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Transcript of © 2005 The McGraw-Hill Companies, Inc. All rights reserved. Chapter 6 Love and Mate Selection...
© 2005 The McGraw-Hill Companies, Inc. All rights reserved.
Chapter 6
Love and Mate Selection
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© 2005 The McGraw-Hill Companies, Inc. All rights reserved.
Chapter Preview
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© 2005 The McGraw-Hill Companies, Inc. All rights reserved.
Topics
What is love? Types of love Components of love How does love change over time? How do we choose our mate? Living together Engagement and marriage
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© 2005 The McGraw-Hill Companies, Inc. All rights reserved.
Chapter Questions
What do people really mean when they use the word ‘love’?
Why is romantic love so wonderful?
What does eroticism have to do with love?
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© 2005 The McGraw-Hill Companies, Inc. All rights reserved.
Chapter Questions
How can adult love be dependent?
What does love have to do with being friends?
What does altruism look like?
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© 2005 The McGraw-Hill Companies, Inc. All rights reserved.
Chapter Questions
So which kind of love makes marriage successful?
What does how well our needs were met as babies have to do with our adult relationships?
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© 2005 The McGraw-Hill Companies, Inc. All rights reserved.
Chapter Questions
How do people’s attitudes about love change as they get older?
How do we find the person we want to marry?
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© 2005 The McGraw-Hill Companies, Inc. All rights reserved.
Chapter Questions
How might the way I was raised affect who I choose to marry?
What personal qualities are important for a happy marriage?
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© 2005 The McGraw-Hill Companies, Inc. All rights reserved.
Chapter Questions
How common is it for people to live together without being married?
What happens between wanting to be married and getting married?
What formalities mark the transition to being officially married?
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© 2005 The McGraw-Hill Companies, Inc. All rights reserved.
Guided Learning Process 1st: Question 2nd: Study 3rd: Mark 4th: Question again 5th: Recite 6th: Check 7th: Restudy if necessary
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© 2005 The McGraw-Hill Companies, Inc. All rights reserved.
Text Assignment
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© 2005 The McGraw-Hill Companies, Inc. All rights reserved.A 1-2-3-4
What do people really mean when they use the word ‘love’?
© 2005 The McGraw-Hill Companies, Inc. All rights reserved.
How has dating changed in America?
How did single people get together before the existence of dating?
How did courtship turn into dating?
What was dating like on early college campuses?
A
© 2005 The McGraw-Hill Companies, Inc. All rights reserved.
Why is romantic love so wonderful?
How important is romance in a marriage?
B – B 1
© 2005 The McGraw-Hill Companies, Inc. All rights reserved.
What does eroticism have to do with love?
Isn’t love just another word for sex?
What does sex have to do with love?
C 1-2
© 2005 The McGraw-Hill Companies, Inc. All rights reserved.
How can adult love be dependent?
What do we need from love?
D – D1
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What does love have to do with being friends?
E - E1
Do we have to like someone we love?
© 2005 The McGraw-Hill Companies, Inc. All rights reserved.
What does altruism look like?
F – F1
How is Fromm’s view of love different from others?
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So which kind of love makes marriage successful?
G – G1
What have researchers found out about the different kinds of love?
© 2005 The McGraw-Hill Companies, Inc. All rights reserved.H
What does how well our needs were met as babies have to do with our adult relationships?
© 2005 The McGraw-Hill Companies, Inc. All rights reserved.I
How do people’s attitudes about love change as they get older?
© 2005 The McGraw-Hill Companies, Inc. All rights reserved.
How do we find the person we want to marry?
How does our childhood unconsciously influence what we want in a mate?
Do we look for a mate who can give us what we need?
J 1-2
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How do we find the person we want to marry?
Do we choose a mate because we each have something the other one wants?
How do we narrow our options down to the person we will marry?
J 3-4
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How might the way I was raised affect who I choose to marry?
How can marriage be affected when people of different socioeconomic classes marry?
Do people have to marry someone with the same education and intelligence level to be happy?
K 1-2
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How might the way I was raised affect who I choose to marry?
How well do interracial and interethnic marriages work?
Can marriages between people who have different religions work?
K 3-4
© 2005 The McGraw-Hill Companies, Inc. All rights reserved.
What personal qualities are important for a happy marriage? What personal traits does research
show are likely to make marriage happier?
What about age difference?
What do we need to agree about to be happily married?
L 1-2-3
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What personal qualities are important for a happy marriage?
How do our ideas about men and women and our personal habits affect whether we will be happy when we’re married?
L4
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How common is it for people to live together without being married?
Why do people choose to live together without being married?
Does living together first increase the chances of having a successful marriage?
M 1-2
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What happens between wanting to be married and getting married?
How can we know if we’re ready to be married?
What do couples need to do to be legally married?
What preparation is important for a successful marriage?
N 1-2-3
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What formalities mark the transition to being officially married?
Why does there need to be an engagement period?
Why is the wedding itself so important?
O 1-2
© 2005 The McGraw-Hill Companies, Inc. All rights reserved.
Special Sections
Preview SS
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Personal Perspective: The Big Wedding
What are the pros and cons of having a big wedding?
Preview PP
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Cultural Perspectives: Chinese Wedding Ceremonies
How do Chinese rituals reflect their culture and values?
Preview CP
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At Issue Today: The Lavish Wedding
Why are weddings becoming so extravagant and expensive?
Preview AI
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A Question of Policy: Marriage Incentives
How are lawmakers seeking to decrease welfare costs?
Preview QP
© 2005 The McGraw-Hill Companies, Inc. All rights reserved.Preview SS END
© 2005 The McGraw-Hill Companies, Inc. All rights reserved.
Love
We define love according to our own experiences
Love = very large concept with many
dimensions
A
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© 2005 The McGraw-Hill Companies, Inc. All rights reserved.
Elements of Romantic Love
Passionate affection Strong emotion and feeling Desire to be together Sexual attraction Idealization and adoration Altruism and unselfishness Feelings of self-confidence
B
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Romantic Love and Marriage
Romance brings us into possibly serious relationships
Conscious love = romantic feelings towards someone whose real nature we know
Romance can blind us to real nature
B1
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© 2005 The McGraw-Hill Companies, Inc. All rights reserved.
How are love and sex connected?
Strong emotions cause physical arousal – hormones
Love and sex can be experienced separately – Reik
Casual sex different for men and women
Sex can be an expression of love
C 1-2
© 2005 The McGraw-Hill Companies, Inc. All rights reserved.C End
© 2005 The McGraw-Hill Companies, Inc. All rights reserved.
The “Need” for Love
Dependent love — someone’s needs are fulfilled by another
Why children ‘love’ their parents Because their parents meet their needs
D
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Maslow’s theory of love as need
Everyone has a basic psychological need for love
Love is defined as ‘meeting needs’
D1
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© 2005 The McGraw-Hill Companies, Inc. All rights reserved.
Friendship Love
Similar to companionate love
Friends truly like one another and enjoy each other’s company
Mature love includes liking
E
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Friendship Love Compared to romantic love:
More: relaxed secure
Less: tense and anxious possessive emotional
E 1
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© 2005 The McGraw-Hill Companies, Inc. All rights reserved.
Altruistic Love
Unselfish active concern for other
Fromm: Care
Responsibility
Respect
Knowledge
Domination is opposite of love
F1
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© 2005 The McGraw-Hill Companies, Inc. All rights reserved.
Love in Successful Marriage
Realistic romantic love
Erotic love – builds and strengthens bond
Mutually dependent with give and take
Friendship and companionship
Altruistic genuine concern and care
G1
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Sternberg’s Components of Love
IntimacyPassionCommitment
G 1
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Sternberg’s Eight Combinations of Love
No Love
Liking - I only
Infatuation - P only
Empty love - C only
G1
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Sternberg’s Eight Combinations of Love
Romantic love = I + P
Companionate love = I + C
Fatuous love = P + C
Consummate love = I + P + C
G1
© 2005 The McGraw-Hill Companies, Inc. All rights reserved.G End
© 2005 The McGraw-Hill Companies, Inc. All rights reserved.
Love and Attachment
Early relationships with parents affect:
Sense of self-worth
Expectations of relationships
Patterns of relationships
H
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Styles of Attachment
Secure – parents met needs promptly and with sensitivity
Anxious or ambivalent – parents not dependable in meeting needs
Avoidant – parents did not meet needs
H
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Relationships and Attachment
Lasting relationships — secure
Fall in love often — anxious/ambivalent
Doubtful of romantic love — avoidant
H
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Adolescents and Attachment
Secure attachment associated with:
stronger friendship groups
closer and longer dating friendships
less stressed and lonely
happier with academics
H
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Sex in College and Attachment
Anxious/ambivalent – had sex to reduce feelings of insecurity
Avoidant – had sex to impress their friends
H
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© 2005 The McGraw-Hill Companies, Inc. All rights reserved.
Changes in Love Over Time
Young singles -- more playful obsessive possessive
Older married – more practical
Men and women had similar attitudes
I
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Happily Married People value:
Eroticism and sexual intimacy Altruism – self-giving love Friendship Exclusive commitment Support for partner Passionate valuing of partner/relationship
I
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© 2005 The McGraw-Hill Companies, Inc. All rights reserved.
Theories of Mate Selection
Psychodynamic Theories
Parent image theory Ideal mate theory
Needs Theories
Exchange Theories
J 1-2-3
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Theories of Mate Selection
Developmental Process Theories
Filtering Propinquity Attraction Homogamy/heterogamy Endogamy/exogamy
J 4
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© 2005 The McGraw-Hill Companies, Inc. All rights reserved.
Family Background Factors in Mate Selection
Socioeconomic Class
> more satisfied if marry at same level
> women more unlikely to marry down
K 1
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Family Background Factors in Mate Selection
Education and Intelligence
> more stable if partners at similar levels
> divorce more likely if woman has more education
K 2
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How well do interethnic marriages work?
Interethnic Marriages
> becoming more common
> 3.6% of couples
> not yet fully accepted
K 3
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How well do interfaith marriages work?
Interfaith Marriages
> less likely if conservative or orthodox
> becoming more common
> more common among highly educated
K 4
© 2005 The McGraw-Hill Companies, Inc. All rights reserved.K End
© 2005 The McGraw-Hill Companies, Inc. All rights reserved.
Personal Characteristics
Individual traits/behavior Age differentials Similarity of attitudes & values Compatible roles Personal habits
L 1-2-3-4
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Nonmarital Cohabitation
Very common today
Statistics
Can be advanced form of dating
Doesn’t require marriage intention
M 1
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Nonmarital Cohabitation
Patterns of Relationships
Utilitarian Involved & committed Trial marriage Marriage prelude Marriage alternative
M 2
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Nonmarital Cohabitation
Living together marriage ? NO Because:
Lower commitment level Different characteristics
Divorce rate higher unless already committed to getting married
M 3
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© 2005 The McGraw-Hill Companies, Inc. All rights reserved.
How can we know if we’re ready to be married?
Both people feel ready to be married Career preparation finished Emotionally mature Marrying for the right reasons Want to be sexually faithful Can transfer affection from parents
N 1
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Marriage and the Law States have different requirements
Those with following cannot marry:
Consanguinity Affinity Mental deficiency Insanity
N 2
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Marriage and the Law
Requirements for legal marriage:
Age of 18 or parents’ consent Capable of fulfilling marriage requirements Full consent Legally sane Permit, sometimes requires waiting period or
tests
N 2
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Preparation for Marriage
Parents may be good models
Premarital relationship assessments can reveal areas of difficulty
PREPARE/ENRICH AND FOCCUS programs have good predictive validity
N 3
© 2005 The McGraw-Hill Companies, Inc. All rights reserved.N End
© 2005 The McGraw-Hill Companies, Inc. All rights reserved.
Rites of Passage
Rites of passage — ceremonies or rituals marking the passage from one social status to another
Engagement Intermediate stage between courtship and
marriage
The wedding is a religious and civil rite
O 1-2
© 2005 The McGraw-Hill Companies, Inc. All rights reserved.O End