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CHAPTER 4CHAPTER 4

Revising and Proofreading

Business Messages

Chapter 1, Slide 2Mary Ellen Guffey, Essentials of Business Communication, 7e

The Writing ProcessThe Writing Process

Chapter 4, Slide 3Mary Ellen Guffey, Essentials of Business Communication, 7e

Improving content and sentence structure—may

involve adding, cutting, recasting

Improving content and sentence structure—may

involve adding, cutting, recasting

Correcting grammar, spelling, punctuation, format, and mechanics

Correcting grammar, spelling, punctuation, format, and mechanics

Proofreading

Revising

Chapter 1, Slide 4Mary Ellen Guffey, Essentials of Business Communication, 7e

Memo Revised for Conciseness

Chapter 4, Slide 5Mary Ellen Guffey, Essentials of Business Communication, 7e

Concise WordingConcise WordingConcise WordingConcise Wording

Revise your messages to eliminate wordiness.

Instead of this

We are of the opinion that

Please feel free to

In addition to the above

At this point in time

Despite the fact that

Try this

We think

Please

Also

Now

Although

Chapter 4, Slide 6Mary Ellen Guffey, Essentials of Business Communication, 7e

ClichésClichés

SlangSlang

JargonJargon

RedundantWords

RedundantWords FillersFillers

NeedlessAdverbs

NeedlessAdverbs

OutdatedExpressions

OutdatedExpressions

LongLead-Ins

LongLead-Ins

WordyPrepositional

Phrases

WordyPrepositional

Phrases

ConciseConciseWritingWriting

EliminatesEliminates

ConciseConciseWritingWriting

EliminatesEliminates

Chapter 4, Slide 7Mary Ellen Guffey, Essentials of Business Communication, 7e

Wordy Prepositional PhrasesWordy Prepositional PhrasesWordy Prepositional PhrasesWordy Prepositional Phrases

Instead of this

We don’t as a general rule cash personal checks.

Students in very few instances receive parking tickets.

She calls meetings on a monthly basis.

Try this

We don’t generally cash personal checks.

Students seldom get parking tickets.

She calls monthly meetings.

Chapter 4, Slide 8Mary Ellen Guffey, Essentials of Business Communication, 7e

Long Lead-InsLong Lead-InsLong Lead-InsLong Lead-Ins

Instead of this

This memo is to inform you that all employees meet today.

I am writing this letter to say thanks to everyone who voted.

Try this

All employees meet today.

Thanks to everyone who voted.

Chapter 4, Slide 9Mary Ellen Guffey, Essentials of Business Communication, 7e

Outdated ExpressionsOutdated ExpressionsOutdated ExpressionsOutdated Expressions

Outdated

as per your request

pursuant to your request

attached hereunto

under separate cover

Modern

at your request

at your request

attached

separately

Chapter 4, Slide 10Mary Ellen Guffey, Essentials of Business Communication, 7e

Needless AdverbsNeedless AdverbsNeedless AdverbsNeedless Adverbs

To sound more credible and to streamline your writing, avoid excessive use of adverbs such as definitely, quite, really, and actually.

Try this

The manager is pleased with your proposal because the plan is workable.

Instead of this

The manager is actually quite pleased with your proposal because the plan is definitely workable.

Chapter 4, Slide 11Mary Ellen Guffey, Essentials of Business Communication, 7e

FillersFillersFillersFillers

Revise sentences to avoid fillers such as there and it when used merely to take up space.

Instead of this

There are two employees who should be promoted.

It was Lisa and Jeff who were honored.

Try this

Two employees should be promoted.

Lisa and Jeff were honored.

Chapter 4, Slide 12Mary Ellen Guffey, Essentials of Business Communication, 7e

Redundant WordsRedundant WordsRedundant WordsRedundant Words

Avoid unnecessarily repetitious words. What words could be omitted in these expressions?

advance warning

close proximity

exactly identical

filled to capacity

final outcome

necessary requisite

new beginning

past history

refer back

serious danger

Chapter 4, Slide 13Mary Ellen Guffey, Essentials of Business Communication, 7e

JargonJargonJargonJargon

Avoid technical terms and special terminology that readers would not recognize.

Computer jargon

queue

export

bandwidth

Alternative language

list of documents waiting to be printed

transfer data from one program to another

Internet capacity

Is jargon ever permissible?

Chapter 4, Slide 14Mary Ellen Guffey, Essentials of Business Communication, 7e

SlangSlangSlangSlang

Avoid slang (informal expressions with arbitrary or extravagantly changed meanings).

to “bag on”

clueless

turkey

chill/chill out

to tease, to nag, or to complain

unaware, naïve

someone stupid or silly

relax

Chapter 4, Slide 15Mary Ellen Guffey, Essentials of Business Communication, 7e

ClichésClichésClichésClichés

Avoid clichés (overused expressions). Substitute more precise words.

Instead of this

Last but not least, you should keep your nose to the grindstone.

We had reached the end of our rope.

Try this

Finally, you should work diligently.

We could go no further.

Chapter 4, Slide 16Mary Ellen Guffey, Essentials of Business Communication, 7e

IncludesVivid

Adjectives

IncludesVivid

Adjectives

UsesConcrete

Nouns

UsesConcrete

Nouns

Avoids WordyVerb/Noun

Conversions

Avoids WordyVerb/Noun

Conversions

UsesPreciseVerbs

UsesPreciseVerbs

The BestThe BestBusinessBusinessWritingWriting

The BestThe BestBusinessBusinessWritingWriting

Chapter 4, Slide 17Mary Ellen Guffey, Essentials of Business Communication, 7e

What to Watch for What to Watch for in Proofreadingin Proofreading

What to Watch for What to Watch for in Proofreadingin Proofreading

Spelling

Grammar

Punctuation

Names and numbers

Format

Chapter 4, Slide 18Mary Ellen Guffey, Essentials of Business Communication, 7e

Proofreading Marks

Chapter 4, Slide 19Mary Ellen Guffey, Essentials of Business Communication, 7e

Chapter 4, Slide 20Mary Ellen Guffey, Essentials of Business Communication, 7e

How to Proofread How to Proofread Complex DocumentsComplex Documents

Allow adequate time. Print a copy, preferably double-spaced. Be prepared to find errors. Read once for meaning and once for

grammar/mechanics. Reduce your reading speed.

Chapter 1, Slide 21Mary Ellen Guffey, Essentials of Business Communication, 7e

For documents that must be perfect:

Have someone read aloud the original while someone else checks the printout.

Spell names. Spell difficult words. Note capitalization. Note punctuation.