Transcript of Young Hearts: Re-connect group Jenny McKay & Lisa Farrelly 4th November, 2014.
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- Young Hearts: Re-connect group Jenny McKay & Lisa Farrelly
4th November, 2014
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- 2 Acknowledgement I acknowledge the Kaurna people as the
traditional owners of this land. I acknowledge their living culture
and unique role in the life of this region.
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- At the completion of this presentation, participants will: Be
aware of Young Hearts and its re-connect program Understand what
domestic violence is Understand the childs world Understand the
implications of family and domestic violence on parent-child
attachment Gain information on the attachment theory and the circle
of security Case study: working through the re-connect program The
aims and delivery format of the program Aims of presentation
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- Family and Domestic Violence (FDV)occurs in intimate partner or
family relationships Statistically, 1 in 3 families have
experienced family and domestic violence (Aust. Bureau of
statistics) Domestic violence is the single biggest cause of
homelessness for women in Australia The cost of domestic violence
in Australia in 2013 was estimated at $15 billion Although the
majority of abuse is perpetrated by men this is not always the case
For todays presentation, we will be focusing on the effects on
woman and children What is Family and Domestic Violence?
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- The forms of abuse against women often extend to the children
and are often witnessed by children Witnessing FDV is a form of
abuse, with short and long term consequences if there is no
intervention Historically FDV was considered by authorities as a
private matter, this is no longer the case and is now seen as a
crime What is Family and Domestic Violence?
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- For those involved in FDV, it is either: Too shameful to
discuss Too dangerous to discuss Too frightening to discuss
(nowhere to go) For some, not recognising they are in an abusive
relationship Culturally acceptable Most, including the children,
live with this hidden secret often masking it well What is Family
and Domestic Violence?
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- Physical hitting, shoving, punching, restraining, choking,
stabbing or any other form of physical harm Psychological threats,
intimidation, stand overs, jealousy/ possessiveness, accusations,
imagining things, using children, general mind games, killing pets
as a form of punishment Verbal/Emotional put downs (including
publicly), name calling, manipulation to get own way, guilt, blame,
fear of his anger outbursts, walking on eggshells, trying to please
at all costs for fear of reaction Forms of Family Domestic
Violence
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- Social isolation from friends and family, deprivation or
restriction of transport, deprivation of employment and leisure
activities Sexual forced or coerced sexual acts Economical
limitation or no access to bank accounts, constant accountability
of money spent or limited money given, making it difficult to
maintain employment Spiritual denying access to ceremonies, land or
family; preventing religious observance; forcing victims to do
things against their beliefs; using religious teachings or cultural
tradition as a reason for violence Forms of Family Domestic
Violence
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- Family and Domestic Violence
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- The child and mothers experience Safety issues for the child/
mother Effects on the mother/child and their relationship
Developmental and neurobiological effects, how this impacts on the
child and their behaviour Long and short term effects Understand
the child...Understand their world
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- Threats to wellbeing or life is a real issue to those exposed
to domestic violence The most dangerous time for women and
children: When the women leaves the relationship When the
perpetrator perceives any loss of his power and control Ongoing
safety checks with the mother and child is vital Safety Women and
Children
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- May have to leave the family home, school, pets, belongings and
job (current practice at DCP forces the mother to leave the home
with her children, not the perpetrator. Safe at home program)
Possible isolation from friends and family for the mother and
children Difficulty for the mother to establish her authority, very
passive parenting Emotional numbness, depression, physical
avoidance, attachment and bond between mother and child is often
not secure or non existent. Mother and child have to learn how to
be with one another Implications for Mother and Child
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- Anger and blame towards each other and self Child may have
little or no trust in the mother or her ability to protect them
Difficulty trusting anyone Implications for Mother and Child
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- Financial hardship Family court issues Trauma responses, eg:
mother triggered by childs anger and responds by attacking Grief
and loss Implications for Mother and Child
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- If the child feels safe once the mother has left the abusive
relationship, the feelings they couldn't express in the abusive
environment begin to surface, usually shows the worst behaviour to
whom they feel most safe with Mother can react to a child as if
they are the ex partner, ie. if they look/behave similar, can be
categorized as just like his/her father May still be living in fear
(threats, VROs) Feelings of shame and guilt by children and mother,
ie. child I should have stopped Dad hitting mum. Mother: I should
have left sooner and not put my kids through all this... Self
loathing Implications for Mother and Child
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- The number one predictor of a childs insecure attachment
relates to the parents unresolved grief or trauma. It is not
important what has happened to the parent, but what sense they have
made of it. Implications for Mother and Child
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- Attachment theory Attachment is an emotional bond to another
person, a lasting psychological connectedness between human beings.
Developed by John Bowlby in 1969. Individuals attachment style is
developed during childhood Influenced by the childs relationships
with primary caregivers Earliest bonds formed by children with
caregivers have a major impact that continues throughout life
influencing the way that individual related to others during their
lifespan. The success of the attachment bond depends on the
caregivers ability to understand and respond to the childs physical
and emotional needs
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- Attachment theory (continued) Characteristics of attachment
styles Secure attachment - is marked by distress when separated
from caregivers and are joy when the caregiver returns. These
children feel secure and able to depend on their adult caregivers.
When the adult leaves, the child may be upset but he or she feels
assured that the parent or caregiver will return. When frightened,
securely attached children will seek comfort from caregivers. These
children know their parent or caregiver will provide comfort and
reassurance, so they are comfortable seeking them out in times of
need. Ambivalent attachment - children usually become very
distressed when a parent leaves. Research suggests that ambivalent
attachment is a result of poor maternal availability. These
children cannot depend on their mother (or caregiver) to be there
when the child is in need.
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- Attachment theory (continued) Avoidant attachment - Children
with an avoidant attachment tend to avoid parents or caregivers.
When offered a choice, these children will show no preference
between a caregiver and a complete stranger. Research has suggested
that this attachment style might be a result of abusive or
neglectful caregivers. Children who are punished for relying on a
caregiver will learn to avoid seeking help in the future.
Disorganised attachment - Children with a disorganised attachment
often display a confusing mix of behaviour and may seem
disoriented, dazed, or confused. Children may both avoid or resist
the parent. Some researchers believe that the lack of a clear
attachment pattern is likely linked to inconsistent behaviour from
caregivers. In such cases, parents may serve as both a source of
comfort and a source of fear, leading to disorganised
behaviour.
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- Circle of security
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- Case study Jade is 11 years old and is an only child Jades dad
left when she was 2 year old and she now lives with her mother
fulltime and has not seen her father for 2 years Mum has a new
partner that works FIFO but he spends most of his time with Jade
and her mum when he is home. Jades mum was subjected to verbal,
emotional and physical violence from her husband for many years. He
hit her so hard across the head one day that she permanently lost
her hearing in one ear. Jades dad would not allow her mum to attend
to her when she cried and he held her down on occasions to keep her
away from Jade, allowing Jade to become distressed.
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- Case study (continued) Dad became violent towards Jade. Mum
gained the courage to keep her daughter safe and left the
relationship. Mum was brought up in a dysfunctional family and
states that her parents were not here for her emotionally. She was
never hugged nor had she heard the words I love you from them. Jade
was scared of staying with dad as he was still physically abusive
to her insisting that Jade give him information about her mum and
where they lived. He would pull her hair until she gave him the
information that he wanted. Mum insisted that Jade spend time with
her dad knowing that she was fearful. Jade began Young Hearts
counselling 2 years ago.
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- Case study (continued) Jade spoke of her fear of dad and how
mum was not there to help her and in fact put her in danger Mum was
described as not caring and Jade stated that mum was always on her
computer or with her partner and Jade was not getting any attention
from mum. Jade was not able to make strong friendships at school
and she was struggling academically. Jade and her mum were invited
to attend the 6 week Young Hearts reconnect group
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- Re-connect program 6 children and their non-offending parent 2
facilitators (counsellors) Outcomes sought: Week 1 Trust Week
2Touch and trust Week 3Touch and connection Week 4Communication
Week 5Consolidation Week 6Have fun with each other
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- Re-connect program for Jade & her mum Week 1 Trust
Icebreakers getting to know each of the group members Group setting
their own guidelines ensuring that trust is built around issues
such as confidentiality, respect for each other, safety, having fun
Balloon tennis Jade and her mum were opposite each other and their
gaze met during the game (Activity)
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- The re-connect program (continued) Figurine strengths Jade and
her mum chose animal figurines to depict the strengths they saw in
each other that helped them to get through the domestic violence.
(activity)
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- The re-connect program (continued) The lolly game each of them
encourages the other to gather as many lollies from a central bowl
when their number was called. Together they would share their
booty. Check out giving the group a word or phrase to describe how
the felt at that time
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- The re-connect program (continued) Week 2 Touch and trust
Reflection on changes during their week Guided relaxation
visualisation both were asked to close their eyes and listen and
respond to the relaxation activity Pin the tail on the donkey Jade
was blindfolded and mum had to lead her through and obstacle
course. Instructions were then given for Jade to find where to pin
the tail. The roles would then be reversed. Dot to dot Mum would
stand behind Jade who was blindfolded and hold her hand. She would
guide her hand through the dot to dot drawing. Jade needed to guage
her anxiety with mum standing behind her, being blindfolded and
lead by her mum. (activity)
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- The re-connect program (continued) Week 3 Touch and connection
Hand painting each were asked to place their hands on the canvas
though each other. They need to choose the shapes, colours, design
and paint it together.
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- The re-connect program (continued) Facial copying standing
opposite, looking at each other, coping the facial expression,
movement of eyes etc. Each takes turns. This required both to have
eye contact. Musical chairs The traditional game where a number of
competitive natures shone through. Mother and child would cheer and
encourage each other when they were out of the game
themselves.
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- The re-connect program (continued) Week 4 Communication
Treasure hunt Jade and her mum were given written cryptic clues
that they had to solve together and then find the hidden treasure.
Communication discussion Information was given on communication
styles. Jade joined the children and mum joined the other mums in
discussing how they felt their communication was with each other.
The facilitator wrote these onto butchers paper and then delivered
it back to the other group as a general overview when the group
came back together. Comments were kept anonymous. Feelings quoits
Each quoit game has five spikes that are named with a different
feeling. Jade and her mum took turns at throwing the quoit on and
discussing a time when they felt that way. This opened the path to
discuss certain events.
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- The re-connect program (continued) Lego building Mum and Jade
would sit back to back. Jade built a shape from selected lego
bricks and then described to mum how to build the same shape. This
helped them to develop skills in communicating instructions to each
other and gave Jade the skills of being able to tell mum what she
needed. They took turns in doing this.
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- The re-connect program (continued) Week 5 - Consolidation Three
legged soccer game inside legs are tied together, putting their arm
around each other they kick a ball around a relay path and kick the
ball into a pre-drawn goal. Pop stick game A pop stick is placed
between the Jade and her mum and she leads her mum around the room
communicating only with her body. Hangman Mum stood behind Jade who
was looking away from the hangman puzzle and was asked to write the
letters on Jades back that corresponded with the hangman puzzle.
Jade had to communicate what she felt had been written until the
puzzle was completed.
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- The re-connect program (continued) Lolly hockey Jade and mum
had flexi straws that were bent like hockey sticks. They placed an
M&M on the table and they had to hit it into a goal at the
other persons end of the table. When Jade made the goal, mum would
feed the M&M to her and visa versa. This was done also with
marshmallows.
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- The re-connect program (continued) Week 6 Fun with each other
10 pin bowling - Jade and mum were placed on the same team with
others in the group. This was a fun activity to finish off the
successful 6 week program.
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- Results Based Assessment (RBA) Use John Brieres trauma scale
Pre counselling level of trauma symptoms Post counselling decrease
in level of trauma symptoms Each RBA that has been completed has
shown a decrease in trauma symptoms
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- Question time!!
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