By Shafaq Shafi

Nakorn Payap International SchoolChaingmai Thailand

Programming for Special NeedsUniversity of Winnipeg-Asia

Graduate Program

“ I see, hear and believe what I want. We are a product of our education and how we have been raised”

Dr. Heinrich Hoffmann

“My cultural tale influences what I see, hear and believe.”

Cultural tales teach us to

focus on obedience

Kindness

Understanding

Personality

Curiosity

Inspiration

Respect

Empathy

Cooperation

independence

It is easy to include the smart, powerfuland beautiful; it is quite another thing toinclude those outside our circles

Flight KidRegressive disengaged

cry

Connecting to the flight kid

•Tell them you care

•Ask, “how are you doing?”

•Think about connection after the fact, after lunchtime, school, recess

•Persistent-come back again and talk again

•Give a task-redirect

•Pre-teach- there are safe places you can go to.

Fight KidUses Physical violence to express emotion.

Aggressive

Making Connections

•Say you have the right to show anger

•Acknowledge the anger

•Try to remove the audience

•Refrain from judging. Get rid of self talk.

•Do not talk about the solution right away.

Fool kidpassive aggressive

ways/argue/confront/use sarcasm

Connections

• Honor his/her ability

• Acknowledge and move on. Don’t take the hook. “Never let

them see you sweat”

• Engage in the banter

• Hear them out

• Praise, add humor, show kindness, give away some

power

There is more going on than that meets the eye

Empower the kid in the process

Become a spark in the child’s eye

Be genuine and true

Be kind and caring

Set up a classroom where emotions are validated

Deviance and Deficit Psychology

Deviant Delinquent DisobedienceDisordered Deranged

Dysfunctional

Disrespectful Demonic DisabledDisturbed

Defective Destructive DiseasedDepressed

Disruptive Deprived

Strength based Psychology

Autonomy AchievementAltruism

Cooperation Self control Responsible

Respectful Resiliency Empathetic

Trust Friendships

Assertive problem solver Creative leader

Emotional intelligence

knowing one’s emotions, self awareness, recognize a feeling as it happens

Being able to motivate one self

Being able to manage emotions

Being able to recognize emotions in others-empathy

Being able to create healthy relationships

Difference in Psychological Worlds

Helping Humans Hurting Humans

Perceiving Diverse Multidimensional

ConcreteOne dimensional

Thinking Logical Cognitively based

Illogical OmnipotentIrrational traps

Feeling Accepts and applies controls

FloodedExplosive

Behaving Accepts Responsibility for behavior

Hides or hurlsResponsibility at others

Stress in Children’s LivesUnderstand the feelings/reasons behind

inappropriate behavior

• Developmental

• Psychological

• Reality

• Physical

Emotional Defenses• Denial-didn’t happen

• Regression-going back to asafer place

• Conversion-turn psychologicalstress into a physical stress

• Rationalization-talk yourselfout of it

• Displacement-displacing yourstress on others

• Projection-take your stress andproblems and give them tosomeone else

All behavior comes out of feelings/thoughts

React rather than respond

Conflict CyclePower Struggle or Emotional Reaction Cycle

A stressful situation

occurs

Creates feeling affected by the child’s sense of

self

Coping/negative behavior: lying, cheating, hitting, swearing, rationalizing

Creates stress in an

adult

Adults begin to mirror the child’s feelings: demanding, scolding, yelling, swearing

Creates additional stress for the child

Cycle begins again but increases in intensity

Breaking the conflict cycle• Know that adults should take

responsibility to disengage• Be in touch with your own feelings• Understand how a child’s behavior

can be mirrored• Verbalize messages using “I”

instead of “You”• Understand the feelings / reasons

behind inappropriate behavior• Be aware of the emotional

defenses humans use• Know the child and know yourself• Don’t be afraid to ask for help• Feelings are OK when you have

them. Don’t be had by them

Why Humans become Counter AggressiveCaught in the conflict cycle

40%

Violation of cherished hopes

and beliefs

25%

Being in a bad mood

10%

Exposing our finished business

10%

Not meeting professional expectations

5%

Feeling of helplessness

5%

Prejudging a troubled student

5%

Nick Long and Life Space Intervention

Be in touch with your own feelings Emotional Intelligence

• Knowing one’s emotion, self awareness, recognizing a feeling as it happens

• Being able to recognize emotions in others; empathy

• Being able to create healthy relationships

• Being able to motivates one’s self

• Ability to manage our emotions

Verbalize messages using “I” instead of “You”

Use “I” messages instead of “you” messages“I feel … when you… because...”

The question is not what is wrong with you? It is what has happened to you or what has happened to your

brain?

The brain is built for 3 tasks

• Reacting

• Valuing

• Thinking( takes longest to develop)

Repetition is a way ofeffective learning

Brain• Largest & complex organ

• 100 billion nerves, trillions of connections –synapses

• Outer most layer-cortex-thinking & voluntarymovements

• Brain stem between the spinal cord & the rest part ofthe brain. Breathing & sleep controlled here.

• Cerebellum –base & back of the brain-coordination &balance

• Frontal lobe-problem solving & motor function

• Parietal lobes-sensation, handwriting & body position

The brain is also divided into several lobes:• The frontal lobes are responsible for problem solvingand judgment and motor function.• The temporal lobes- memory and hearing.• The occipital lobes - visual processing system.

• Meninges- surrounding layer of tissue

• The skull (cranium) protects the brain from injury.

Understanding the Brain and Intelligence

• Fluid intelligence is the ability to solve new problems. Itemploys short term memory and focused attention

• Crystallized intelligence grows with wisdom gainedover a lifetime

• Learning involves connections in networks of neurons• Hippocampus: a piece in our brain that sorts important

information• Teen brains crave novelty and excitement. Without

mature mentors, they become prisoners addicted tohigh risk pleasure (Raymond Cattell 1987)

• Neuroplasticity is the brains ability to change whenfaced with new problems

Trauma

The moment someone sees an emotionexpressed on your face, they will at once sensethat on themselves

Three Pillars of Trauma Informed Care

• Safety• Connections – relationships

• Self regulation – teaching skills to control anger

• Ad

Co-regulation Coercive regulation

Goal- help the child to calm Goal -stop bad behavior

Soothing and assertive tone Loud and aggressive tone

Absorb the child’s outburst Retaliate to child’s outbursts

Focus on child’s feelings Focus on the child’s behavior

Attention to the child’s need Ignore the child’s needs

Adult is aware of own feelings Adult is oblivious to own feelings

The only person you can control…the only

person you can truly motivate is yourselfDiscipline Punishment

Proactive reactive

Natural consequences Arbitrary, adult consequences imposed

Social responsibility taught Obedience to authority figures

Control through inner values

Control by external rule & threat

Psychological & physical punishment is not used

Psychological & physicalpunishment is used

Fair doesn’t mean you treat everybody equally. Fair means getting everybody’s needs met

Sandwich Scripts

• Enclosing a criticism between two positive comments

• Positive Comment: “You take very good

• care of your things.”• Constructive criticism: “ Perhaps you• could be more organized before class• so you do not have to get up out of• your chair so many times during

class.”• Positive Comment: “ You are such a

quick learner, I could teach you how to do this in no time.”

What do children & youth need to become good people and live a good life

love understanding

The A. Maslow Model

Self actualization Self respect

Safety & securityPhysiological

needs

Belonging/affection

A. Maslow wrote about a ‘peak experience” an event that happens in your life where you have an overwhelming sense of the rightness of something, it is not a planned experience.

The William Glaser Model

Love

Fun

Safety

Freedom

power

Stanley Coppersmith Model

The Antecedents of Self-Esteem

Significance

Competence

Power

virtue

Developmental assets from the search institute - resiliency

External assets

• Support: family, positive communication, other adult relationships, caring neighborhood, caring school climate, parental involvement in school

• Empowerment: community values youth, youth resources, service to others, safety

• Boundaries and expectations

• Constructive use of time

Internal assets• Commitment to learning• Positive values• Positive identity• Social competencies: Planning and

decision making; young person knows how to plan ahead and make choices.Interpersonal competence; young person has empathy, sensitivity and friendship skills. Cultural competence.Resistance skills; young person can resist negative peer pressure and dangerous situations.Peaceful conflict resolution; young person seeks to resolve conflict nonviolently

Bonnie BernardSteve & Sybil Wolin

EmpowermentCommunity values youth

youth resources

Service to others

Safety

Try not to become a man of success but a man of value. – Albert Einstein

Five elements necessary for the ultimate human goal of well being

(Martin Seligman)

• Positive emotion: happiness and life satisfaction

• Positive relationships: other people are important

• Meaning: serving something more than yourself

• Accomplishment: achievement

• Engagement: were you completely absorbed in the task?

Talk first about the good things & then talk about the concerns

The Circle of Courage

belonging

masteryindependence

generosity

Values: Circle of Courage

• Attachment or belonging – Relationships (we don’t heal separated from others)

• Achievement or mastery – “I can… (improve, figure things out for myself)”

• Altruism or generosity – Give back (the ability to do good things)

• Autonym or independence – Empower

Suggestions why children misbehave

• Relationship problems (belonging): alienation

• Feelings of inadequacy (mastery): failure

• Loss/lack of power (independence): helplessness

• Problems with purpose (generosity): selfishness

Belonging

• Attachment

• Friendship

• Intimacy

• Co-operation

• Trust

Allegiance is not the same as belonging

When belonging is absent or distorted

Relationship problems

Gang involvement

Promiscuity

Withdrawn

Alienated

Rejected

Mastery

Achievement

Successful

Problem solver

Creative

Resilient

motivated

• Nicholas Hobbs-we learn best at the edge of success and failure

• Mary Pipher-school failure hurts self esteem

• Praise not the product but the effort

When mastery is absent or distorted:

• Feel stupid, avoid risks,failure oriented, learnedhelplessness, boredom,learning passionignored, gives up easily

• Labeling: lazy, attitudeproblem, doesn’t workto potential

• School failure hurts selfesteem

• Cheating

Independence• Responsible

• Self control

• Autonomy

• Assertiveness

• Leadership

You can’t teach children real responsibility until you give them real

responsibility

When independence is absent ordistorted

• Rebellious

• Manipulative

• Reckless

• Lacks confidence

• Easily misled

• Irresponsible

Generosity• Altruism

• Caring

• Compassionate

• Unselfish

• Empathetic

When generosity is absent or distorted

• Narcissistic

• Psychopathic

• Anti social

• Overindulgent

• Self helping

Managing Behavior• Planned ignoring: not paying attention to things that don’t

matter• Proximity control: move into the child’s space in respectful

ways• Signal inference: cue the child• Redirection: find something new to focus on• Support from routine: security in routine• Support from restructuring: motivation through creative

effort• Direct appeal to values: state the value; ask the child for co-

operation• Support through humor: laughter is good medicine

(From Life Space Crisis Intervention, Nick Long and others)

values don’t happen they have to be

taught