Post on 18-Nov-2014
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WHO’S THE BOSS?Effective Parenting Strategies
Lack of Structure/Routine Lack of Consistency Using punishment instead of positive
reinforcement Fear Unrealistic expectations
Top Five Pitfalls in Parenting
These are NOT the same thing!
DISCIPLINE = TEACHING
DISCIPLINE vs. PUNISHMENT
SET FIRM, LOVING LIMITS USING ENFORCEABLE STATEMENTS
MEAN WHAT YOU SAY AND SAY WHAT YOU MEAN
SELF CONFIDENT, RESPECTFUL AND RESPONSIBLE YOUNG ADULTS
THE GOAL
IMPORTANT TO KNOW WHAT IS DEVELOPMENTALLY APPROPRIATE FOR YOUR CHILD
KNOW YOUR CHILD’S TEMPERMENT (SPIRITED, SENSITIVE, EASY, DIFFICULT)
MANAGING EXPECTATIONS
Recognize and reward good behavior
“Catch them being good”
What is your definition of good behavior?
POSITIVE PARENTING
BE NICE !
AVOID YELLING
AVOID INAPPROPRIATE LANGUAGE
BE MINDFUL THAT YOU ARE YOUR CHILD’S ROLE MODEL
RESPECT SHOULD BE A COMMON THEME
MODELING GOOD BEHAVIOR
Lack of Consistency… Between married parents Between divorced parents Between parents and other caregivers
BARRIERS TO GOOD BEHAVIOR
Avoid Meaningless Consequences
Following through is essential-mean what you say!
Use Natural Consequences
CONSEQUENCES /THREATS
DIFFERENT THAN THREATS
NOT DRIVEN BY ANGER
NATURAL CONSEQUENCES
PICK YOUR BATTLES!
Offer Choices when Reasonable BUT… Not Everything is Negotiable
Red Light, Yellow Light, and Green Light Behaviors
BASIC STRATEGIES
PLAYING NICELY (BY HIS/HER SELF OR WITH OTHERS)
SHARING
COOPERATING WITH REQUESTS
GREEN LIGHT BEHAVIORS
Annoying but Acceptable! Whining, Pouting, Clinging, Grabbing
Our Goal is to Modify These Behaviors
These are NOT Time-Out worthy. Save Time-Out for the Red Light Behaviors
YELLOW LIGHT BEHAVIORS
DISTRACTION – Great for younger children Swap the desired item for something more
acceptable Use Humor – always a great tool Sing a silly song Make up a game (clean up, bedtime)
YELLOW LIGHT STRATEGIES
Behaviors Which are NEVER Acceptable…
Safety IssuesRespect Issues
Family Rules
REQUIRES A TIME OUT OR CONSEQUENCE
RED LIGHT
Time In is a Positive Parenting Strategy
Uses tiny bits of play and encouragement when your child is behaving
Attention (smile, wink, thumbs up, brief
touches) Praise – praise the action Don’t go overboard Praise good tries
A steady stream of time-ins help prevent time-outs!
TIME IN vs. TIME OUT
HAND CHECKS -Visual way of rewarding good behavior -Use a washable marker and make a mark on the
back of your child’s hand when they do something good.
At bedtime, count the checks and recall what he/she did to earn each one
TIME IN
Star Charts
Play Outside play, when possible
Creative activities – art projects, pretend reading
TIME IN CONTINUED
KEEP IT SHORT (5-10 MINUTES) “Advertise” Kids get to choose the activity Watching TV is NOT Special Time Have a clear beginning and end Don’t punish your child by taking away special time Don’t do it right before bed
SPECIAL TIME
Adapted from Toddler 411 www.parents.com/toddlers-preschoolers/.../tips/toddler-discipline/
Anticipate conflict Transitions, tired, hungry Pick your battles Saying “no” too often becomes like background noise Don’t negotiate or make false promises Don’t yell, but DO change your tone
THE 20 COMMANDMENTS OF TODDLER DISCIPLINE
USE ONLY FOR RED LIGHT BEHAVIORS
ONE MINUTE PER YEAR OF AGE
USE SHORT EXPLANATIONS
USE A TIMER TO SIGNIFY THE END OF TIME OUT
TIME OUT
Common behavior strategy in previous generations
NOT RECOMMENDED AT ANY AGE Teaches children that hitting is acceptable Always used when parents are angry, and may lead to abuse It DOESN’T work Damages children’s and parent’s self esteem
SPANKING
Although children thrive on routine and consistency, they WILL be resistant to your
new parenting strategies
DON’T GIVE UP!!!!! It may take 20 trials of a new strategy before your child “gets it”
PRACTICE, PRACTICE, PRACTICE
SPEND SPECIAL TIME WITH YOUR CHILD
ENCOURAGE FAMILY FUN NIGHT
VACATIONS
FUN!!!
Use a variety of strategies to impact your child’s behavior
Not every technique works every time
Give yourself credit for the good parenting you do
HAVE FUN
SUMMARY
Parenting with Love and Logic by Foster Cline, MD and Jim Fay
Toddler 411 by Denise Fields and Ari Brown, MD
The Happiest Toddler on the Block by Harvey Karp, MD
Supernanny
ADDITIONAL RESOURCES
ILLINOIS MASONIC PARENTING CLASSES 773-296-7340
1,2,3 MAGIC: EFFECTIVE DISCIPLINE FOR CHILDREN 2-12. TW PHELAN, 2004
BECOMING THE PARENT YOU WANT TO BE L. DAVIS, BROADWAY BOOKS, 1997
ADDITIONAL RESOURCES
YOUR PEDIATRICIAN AT KIDS FIRST!!!!
WE ARE HAPPY TO DISCUSS YOUR CHILD’S BEHAVIOR CONCERNS
DEVELOPMENTAL PEDIATRICIAN REFERRAL, IF NECESSARY
ADDITIONAL RESOURCES
WWW.KIDSFIRSTPEDIATRICPARTNERS.COM