“You phoned my wife to ask her to do what?!?”

Taking a deeper look at traditional expectations of

pastoral couples.

What kinds of thoughts and words come to mind when we say

“pastor’s wife” and “expectations” in the same sentence?

Why serving together can be a positive thing:

• Theological Foundation• The Biblical Example• Realistic reasons: why many

congregations expect their pastor and wife to work together.

• Some of the practical advantages that come with serving together.

A story that goes back in time...

“But for Adam no suitable helper was found. So the Lord caused the man to fall into a deep sleep; and

while he was sleeping, he took one of the man’s ribs and closed up the

place with flesh. Then the Lord God made a woman from the rib he had taken out of man, and he brought

her to the man.” Gen 2:22

God created Eve to work with Adam.

“So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he

created him; male and female he created them. God blessed them and said to them, “Be fruitful and increase in number, fill the earth

and subdue it. Rule over the fish of the sea and the birds of the air and

over every living creature that moves on the ground.” Gen 1:27-28

Adam and Eve• A couple united in a

common purpose– Be fruitful and increase in

number,• A couple united in their

work.– fill the earth and subdue it.

Rule over the fish of the sea and the birds of the air and over every living creature that moves on

As Christians we are called to excel in those areas where God has called us to labour. As married couples we

are called to join together in our work.

1 Dan Allender and Tremper Longman III. Intimate Allies (Wheaton: Illinios: Tyndale, 1995) 113.

... a husband and wife who respect each other and value each other’s view of the world. They share together they plot their lives together, support each other in their common vision. Such a life strategy not

only doubles but also multiplies the couple’s effectiveness. 2

2 Dan Allender and Tremper Longman III. Intimate Allies (Wheaton: Illinios: Tyndale, 1995) 114.

Marriage is to be a Working Relationship

• home–inside –outside

• raising children• vehicles• vocation – career(not just romance)

The Biblical Example• “Don’t we all have the right to food and

drink. Don’t we have the right to take a believing wife along with us, as do the other apostles and the Lord’s brothers and Cephas.” 1 Cor 9:5

• “When Priscilla and Aquilla heard [Apollos], they invited him to their home and explained to him the way of God more adequately.” Acts 18:26

‘REALITY CHECK’Most expectations are rooted in

experience rather than conscious theological reflection.

My lens for life was shaped by growing up in a family that owned and ran a small business.

Our family life revolved around the business of farming.

A different paradigm for home and work.

• The small family business.– it is hard to separate a person from their work.–business and personal assets are combined.–business activities involve the home.– children are expected to work with their parents.– spouses are often both involved in making the

business successful.– family fortunes rise and fall with the success of

the business.

Our assumptions about life affect many things, including our

concept of marriage.

It was not if we would share a common purpose and vision.It was not if we would work

together...

... But it was what our vision, purpose, and work would be.

A place where our passions merged.

(Gwynne Community Church - Gwynne, AB)

‘His Story’

• Joining my dad as an usher.• Teaching Sunday school.• Early Church board experience.• Lay preaching.• Prayer meetings

(Ryan )

‘Her Story’

• The church where Jenneke’s Mom first went to Sunday School.

• Teaching Sunday School• Leading worship• Working with youth• Prayer meetings with seniors• Leading Vacation Bible Schools• Seniors’ visitation

The decision to go to Seminary wasn’t about a career for me.

Our decision to pursue ministry as a vocation was about a passion we

both shared.

Seeing the bright side of working together

Working Together Assumes...

• Freedom to work to each other’s strengths.

• That we are both respected in our roles.• We share the same vision and passion.• A positive, workable, and working

marriage.• Stage of life allows it.

Together Time.• A home office keeps us “in touch”

throughout the day.• My children are used to me being home in

the morning when they leave for school, and home when they come home.

• We’ve managed our schedule so that we don’t send our children out for care.

We Share the Joy of Success.• A great night at AWANA is a great night

for both of us.• A special Sunday service is something

that we both appreciate because we will have both contributed to it.

An Established Team

• We bring 14 years of working together as a team.–14 years of commitment to working

together –14 years developing our communication

skills• Our combined skill set almost doubles what

we can do.• A secure, reliable sounding board for our

ideas and thoughts.

Group Activity from Handout(Question #9)

What does YOUR spouse bring to your ministry?

Spouses collaborating is an efficient way to advance the kingdom of God.

• Two of us can serve on one good salary.• Fighting overhead by ministering as an

extension of our household.- The family van is the church van.

- Low childcare costs

We are an example to those we serve...

Collaborating sets an example for the people we serve how a disciplined

prudent lifestyle can free us to serve God.

Staff meetings are more fun when you’re married.

Spending Time with Your Spouse is One of the Best Ways to Stay Faithful.

• “a healthy marriage, including satisfying sex is a strong defense against immorality among ministers.” London and Wisemen,

• working together means that it is very difficult to have secrets, it’s our business to know each other’s business.

• my “open office policy” (or lack of walls) serves as a good accountability protocol.

Dividing Things on Gender Lines.

*Ladies Bible Study *Counselling* Confidant*

‘The Women’

‘The Men’A hard crowd to crack.

You can be a man and

have a faith.

Making it Work

• We need to cover for each other, and help carry each other’s load.

• We need to be willing to allow our children to define their involvement in the church.

Challenges to Work On• Competition between us for time and

resources. • Ministry intruding into our living space.• Remaining free to parent when required.• Ministering to those outside of our stage of

life. • Maintaining boundaries between family time

and ministry.

In it together...