

me."• • •

These three are not to be trusted evenwhen asleep: a crow, a dog and a shop-keeper.—Hindu Proverb.

A WORD OF WARNING

Plumbing Systems Intended For A Long

Use and Not for Abuse

Water in a plumbing system is de-livered to you under pressure of the bigpumps at the water works. The pipesthat carry this water give little or notrouble if not used improperly. Thewater, after being used in the bath,toilet, lavatory or sink must flow out.There is no other pressure behind it;that is why the drainage part of theplumbing system gives the most trouble.It is not the fault of the system, theplumber who installed it, or the goodsof the manufacturer which compose thesystem. It is, in a majority of cases,clearly the fault of those who use it, ormore properly speaking, abuse it. ThePlumbing and Heating Industries Bu-reaus says: "Plumbers receive morecalls for stopped-up drains than for anyother cause." Most of these stoppagescould be prevented by the regular usageof a drainage pipe solvent and by carein keeping out of the receptacles mattersuch as grease, lint, hair, coffee grounds,bits of garbage or any foreign substancethat might find lodgement in the pipesand thereby stop the necessary flow ofwater. This should never be overlooked.Some of the pipes necessary to the drain-age system are of small diameter andit does not require a great deal of for-eign matter to start the trouble, once itfinds lodgement.

Protect Your FaucetsFaucets are second in service calls.

They leak at times, not from mechanicaldefects, but from misuse mostly. Themost vulnerable part of the faucet isthe seat washer, rubber or composition.Either of these will eventually wearout. Prolong the life of this washer byhabitually turning the faucet handlefirmly but not forcefully. Let the senseof touch be your guide. If you use toomuch force you are shortening the lifeof the washer. If you do not close ittight enough to prevent dripping thewater will continue to seep throughand will finally ruin the faucet seat.

Care of Vitreous WareIf you wish to keep your vitreous

30 M U E L L E R R E C O R D

ware clean and white do not use anykind of abrasive on it. Once you scratchthe shiny smoothness and high polishof the lavatory, sink, toilet or bath tubit is on the way out. There is no reasonwhy a piece of vitreous ware should notlast a lifetime if given proper care. Theright thing to do if you spill medicine,fruit juices or other liquids or semi-liquids is to wipe it off immediately,using a wet cloth.

Preventing Sink TroubleDo not make a catch-all of your

kitchen sink and don't expect it to carryaways scraps of garbage, potato peel-ings or any semi-solids or solids. Itsimply cannot do it. There is a strainerin the sink put there for the sole purposeof preventing anything but water pass-ing into the drain. Do not try to rubany semi-solid stuff through the strain-er. If you do you will have to callthe plumber sooner or later. If youpersist in chipping ice in the sink withan ice pick you are certain at sometime to miss the ice and strike the sur-face of the sink with the point of thepick which is almost always sure toleave a mark on the surface and thatmeans the beginning of the end. If youpersist in the ice pick habit place a boardor tea towels in the sink. They willafford some protection.

Common SenseAbove all things remember that to

get good, lasting, satisfactory servicefrom the drainage part of your plumb-ing system you must use common senseand keep all foreign substances fromgoing into it.

• • •HERE—THERE—EVERYWHERECocoanut trees may bend to touch the

ground in a storm, without breaking.The Vittiria, in which Magellan first sailed

round the world, was a ship of only 85 tonsdisplacement.

Forty-one railroads have agreed to carrytwo persons for one fare—that is, a blindperson who has to be escorted by a guide.

A Sioux Indian in South Dakota wassentenced to serve two years in the statepenitentiary for biting off his wife's noseso she would be less attractive to other men.

There are in our United States nearlyfive million pople who can neither readnor write.

The most popular publication in theworld today from the point of use andnumber of copies is the Telephone Book.

Health Hint—To avoid hitting the thumb\v i t h a hammer when driving a nail, holdthe hammer with both hands.

The well-educated American knows from60,000 to 70,000 words.

In 3000 B. C., a Persian monarch triedto fly by means of trained eagles.

Right of the olive trees in the historicMount of Olives in Jerusalem are known tohe over 1,000 years old.

Great Libraries

There are many large libraries in thiscountry. The American Library Associa-t ion recently made a nation-wide surveyand found that the University of Californiaiiad the third largest in the country.

WAR BONDSPictures of Ruin

War pictures taken by the Armyand the Navy after every im-portant action are a matter of edu-cation for our fighters and form thebasis to plan further attacks.

We want our aerial photographersto take action pictures over everyacre of Germany and Japan. Ourpart is to buy War Bonds.

Ready to go to work, an aerialcamera costs our Government in theneighborhood of $8,000, and we areusing them by the hundreds on allfronts. Figure it out yourself andincrease your Payroll Savings de-ductions, u. S. Treasury Department

J A N U A R Y , 1 9 4 4 31

DEATH AT DENVER

The recent death of Captain JamesSinclair Smith, vice-president of Hendrie& Bolthoff, Denver, was deeply regrettedby all those friends and acquaintanceswho knew and recognized his manymanly qualities.

He was a native of Southsea, England,where he was born September 8, 1862.At the age of 18 he came to the U. S.,living first in Northern Iowa. He wentto Colorado in 1885, and was engagedas a civil engineer on the Denver & RioGrande railroad. In 1892 he joined theHendrie & Bolthoff organization as acollector, and since then had been iden-tified with that company.

During his term of 51 years with thiscompany he rose to the vice-presidencyand was also a director before his healthfailed.

He was a soldier, the father and grand-father of soldiers. Three sons, onedaughter and three grandsons are inactive war service. He himself was acaptain in the quartermaster corps inWorld War I, stationed at Camp Funs-ton. Although inactive because of hisage, he retained his reserve officer com-mission. He was active for years inthe Reserve Officers and the Quarter-master associations. He was a memberof the Colorado Society of Engineers andthe Denver athletic club.

Mr. Smith is survived by his wife,Mrs. Elizabeth J. Smith, of Denver,Colorado, and three sons, Staff Sergt.Ralph S. Smith, Philip T. Smith, a chiefstorekeeper in the Navy, and Dr. E.Geoffrey Smith, and a daughter, FirstLieut. Margaret C. Smith of the WAC,stationed at Randolph Field, Texas.

UNDERPRESSUREIS NOT A PROBLEM

Since 1871, Mueller Tapping Machineshave made it easy to cut into a mainand make service connections withoutshutting down or disturbing the fullhead of pressure. The "B" Machineillustrated below, is a necessity to anywater company. This machine willdrill, tap and insert corporation stopsin mains under pressure, handlingstops up to 1" size. Other machinesare available for larger sizes in eitherhand or power operated models.

M u e l l e r Tapp ingMachines hove areputation for tak-ing hard usage, butwouldn't it be agood idea to sendyour present Muel-ler Tapping Mach-ine in to us for at h o r o u g h inspec-tion? We will giveit a thorough testand re -new anyworn parts so thatyou will be sure itis in perfect work-ing order.

MUELLER CO.Decatur, Illinois

32 M U E L L E R R E C O R D

PRINTED.IN THE INTEREST OF VICTORY BYTHE PLUMBING DIVISION OF MUELLER CO.

DECATUR B, ILL.

For Accurate Regulationof Gas Pressures

MUELLERGAf

Mueller Gas Station Regulators havemany features that assure dependableregulation of gas pressure regardless ofvolume requirements. Sufficient poweris always available for proper operationbecause of the large diaphragms andprovision is also made for extra longtravel of the stem so that large volumesof gas may be available at any time.For ordinary service, the Style 46 DistrictRegulator is recommended and for lo-cations where high peak demands arerequired, the Style 39 Automatic Regu-lator will automatically increase thedelivery pressure to off-set functionallosses.

Mueller Gas Regulators are readily

accessible. Large hand holes on each

side of the body are provided so that the

valve discs can be easily replaced with-

out removing the regulator from the line.

Any model regulator can be equipped

with removable bronze seats, either full

or under-sized and any average service

man can readily install. In areas sub-

jected to flooding, the regulator can be•water-proofed so that service will not beinterrupted.

Write us regarding your requirements.

AUTOMATIC REGULATORSTYLE 39

DISTRICT REGULATORSTYLE 46

MUELLER CO.DECATUR, ILLINOIS