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23YOUR KIDS ARE AWESOME!
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As a busy parent, you’ve probably already noticed that your kidshave certain sticking points during the course o the day that
always degenrate into a battle o wills. Whether it’s reusing to eat
properly at the table or getting them into bed, don’t panic! Te
act is: kids (even Awesome ones) look at lie a little differently
than adults do. And ofen its this difference in perspective that
leads to loggerheads.
Here are a ew o the areas we know parents have the most trouble
with.
Did you know that more than 60% o the time children don’t
comply the first time they’re asked to do something? O course
you did. You’re a parent! Ignoring you, getting sidetracked, or
just outright reusal to do something suddenly becomes par or
the course or your little Awesome Monster.
So what’s that all about? At around the age o two kids begin to
sense they’re separate rom the big people, and to experiment
saying: “No!”. Tis is your child beginning to develop healthy
assertiveness skills, and personal boundaries.
Chapterthree
Dealing with Difficult
Behavior and Rein-
forcing the Good
No!
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And remember, their reusal isn’t just bald defiance, it’s also thethe start o a child’s understanding o negotiation and problem
solving.
As inconvenient and downright stressul as it is, we all want our
children to be able to think or themselves and to stand up or
what they believe in when they’re adults.
Knowing when to stand your ground is an important skill which
will help them navigate their way through disagreements with
others. It’s a skill best taught at home, where people love and
support them and can help them to orm coping strategies. It’s
better than being taught by other kids, who also want their own
way, and haven’t learned these skills yet either.
O course, no one’s suggesting that every time they assert them-
selves, they get what they want. Te world doesn’t work that way
or anyone, no matter how old you are.
But it’s perhaps reassuring to know that kids saying no, or not
complying immediately, is normal and typically occurs with
nearly all o then more than hal the time they’re asked or told to
do something.
Luckily, the Awesome Deck o Awesome can help you reduce the
requency o those no’s significantly, by shifing the ocus onto
something they want and are motivated to work or: an Awesome
card!
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I you’re a kid, that is.
Getting kids to hurry up is a source o stress in many amilies, or
both parents and children. But remember, kids don’t think about
time the way adults do. Period.
Tink back to when you were a child and it was the last day o
school beore the holidays, when you had the eeling o the sum-
mer stretching endlessly out beore you, and how now, you blink,
and the summer has passed. ime was simply a different concept
back then.
Kids live much more in the now than we adults do. Tey get
totally engrossed in what they’re doing at that moment, and all
else ades away.
Partly because their brains are still under construction, they really
do think differently than we adults do… they are not just smaller
versions o us.
When trying to cajole a kid to up-the-pace, it really helps to get
their attention ocused, and some strategies or this include:
• Touching them gently on the shoulder
• Ensuring eye contact (so you know they’re present)
• Telling them what you need in short simple sentences
• Having them repeat what you just said, so you know theyheard and understood
• When they’re ready, reinforcing that good behavior with an
Awesome card!
Time is on your side
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Another strategy you might want to try is walking them back-
wards through what needs to be done - allowing them to fill in theblanks and internalize the steps...
“I we want to see Daddy, we have to get to the station beore his
train arrives. What do we need to do to get ready?”
“Get our shoes on?”
“Yup! And what else?”
“Our coats?”
“And what do we need to put away beore we can do those
things?”
“My puzzle?”
“Tat’s right! And i we can get that done in the next 5 minutes,
I’ve got an Awesome card or you!”
Tere can come a time when waking your child up is harder than
getting them to go to sleep! Some kids are morning birds and will
be up with the dawn. In these cases, an Awesome card or staying
quietly in their bedroom until it’s time to get up can be helpul!
But some are slow to transition between sleeping and wakeulness.
For these children, rushing them gets them up on the wrong side
o the bed!
Tips for Managing Difficult Risers:
• Help them choose and lay out what they want to wear the
next day the night before. Have everything ready.
• Give them more time – start waking them earlier, let them
wake up naturally, and gradually.
• Wake them one sense at a time. Try humming quietly as
you go into their bedroom, open the curtains a bit to let
Getting a Sleepyhead
out of Bed
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in some light, then say good morning. You could then try
tickling them, or rubbing their back, or singing to themsoftly.
• Bring them a small glass of juice, or a bit of fruit if that
helps, to put by their bedside for when they’re ready for it.
• Try having a ‘beat the clock’ race when getting dressed or
get them to beat their own previous record.
• Have a no TV in the morning rule – it causes way too many
issues. At the very least, ensure they don’t get plugged
in to TV or tech toys until after they’ve completed all their
morning routines (including getting dressed, personal hy-
giene routines, breakfast and getting their backpack ready
for school.
Remember that all o these issues can be set it up as a regular
Awesome goal to be overcome and rewarded or success. Ten
watch how this motivates them to complete the task and eel good
about their accomplishment!
Some mornings, it may seem that you just can’t get the children
out the door. Whenever you have complex routines where a series
o steps need be completed, give an Awesome card afer each step
o the getting ready process. For example:
One card or getting dressed.
One card or teeth brushing.
One card or showing up at the breakast table.
One card or getting coats and shoes on and books collected.
Te night beore, place a card on their dresser, by the sink, at the
table, and on their books, as a reminder o what needs to be done.
Morning Routines
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Again, when they’re first learning these skills, and practicing thesequence (or example as preschoolers), try ocusing on one skill
at a time. Give one card immediately afer they complete each
step, even i you need to verbally remind them.
Ten, as they begin to understand the pattern o what you want,
you can decrease your presence and reminders, still giving the
cards when they’ve completed the needed routine.
What’s helpul here is the consistency and predictability in your
expectations. Give them opportunities to remember it themselves
whenever possible.
Afer you’ve helped them to learn these skills, you’ll also want to
encourage more independent behavior choices. Again, when they
are young, to help them with this, you can use a visual reminder
or them – create a chart (with photos rom a magazine perhaps)
o each o the steps they need to take in the morning such asgetting up, choosing their clothes, getting dressed, brushing their
teeth and hair, washing their ace and hands, eating breakast,
getting their coats and shoes on etc.
Put the chart on the ridge and get them a small magnet so they
can move the magnet afer they accomplish each task. Beore they
leave in the morning, award them with a card or each o their
Awesome accomplishments.
As children get older, and more amiliar with completing the
routines independently, change the goal so that they only get the
card i you don’t have to tell them to do these things. Set it up the
first couple o days and then see how they do, awarding a card or
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every small task completed.
For pre-school children, give the cards as closely as possible to the
time they’ve earned it. Tis helps them to develop the connection
between their behavior (cause) and getting the card (effect).
For older children, rather than giving the cards immediately, you
can wait until the evening and then make an elaborate show o
explaining how they earned each card, and also give them tips
on how to remember the other (missed) steps. Tey’ll go to bed
pumped and eager to perorm even better the next day!
I probably don’t need to tell you that or many children (and their
parents), bedtimes can be the most challenging time o the day.
For the under 5 year olds, the daytime world is still a magical
place, where things happen randomly. Remember that they hav-
en’t yet grasped cause and effect.
Your attempts to reason with them and explain that they’ll be tired
in the morning will all on dea ears (and sometimes a howling
mouth!). Tey just don’t want to be separated rom the action and
lie alone in the dark, and at that young age who can blame them?
Tey have to relinquish what tenuous bit o power they eel they
have in the world.
Not only that, when the darkness descends, even their riendly
bedroom and toys can take on a sinister look. Monsters could be
lurking under the bed, or in the closet, and their primary source
o comort (you!) isn’t there to protect them.
Te bedtime avoidance dance is a critically important one to nip
Bedtimes - Just Set-
tle Down and go to
Sleep!!!
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in the bud, not only or your own sanity, but to prevent your child
eeling anxious and to give them the benefit o a good nights restwith as little trauma as possible.
So, how best can this be done?
Have a solid, predictable wind down routine. ypically, this
involves:
• Letting them know in advance that bedtime is coming
• Having a light healthy snack
• Getting their glass of water, or whatever it is that they usu-
ally demand after they’ve been tucked in
• A warm bath can help if they find this soothing rather than
energizing – this is not the time for bath-tub typhoons, tida
waves and other natural disasters!
• Brushing their teeth and washing their face
• Quiet time unplugged from tech-toys or tv
• A quiet one-on-one activity such as reading a book togeth-
er, or playing a quiet game in their bedroom (preferably in
bed). This is an opportunity for quality time together. It
doesn’t need to be long – 10 minutes for a story, or even a
half an hour long chat if you both really enjoy it.
• An ending ritual to clearly signal the end of the bedtime.
My mom used to have five different kinds of kisses, includ-
ing nose-rubs, and eyelash [butterfly] kisses which we’d
do on each other’s cheeks. But you can adapt this to have
a special series of handshakes, or a backrub, a well-loved
song you sing to them, or tracing ‘I love you’ on their back
with your finger, one letter at a time. Whatever you choose
together, make it your nightly ritual.
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Stick to your goodnight boundaries. Some parents do this by
ignoring their child’s ongoing efforts to re-engage them afer lightsout, and sometimes it’s necessary. However, the use o Awesome
cards as a reward or staying in bed quietly and alling asleep can
also produce dramatically successul results (when the card is
awarded the next morning!).
Tere can be lots o issues associated with mealtimes, resulting in
the table becoming real battlegrounds or some amilies.
In terms o ood, some kids are just pickier than others. Usually,
this is because they hate the textures or taste. Kids have sensitive
tastebuds and taste ood ar more intensely than adults.
oo many rules can also cause ructions, or example: “You must
eat every bit off your plate beore leaving the table” or “You must
eat everything we do, even i you hate liver, brussel sprouts, etc.”
Tese methods can sometimes can create anxiety and instantreflexive resistance in kids.
Remember that i given space, their ood preerences will naturally
change and shif over time and, as their palate develops, previous-
ly disliked oods may become acceptable to their tastebuds.
Family mealtimes – a dying art?
In this fast-paced world where everyone is multi-task-
ing, the opportunity for eating together as a family
also seems to be disappearing, as reported in the
British newspaper, the Daily Mail (2010). Research
conducted amongst 3,000 U.K. adults found: “Al-
though 94 per cent of people reckon the evening
Mealtimes
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meal is a great time for families to catch up together”
very few people actually achieve this. Those who domanage to sit at the table together don’t always have
the quality time together; thanks to their devices.
• More than a third of adults and children watch TV
while sat at the dinner table.
• Another eighteen percent make phone calls or send
text messages on their mobile.
• Sixteen percent read a book or magazine instead ofhaving a conversation with their loved ones.
• While nine percent admitted to playing computer
games.
Child Psychologist Richard Woolfson, commented
that the Bisto Aah Night survey sadly confirms that
the traditional family meal is in decline.
But here’s why allowing family meals to become
obsolete is not a good idea: Huffington Post author
Timi Gustafson (2012) reported that “studies have
shown time and again that eating together has multi-
ple benefits for everyone involved, but especially for
children; and not only for nutritional purposes but in
many other aspects as well. According to a number
of reports issued by the National Center on Addictionand Substance Abuse at Columbia University(CASA),
children who eat at least five times a week with their
family are at lower risk of developing poor eating
habits, weight problems or alcohol and substance
dependencies; and tend to perform better academ-
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ically than their peers who frequently eat alone or
away from home.”9
Also, author Miriam Weinstein concurs in her book
titled “The Surprising Power of Family Meals”, “The
dinner table can be the perfect environment where
kids learn how to conduct conversations, observe
good manners, serve others, listen, solve conflicts and
compromise.”10
Obviously, there are many reasons or working to ensure your
amily gets to experience the pleasures and learning opportunities
that can be associated with enjoying regular meals together. So,
try to:
• Ensure regular opportunities or eating together
• Focus on eating and sharing about your day, rather than
multi-tasking: don’t allow reading or the use o devices
• Make watching a movie or tv together part o your evening
routines, rather than part o your regular mealtimes
• And avoid having battles over ood
Work with your child on all these areas, as needed, using Awe-
some cards as rewards. Remember, mealtimes are meant to be
or sharing together, both ood and conversation. Tey provide
an intimate opportunity or sharing your day’s experiences andnurturing your child.
And… your children may actually thank you or this! Te Bisto
Aah Night survey (2010) results reported that “two thirds o kids
yearn or a return to the traditional amily dinner time”. It seems
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they too are looking or ways to strengthen amily relationships,
by spending quality time together.11
We all know that it can be challenging to corral your child when
out in public, especially when they’re disinclined to cooperate.
Tis can run the gamut rom your being out at a riend’s together,
at a sporting event, out shopping or some necessity other than
your child’s priority o the latest toy, at a relative’s. It might even
just be at the local park when playing with other kids.
Again, kids aren’t little adults in terms o how they perceive and
process inormation. Developing the skills to delay their gratifica-
tion, to cooperate when something doesn’t interest them, or to get
along with another child who’s being unruly or obnoxious is all
part o their learning curve.
One means o avoiding trouble is by pre-planning your trip. Set
a goal with your child, outlining the desired behavior and thenumber o cards they will earn. Discuss the potential challenges
and pre-solve options or dealing with these obstacles. Ten agree
on the number o cards your child can earn or managing his or
her behavior during the trip.
ake along the deck, so you can give immediate rewards especially
i your child is really young, or i behavior in public is a significant
hurdle.
For older children, the rewarding o cards can be on your return
home, i that method works or you. Remember, delayed gratifica-
tion can be quite challenging or children. Sometimes just receiv-
ing the card provides enough motivation to keep them going in a
Out and About
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positive direction.
In the ollowing chapters we give plenty o examples o how to use
the Awesome Deck in innovative ways, rom making up games
to reward systems. Feel ree to try out new techniques; mix and
match to discover what is best or your own Awesome Kids!
Our list is by no means all-encompassing. Te ways you can use
the Awesome cards are limited only by your creativity, imagina-
tion, and the needs o your amily. You know your children best
in terms o both their strengths and their stages o learning.
We encourage you to invent your own uses or the cards and to
share them with all o us on our website deckoAwesome.com