Transcript of Self-Compassion · 2016-11-04 · Self-Compassion Managing Personal Loss in a Professional World...
Self-Compassion
Managing Personal Loss in a Professional World
Heather Stang, MA
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Turning into our pain is more skillful than avoidance As humans, we have no true ability to suppress unwanted thoughts and feelings. On the contrary, studies show that it makes them stronger. “Paradoxical Effects of Thought Suppression” Wegner (1987)
“Why is it so hard to extend the same kindness to ourselves that many of us gladly offer to others?”
(Germer, 2009)
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Germer, C. K. (2009). The mindful path to self-compassion: Freeing yourself from destructive thoughts and emotions. Guilford Press. Disenfranchise our own grief May need to work harder to make up for a lost paycheck Strong desire to help others Avoidance, Escape
Inquiry 1
• How Do You Treat Yourself When You Are Physically Wounded?
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Write it down.
Inquiry 2
• How Do You Treat Yourself When You Are Emotionally Wounded?
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Write it down.
Inquiry 3
• What Might You Choose To Do Differently If You Had Unlimited Time And Skills?
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Write it down.
“Compassion invites us to open our heart to everyone who experiences joy and loss, pleasure and pain, hope and despair. This includes ourselves.”
(Stang, 2014)
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Stang, H. (2014). Mindfulness and Grief: With guided meditations to calm the mind and restore the spirit. Ryland Peters & Small.
Suffering = Pain x Resistance
Shinzen Young (1994)
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Compassion = Being With Suffering Young, S. (1994). Purpose and method of Vipassana meditation. The humanistic psychologist, 22(1), 53.
• Higher Emotional Intelligence (Leary, Tate, et al., 2003)
• Emotional Coping Skills (Rockliff, Gilbert, et al. 2008)
• Reduces Avoidance In PTSD (Thompson, Waltz, 2008)
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Neff, K. D. (2009). Self-compassion. Handbook of individual differences in social behavior. Neff, K. D., Rude, S. S., & Kirkpatrick, K. L. (2007). An examination of self-compassion in relation to positive psychological functioning and personality traits. Journal of Research in Personality, 41(4), 908-916. Neff, K. D. (2003). The development and validation of a scale to measure self-compassion. Self and identity, 2(3), 223-250. Leary, M. R., Tate, E. B., Adams, C. E., Batts Allen, A., & Hancock, J. (2007). Self-compassion and reactions to unpleasant self-relevant events: the implications of treating oneself kindly. Journal of personality and social psychology, 92(5), 887. Rockliff, H., Gilbert, P., McEwan, K., Lightman, S., & Glover, D. (2008). A pilot exploration of heart rate variability and salivary cortisol responses to compassion-focused imagery. Clinical Neuropsychiatry, 5(3), 132-139. Thompson, B. L., & Waltz, J. (2008). Self‐compassion and PTSD symptom severity. Journal of traumatic stress, 21(6), 556-558.
Emotional Distress
• Adaptive: The first step towards Compassion• Maladaptive: A place we get stuck
– We Turn Away, Escape, Disconnect– Pathological Altruism, e.g. Enabling, Martyrdom
Clear Boundaries are the Key to a Truly
Compassionate Exchange
When a caregiver is faced with a personal loss, the balance between self and the care recipient can tip strongly in one
direction or the other.
Kelly McGonigal (2012)
Our Intention For Serving
Others Matters
If we are unable to access our heartfelt intention to serve others, it may be helpful to step away from direct service and tend to our
own needs before re-engaging with clients.
Heather & Bonnie Carroll,Founder of TAPS
Re c o g n i z e
a l l o w
in v e s t i g a t e
Non-identification
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RAIN: Four Steps To Manage Emotions Mindfully- When a difficult emotion arises on or off the cushion, RAIN allows you to decondition your response, and choose to respond mindfully rather than react mindlessly. Recognize - Acknowledge what you are feeling. What is happening inside me right now? Allowing (Acceptance) - Be willing to be present to your experience, no matter how unpleasant. Whatever you notice, let it be. (Tara Brach recommends noting “I consent” or “yes” or “this too”). Investigate - Unhook yourself from the object or story, so you can witness the emotion with kindness, and from an unbiased perspective. Mindfulness of body is a great technique here, as is asking yourself “what am I believing to be true?” Non-Identification - Recognize you are not this emotion or experience; it is just a temporary event arising. Watch it with an attitude of natural presence.
On The Spot
Reset[Breathing In] May I Be Free From This Suffering.
[Breathing Out] May We All Be Free From This Suffering.
May you be happy, as I wish to be happy.May you know peace,as I wish to know peace.May you be free from suffering,as I wish to be free from suffering.
Metta Meditation(Compassion & Lovingkindness)
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You can write your own words of well wishes – these are very simple words I like to use.