Race & Adoptiona comfortable conversation

Race & Adoptiona comfortable conversation

Judy StiggerJudy Stigger, LCSW, LCSWJstigger@cradle.orgJstigger@cradle.org

www.AdoptionLearningPartners.org

“I think my mother and father never saw us as different from themselves or others in our community. I think they thought if they loved us enough, other people wouldn’t see the difference either.”

White Privilege

Once They Hear My Name Lee, Lammert, Hess

A.J. (Amy Jo) Thomassensocial worker in St. Louis, MO

Alex Haley

“In all of us there is a hunger, marrow deep, to know our heritage, to know who we are and where we have come from. Without this enriching knowledge, there is a hollow yearning; no matter what our attainments in life, there is the most disquieting loneliness.”

Alex Haley, “Roots”

What we know about race & identity

Ages & stages

Challenges & advice Birth family Who’s in my tribe Multiracial families Evening news

Resources

AgendaAgenda

Black/African American

White/Caucasian

Hispanic/Latino

Asian

Other

Adopted

What We Know About Race

What We Know About Race

White / European Asian Hispanic / Latino Other? Black / African American

Adopted

Informational/Educational

Privacy Guarding

Humorous

Goal: to EQUIP and PROTECT

Responses

Kid useable responses Aiming the spotlight

If a child is asking:

Is your answer kid-friendly?

Other Considerations

Overt Prejudice Random Vicarious

Absent/Irrelevant Curiosity of

others Care

How We Learn

Lasts a Lifetime

Greatest sources of discrimination for whites were around adoption (not race) Extended Family (40%) Childhood Friends (28%) Childhood friend’s parents (24%)

Greatest sources of discrimination for kids of color were around race/ethnicity Stranger (80%) Classmates (75%) Childhood Friends (48%)

Sources of Discrimination

Importance of Adoptive Identity at Different Life Stages

Importance of Racial/Ethnic Identity at Different Life Stages

0

10

20

30

40

50

60

70

80

Not at all or Not very Much A little up to Very Much

As a Child

As an Adult

Community Characteristics (Diversity)

Level of community diversity experienced by TR adoptees as children, and where they chose to live as adults

0 20 40 60 80

RaceAdoption

Extremely or VeryComfortable

Somewhat Comfortable

SomewhatUncomfortable

Extremely or VeryUncomfortable

Comfort with Identity

3 – 6 years old

Issues: • How things work • Belonging• Same & Different

Facts: • What does my mom look like?• Why didn’t she keep me?

Feelings:• Curiosity: Want to know about self• Pain: Want to be just like mommy or daddy

Just like Mommy / Daddy

School Projects / Triggers

• Draw yourself

• Draw your family

• Bring a baby picture

• Stories about new siblings

One of these is not like the other

How Diverse is Child’s School?

Student body Teachers Holidays & Celebrations Images on walls & in

books Presentation of subject

matter

Carmen: People Like Me

Stigger_Knowing_Why_I_was_Given_Up_for_Adoption.mp4 - Shortcut.lnk

Windows & Mirrors

“Grandma Loves Me~”

Coherent Narrative Young Child

Once Upon a Time AVI - Shortcut.lnk

Questions

• What does my birth mom look like?• Why didn’t she keep me?• (Why didn’t she stop using drugs so she could keep

me?)• Why did you adopt me?• Where’s my birth dad?• Are my (siblings) okay? Do you know where they

are?• Am I going to grow up like my birth parents or my

foster/adoptive parents?• Why didn’t you send money so she could keep me?

7 – 10 years old Issues:

• Envision others beyond self• Play by rules

Facts: • Why didn’t she keep me?• What about my birth dad? • With what race do parents associate &

associate me?

Feelings:• Value Development: Adoptive vs. Birth Parents • Anger: I was not valued by BP

School Projects Triggers

National History Family Tree How family came to America Ethnic festival Drug awareness education Emerging learning issues

Proactive vs Blindsided

Guilt versus Shame29

Becky Carter, LCPC

FAIR FamiliesFairfamilies.org

Ethnic Fest

No one who looks like me is worth my parents’ friendship

Nobody who looks like meis worth my parents’ friendship

Multiracial Identity for everyone

11 – 14 years old

Issues: • Ethics • Nature vs. Nurture• Race/ethnicity as identity

Facts: • Was she correct to place me?• How am I like my B parent vs. my A parent

Feelings:• Observe & Compare: Who am I like?• Fear: What will I become? What groups will I fit in with?

School Projects / Triggers

• Family Tree• Career Day• Sex Education • Biology• World History • Accommodations

Whose my Tribe?

Racial identity Adoption identity Gender identity

Common interests Common abilities Shared resources Shared values

Identity: “Real Family”

Biological

Emotional Legal

Birthfamily: first person ethnicity

Society’s Labels vs Self-Identity

Black is Beautiful

White is Wonderful

I am Both

Multiracial for Generations to Come

How do we address “Ferguson”

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www.AdoptionLearningPartners.org

Spring 2015 Parenting Webinar Register Now at www.adoptionlearningpartners.org

Identity in Adoption: Mirrors and WindowsHave you ever wondered just how much nature vs. nurture will play a role in your adopted child’s identity formation? How will they balance these influences as they pull together their own understanding of who they are?

What can you do to help them?

Join moderator Leah Bloom, LMFT, as she leads our panel through a discussion about the intricacies of identity formation within an adopted individual.

Live WebinarThursday, May 7th, 20157:00pm CentralQ&A: 8:00pm

Questions and Answers