SHOW AND TELLSHOW AND TELL10/27-28/10

Writer’s NotebookWriter’s Notebook

““Say vs. Do”Say vs. Do”The true mark of someone’s The true mark of someone’s character is found not in the things character is found not in the things they say but in the things they do.they say but in the things they do.Agree or disagree? WHY?Agree or disagree? WHY?

Content: Revision

10/27/10

Show And Tell Strikes Show And Tell Strikes BackBack

Revenge of ShowRevenge of Show

How do these people feel?How do these people feel?

What about this guy?What about this guy?

How’s Smiley feeling?How’s Smiley feeling?

How’s her day going?How’s her day going?

Is Rudolph having a good Is Rudolph having a good day?day?

How do these two feel How do these two feel about each other?about each other?

And these two?And these two?

What about these guys?What about these guys?

How well is the computer How well is the computer working?working?

How do we know these How do we know these things?things?

““We can see them”We can see them”

They were SHOWN to us.They were SHOWN to us.

No one needed to TELL us.No one needed to TELL us.The pictures were able to SHOW us.The pictures were able to SHOW us.

Your WritingYour Writing

Your writing should be the Your writing should be the picturepicture..

Let your reader provide the response.Let your reader provide the response.

Show your readers a “narrative Show your readers a “narrative moment”moment”

Note: this is not about descriptive writing in terms of Note: this is not about descriptive writing in terms of visuals/sensory detailvisuals/sensory detail

The Key to SuccessThe Key to Success

ShowShow smoke smoke

Let the reader Let the reader inferinfer fire. fire.

FIRE!I'll never forget how I felt after Fido died. I was miserable.

Simply naming the feelings that you experienced (telling your reader what you felt) is not enough to create interest in the reader.

Adjectives are not enough.

More FIRE! If I live for a thousand years, I'll never forget how

utterly and terribly alone I felt after Fido died. I was so miserable that I thought I would die. Months and months went by, and it seemed that every little thing reminded me of him and made me wish things could be different. I don't know whether I am ever going to get over his death.

While the author has added details, those details merely assist the telling -- they don't actually give the reader a reason to love Fido, and to suffer along with the writer.

Smoke (i.e. SHOW) Whenever puppies in the pet store window distracted me from the serious business of taking him for his walk, Fido snarled fiercely and pulled mightily at his leash yet he always forgave me instantly. Over the past few years he lost his hearing and his sight, but when he felt the leash click on his collar and smelled fresh air, he still tried to caper. He's been dead for three months now. This morning I filled his water bowl all the way to the top --just the way he likes it -- before I remembered.

The author does not need to tell the reader "I loved Fido and I still haven't come to terms with his death," because the paragraph contains specific details that show the depths of the relationship.

Telling: Telling:

From the way she behaved in the From the way she behaved in the crowded restaurant, you could crowded restaurant, you could tell Sara was attracted to the tell Sara was attracted to the cute stranger in the black shirt.  cute stranger in the black shirt.  She tried a few things to get his She tried a few things to get his attention, and eventually she attention, and eventually she thought she succeeded.thought she succeeded.

(The author wastes no time providing the (The author wastes no time providing the information, but the story is very thin... information, but the story is very thin... nothing interesting seems to be nothing interesting seems to be happening.)happening.)

Showing:

Bored by the conversation, Sara tossed her hair and laughed. That stranger had been scanning the room, and he noticed her this time. Wait -- was that a half smile? Had he just put his hand on his heart? Or was he just brushing something off of his shirt? Sara smiled. That shirt looked soft.

“He's kind of cute," her roommate giggled.Sara casually looked away. "Oh, I don't

know," she said, twirling a curl. She let her eyes rest on the artwork, the flowers, a random face in the crowd, and found another excuse to laugh. Carefully turning her profile, she crossed her legs the way she and her girlfriends had practiced in middle school.  That ought to do it, she thought.

Tell

I was so thrilled that I beat the football captain in a chess game that I made a fool of myself. I'll never live that down.

This is straight telling -- we know that the protagonist makes a fool of himself, but we don't feel embarrassed for him, because we don't see any of this foolish behavior ourselves.  

Closer, but still Telling

My heart was pounding and my adrenaline was pumping. When I finally beat that big bully of a football captain in a chess game, I jumped around like an idiot, taunting him and laughing at him in front of the whole school. Arrogance and geekiness are not a combination that leads to social success.

While the author has added details, those details merely assist the telling -- they don't actually show anything important. We still don't get the chance to see the behavior and judge for ourselves whether it is foolish.

Good SHOW! My heart was pounding and my adrenaline was

pumping as I moved my knight and took Biff’s queen. I jumped up on my chair and raised my arms

victoriously. “Your bulging muscles are useless against my

superior intellect!” I laughed, as the vanquished football captain and the whole classroom stared. “I have captured your queen, and in two moves, I shall utterly destroy your king's little white plastic ass! Bwaaa ha ha hah!”

Suddenly, I remembered where I was. Who I was. I looked around at my classmates. Some mouths hung open. Various eyes were wide. Eyebrows raised. A few people cringed.

Then came the laughter. The completely over-the-top content of the quoted speech

communicates the protagonist's emotional state as well as his arrogance; the author does not have to come out and tell us that this behavior is idiotic, because there are enough details that we can come to that conclusion ourselves.

How Do I Know?How Do I Know?How Do I Show?How Do I Show?

Eliminate “be” verbs.Eliminate “be” verbs. Is, are, was, were, am, beIs, are, was, were, am, be

Think of the tell, then show without writing Think of the tell, then show without writing the tell.the tell. I was sad. -- Now write I was sad, without I was sad. -- Now write I was sad, without

using the word sad (and synonyms do not using the word sad (and synonyms do not count!)count!)

Yes, you will have to write moreYes, you will have to write more Man, that’s too much! Man, that’s too much! No, it’s just enough.No, it’s just enough.

Your ChallengeYour Challenge

““Personal Piece Revision”Personal Piece Revision”Look for a moment of emotion in Look for a moment of emotion in

your draft.your draft.IN YOUR WRITER’S NOTEBOOK:IN YOUR WRITER’S NOTEBOOK:

Write that basic emotion. (i.e. “I was Write that basic emotion. (i.e. “I was pissed).pissed).

Now Now SHOWSHOW us “I was…” without us “I was…” without using “I was…”using “I was…”This should be This should be at leastat least 5 sentences. 5 sentences.

Writer’s NotebookWriter’s Notebook

““Freebie”Freebie”

WriteWrite

Content: Free

10/28/10

Objective

Students will demonstrate depth of idea development with sufficient details by applying the “Show and Tell” concept to their personal piece.

Your ChallengeYour Challenge

““Personal Piece Revision”Personal Piece Revision”Look for a moment of emotion in Look for a moment of emotion in

your draft.your draft.IN YOUR WRITER’S NOTEBOOK:IN YOUR WRITER’S NOTEBOOK:

Write that basic emotion. (i.e. “I was Write that basic emotion. (i.e. “I was pissed).pissed).

Now Now SHOWSHOW us “I was…” without us “I was…” without using “I was…”using “I was…”This should be This should be at leastat least 5 sentences. 5 sentences.

SHARE!SHARE!Anyone brave enough to share with the Anyone brave enough to share with the

class?class?

Share with a partner. Let your partner Share with a partner. Let your partner critique your “show”.critique your “show”.

In the Writer’s In the Writer’s Writer’s NotebookWriter’s NotebookPartner, write a 4 sentence critique of Partner, write a 4 sentence critique of

your partner’s work.your partner’s work.

Your MissionYour Mission From your current draft…From your current draft…

Identify one moment to explode.Identify one moment to explode.Find an underdeveloped moment, then write it in Find an underdeveloped moment, then write it in

no fewer than two paragraphsno fewer than two paragraphs Identify tells that you can turn into shows.Identify tells that you can turn into shows.

Find statements that can be understood in a Find statements that can be understood in a narrative momentnarrative moment

Label those moments as “Tell”Label those moments as “Tell”Rewrite the moment.Rewrite the moment.

REMEMBER: REMEMBER: Show smoke, and let the Show smoke, and let the reader reader infer fire.infer fire.