Post on 12-Jul-2020
Weird: Message Series Devotional
Week 5 – Weird: Marriage
Provided by South Ridge Church
Many times, our culture invites us to fit in with others. We’re to fit in with other religious beliefs, or other’s views on parenting or sexuality. But in all things, God calls us to be weird in good way. He calls us to stand out.
This week, take the opportunity each day to read about how God calls each of us to be weird (different in a good way.)
Weird: Marriage – Day 1 of 5
Michael: “Hey, what’s that you’re reading?”
Tanner: “Oh, my wife and I decided to read this book on marriage and then talk about it.”
Michael: “I don’t think I’ve ever seen you read anything.”
Tanner: “That’s because I don’t. This is probably the first book I’ve read in years.”
Michael: “So the wife made you do it, huh?” *laughs*
Tanner: “Not exactly. We had some friends at church recommend it, and we just thought we’d give it a try.”
Michael: “So…are you having any struggles in your marriage or anything?”
Tanner: “No. We’re doing quite well, really.”
Michael: “You’re doing well, but you’re still reading a book about it?”
Tanner: “Well…are you only supposed to read when you’re not doing well?”
Michael: “That’s not what I meant.”
Tanner: *looks blankly* “What did you mean, then?”
Michael: “Oh, never mind. So, what are you learning so far?”
Tanner: “Well, a lot really. I knew the Bible talked about marriage a lot. But the author is going into great detail about some of the words used when the Bible was written. For example, most of the Bible was written in Hebrew or Greek, and…”
Michael: “I knew that.”
Tanner: “OK, well. He’s going into detail about what some of the words used to describe marriage really meant.”
Michael: “Like what?”
Tanner: “Well, friendship would be an example. The Bible uses terms to describe marriage in the same way we would think of a best friend relationship.”
Michael: “Really? I mean, I’m no Bible scholar or anything. Not even close. But I don’t think I’ve ever heard that before.”
Tanner: “I hadn’t either. It’s quite fascinating really.”
Michael: “What else?”
Tanner: “Well, I’m only a couple of chapters in. But according to the Table of Contents, it’s going to go in detail about some other things as well. So after this section on friendship it’s
going into detail about love. Apparently, love can be defined as friendship, or service to one another, and of course, making love.”
Michael: “Time out. Are you saying that the Bible uses words to describe marriage as a best friend relationship but also highlights specific forms of love, like companionship or sex?”
Tanner: “I’m not saying that. But this book is saying that, yes.”
Michael: “When you get to those other chapters, can you give me the bullet points on them, too? Especially, ummmm…the sex chapter.”
Tanner: *laughing* “I can, I suppose. But here’s the thing. The introduction stated that each chapter is equally important. For example, I highlighted this section here. It says, ‘It’s impossible to have good friendship while maintaining a poor sex life. Likewise, it isn’t possible to have a great sex life if you’re not also focusing on your friendship. Marriage is holistic in nature. And each aspect of marriage is equally important.’”
Michael: “That makes sense to me. But what if one spouse is willing to work on everything holistically, but the other isn’t?”
Tanner: “Good question. I think that’s covered in the final chapter, ‘Serving the Hard-‐Hearted.’”
Michael: “That’s a rough title.”
Tanner: “Indeed.”
Michael: “Well, I’m intrigued. Not intrigued enough yet to read it myself. But still intrigued.”
Tanner: “I’ll let you know my thoughts when I’m done. Maybe we can catch up again in a couple of weeks to follow-‐up.”
Michael: “Sounds good. Oh, before we go…go Bucs!”
Tanner: “Yeah. Go Bucs!”
. . . . .
The Bible is old. Really, really old. The newest parts of it were written within years of Jesus’ death. The oldest parts of it were written when ancient Egypt was the supreme culture and influenced much of the world.
What does this mean, exactly? Well, it means that when we read the Bible, we have to understand it within the culture and context in which it was written. For example, when studying the subject of marriage, we need to look for how scripture passages on marriage were similar to as well as different from how others at that time viewed marriage. We need to understand that the Hebrew and Greek words used in the Bible often have a deeper meaning than our English translation.
Why is this helpful? It’s helpful because understanding the scriptures properly helps us to understand the Biblical principles, which then helps us to know how to best apply it in our lives. It helps us to make wiser decisions in all areas of life.
This week, we’ll be looking deeper into what the Scriptures say about marriage, and how God’s way is Weird compared to culture. But for now, take the opportunity to read the following passages and answer these questions:
Read: Proverbs 12:4; 18:22; Ephesians 5:21-‐33; Genesis 2:18-‐25
Questions to Consider:
• In just one sentence, write down a summary of what you think the Bible says about the subject of marriage.
• Timothy Keller has written that “…marriage, next to our relationship to God is the most profound relationship there is.” Do you agree with this statement? Why or why not?
• How would you currently rate your marriage on a scale of 1-‐10? Would your spouse agree?
• What is one thing you and your spouse can do together to strengthen your relationship? Will you allow others to keep you accountable to do it?
Additional Question for those not married:
• Why is having a proper understanding of marriage important to you? Write down at least three reasons.
Prayer:
Heavenly Father, we acknowledge at this time that our marriage is a gift from You. We confess that there have been times when we have taken opportunities to put our own individual desires ahead of Your desires for our relationship. We acknowledge that marriage isn’t easy, but we also acknowledge that the marriage relationship is a picture of the relationship that Jesus has with His church (Ephesians 5:21-‐32). We come to You at this time with the desire to keep You at the center of our marriage. We ask that You would lead, guide and protect every aspect of our marriage, from our friendship, to our parenting, to our finances and even our intimate lives. And we come to You with a desire to take opportunities throughout this week to reflect on how our marriage can be a better representation of the relationship you desire with each of us. We pray these things in Jesus’ name. Amen.
Weird: Marriage – Day 2 of 5
Within the Song of Songs, there is a simple verse that may easily be missed upon a first reading. It reads, “Catch all the foxes, those little foxes, before they ruin the vineyard of love, for the grapevines are blossoming!” (Song of Songs 2:15)
Within a vineyard, foxes can do tremendous damage. They dig holes and loosen the soil so that the roots of the vine will never become stable. Without strong roots, the vine will die. Foxes must be dealt with and dealt with strongly for the safety and protection of the vineyard.
Within the context of the Song of Songs, the vineyard symbolizes the love between a husband and a wife. As their marriage relationship begins to blossom, a small group of friends recognizes some foxes that have the potential to destroy the marriage. So they shout out in unison, “Catch all the foxes, those little foxes, before they ruin the vineyard of love.”
Read: 1 Peter 3
Questions to Consider:
• What are some of the most common foxes that have the potential to harm marriages today? List at least ten.
• What are some of the best ways to deal with these foxes in a Godly way?
• Do you think that husbands and wives may see potential dangers differently? How should a couple respond if one spouse sees some foxes as a serious concern, but the other believes they won’t cause serious problems long term?
• Do you see any foxes currently reeking havoc within the lives of other couples you know? How should you address these concerns with them?
• On your own: Discuss with your spouse – What are some potential foxes that are currently causing harm to our marriage? What can we do to root them out?
Additional Question for those not married:
• Do you see any foxes currently reeking havoc within the lives of other couples you know? How should you address these concerns with them?
Prayer:
Father in Heaven, thank you for revealing to us our selfishness. Please continue to show us areas where we can lovingly serve one another and fill us with a willingness to sacrifice for each other. Help us Lord Jesus to see each other through Your loving, merciful and forgiving eyes. Please continue to convict and reveal to us our spouse’s needs. Provide your enlightenment, Lord, to help us see our own flaws first. Thank you for your redemptive, restorative power Lord. We ask all this in Jesus name. Amen.
Weird: Marriage – Day 3 of 5
Many people in our culture today look at the Bible as being old fashioned or outdated. But sometimes, the deeper you look into the scriptures, the more you’ll see that it may not be as old fashioned as once thought.
For example, the Book of Proverbs was written in a time when marriage was seen as a business transaction between two families. A wife was often sold to a husband, and this transaction often benefited both families. The overall purpose of the marriage was to provide a foundation for social status and wealth.
But within the Proverbs, God uses a Hebrew word for spouse that was completely counter-‐cultural. In at least one passage, the term ‘allup is used. Today, this term may be best defined as “special confidant” or “best friend”.
Think about the implications of this for a minute. God doesn’t say that marriage is about wealth or social status. Nor does He say that marriage is about emotional happiness. Instead, He says that a husband and wife should question their compatibility mostly on the potential of their long-‐term friendship.
Read: Proverbs 17:17; 18:24; 25:17,20; 26:18,19; 27:5,6,9,14,17; 28:23; 29:5
Questions to Consider:
• Do you think that most couples today marry their best friend? Explain.
• What are some of the dangers of a couple marrying a romantic or sexual partner and not their best friend?
• What is the difference between marrying a friend, and marrying someone for emotional happiness?
• All people change over time. What can a couple do to keep their friendship strong even as each individual’s interests change over time?
• In what ways do you see your spouse as your best friend? In what ways can you and your spouse grow in your friendship?
Additional Question for those not married:
• How does thinking about marriage as friendship change the way you see other married couples?
Prayer:
Heavenly Father, we acknowledge at this time that we do change as time goes on. We understand that we are not the same people we were when we married, and that years from now we will not be the same people we are today. We know that we will change. Throughout these changes, we commit that we will continually keep our marriage relationship and our friendship as a tremendous priority in our lives. We pray that You will give us wisdom in how to do so, and we give each other permission to keep us accountable in this.
(For those married with children) We also acknowledge that it is sometimes easier to focus on being a parent than it is to focus on being a spouse. And we pray today that our relationship will be a reflection of the marriage we want our children to have and experience. That our marriage relationship will be of greater importance to us than our relationship with our children, or any other person.
Father, we don’t wish to simply maintain our marriage relationship, instead our desire is for our marriage to grow and mature to a level we never thought possible. And we ask that You will continue to guide and lead us with this in mind. We pray these things in Jesus’ name. Amen.
Weird: Marriage – Day 4 of 5
The Song of Songs is short book in the Old Testament with a lot of history. While nobody knows for certain the full meaning of the poem, it regularly describes the love between a husband and wife. Many scholars see that the Song of Songs shows specific elements of an ideal marriage, weaving love into every aspect of the relationship.
Throughout the poem, there are three different Hebrew words that translate to the English word, love. Two of those words are ra’yah, and dōd. On nine different occasions, the husband refers to his bride as his ra’yah – his close friend and companion. On thirty-‐one different occasions, the bride refers to her husband as her dōd – her passionate lover.
In other words, the husband and wife both speak positively about one another and their marriage. In fact, it’s more than positive, it’s language that ignites a fire in their marriage and keeps it burning strong.
Read: Song of Songs Chapters 1-‐4
Questions to Consider:
• Without looking at additional resources, how would you define the word, “love”?
• If somebody asked you, “What is the best way to stay ‘in love’ with your spouse,” how would you respond?
• What are some creative things you can do incorporate more love into your marriage?
• Wives: How would it make you feel if your husband regularly referred to you as his ra’yah? (i.e. If he referred to you as his darling, or closest friend and companion?)
• Husbands: How would it make you feel if your wife regularly referred to you as her dōd? (i.e. If she referred to you as her passionate lover?)
• Overall, what would be at least three benefits to speaking positively about your spouse to him/her as well as to others at all times?
Prayer:
This week, each of you should take the opportunity to write out your own prayer to God. Pray in such a way that your desire is for the holiness of your spouse, and how you can help them become a more godly person than they already are. Read your prayer to your spouse on your own sometime this week. If you have children, you may want to consider reading it in front of them as well. Give them the opportunity to see that marriage involves helping one another fall more deeply in love with God.
Weird: Marriage – Day 5 of 5
Ra’yah (friendship, companionship) and dōd (sexual love) are two different Hebrew words for love that are used throughout the Song of Songs. But there’s another Hebrew word that is prominent in the Song as well, and that is ahabah.
The Hebrew word ahabah may be best understood as service or commitment. Both the husband and the wife are committed to one another and their marriage more than they’re committed to themselves as individuals. Not only that, but they agree to serve one another in all circumstances for the betterment of their marriage.
Joseph and Linda Dillow, authors of “Intimacy Ignited,” write the following:
“… couples fuel ahabah love by responding to each other with a blessing when hurt, by putting the needs of the other first, and by committing to persevere through the hard times so that love is characterized by lifelong commitment. The Song has been building to this point (Song of Songs 8:6-‐7). Then an even more astonishing claim is made. This love, this ahabah, is given the highest appellation possible: Its “flashes” are the very “flame of the Lord.” What are these “flashes”? The flashes of ahabah include the sparks of sexual passion, but the intensity of the passion comes from the companionship, service, sacrifice, loyalty, and commitment the couple bestow on each other.”
“It takes all three types of love to keep the flame burning for a lifetime. The fire of sexual love (dod) will eventually burn out if not fueled by committed, servant love (ahabah). A marriage based on friendship love (rayah)— with no sexual love (dod)— will seem cool and passionless. But when all three fuel the flame, love builds and grows until it becomes an unquenchable bonfire.” – Intimacy Ignited, Dillow and Pintus – p.257
Read: Song of Songs Chapters 5-‐8
Questions to Consider:
• What are three ways you think men and women are different? • Given the differences between men and women, in what ways do these differences
make it hard for a husband and wife to serve one another? • Given the differences between men and women, in what ways do these differences
make it easy for a husband and wife to serve one another? • Practically speaking, what do you think ahabah love would look like in a marriage
today? • What steps can you and your spouse take to experience ahabah more regularly in
your marriage?
Prayer:
Heavenly Father, at this time we come to you seeking wisdom in how we can be more loving toward one another. We recognize that we sometimes see “love” as an emotional feeling and not as something we do for one another. But it is our desire to “be loving” toward one another. As your Word says, we wish to “submit to one another out of reverence for Christ,” and that by doing so we’re able to see one another for the person You have made us to be. We know that the relationship You desire to have with each of us is strong, and we pray that throughout this week our relationship with one another is reflective of Your relationship with us. We pray these things in Jesus’ name. Amen.