Murphy’s Laws of Law Enforcement

Your squad car will only break down when

you happen to be outside of your beat.

Murphy’s Laws of Law Enforcement

The ease of service of any search warrant varies

directly with the likelihood that you are in

the wrong house.

Murphy’s Laws of Law Enforcement

Waterproof boots aren't.

Murphy’s Laws of Law Enforcement

Freebies will arrive at the station only on your day off.

Murphy’s Laws of Law Enforcement

The coffee machine breaks down only on

graveyard shift.

Murphy’s Laws of Law Enforcement

Court will be scheduled in the

middle of your days off.

Murphy’s Laws of Law Enforcement

Pens never leak onto old uniform

shirts.

Murphy’s Laws of Law Enforcement

Hot calls will only come over the air 10 minutes before the

end of shift.

Murphy’s Laws of Law Enforcement

New uniform shirts and ties attract

gravy and ketchup.

Murphy’s Laws of Law Enforcement

Perfect 10s show up to talk only when

you're busy.

Murphy’s Laws of Law Enforcement

You will find a “Police Discount”

one day before payday.

Murphy’s Laws of Law Enforcement

Bulletproof vests might be.

Murphy’s Laws of Law Enforcement

Shatterproof flashlights seldom

are.

Murphy’s Laws of Law Enforcement

The experience of your Assistant District Attorney is inversely proportional to the importance of your case

he is prosecuting.

Murphy’s Laws of Law Enforcement

On any day that you are filmed by a news crew, you will forget

your hat.

Murphy’s Laws of Law Enforcement

You never get the urge to use the bathroom

until after you have left the station.

Murphy’s Laws of Law Enforcement

You will remain in perfect health until

your days off.

Murphy’s Laws of Law Enforcement

Your portable radio will never fail until

you are involved in a foot pursuit.

Murphy’s Laws of Law Enforcement

Surprise inspections occur only after a

foot pursuit through the slough.

Murphy’s Laws of Law Enforcement

Glow-in-the-dark gun sights are just as visible to crooks hiding behind you as they are to you.

Murphy’s Laws of Law Enforcement

Vehicle pursuits always progress from areas of

low traffic density to areas of high traffic

density.

Murphy’s Laws of Law Enforcement

The Mayor will get a parking ticket only when

it is time to negotiate police salary increases.

Murphy’s Laws of Law Enforcement

Your only pen will run out of ink exactly at the

moment you decide to write traffic violators.

Murphy’s Laws of Law Enforcement

No patrol car assigned to you will be clean or have a full tank of gas.

Murphy’s Laws of Law Enforcement

Zippered boots break only when there are

less than three minutes until roll call.

Murphy’s Laws of Law Enforcement

White socks make boot zippers break.

Murphy’s Laws of Law Enforcement

NCIC will be down any time you see a

car listed on the hot sheet.

Murphy’s Laws of Law Enforcement

Coffee jitters will never plague you

until firearms qualification day.

Murphy’s Laws of Law Enforcement

Old squad cars never die - they just

smell that way.

Murphy’s Laws of Law Enforcement

Flashlight batteries never die in daylight

hours.

Murphy’s Laws of Law Enforcement

You will never get a bomb call until the squad is away on a training exercise.

Murphy’s Laws of Law Enforcement

The only time John Q. Public

wants a friendly chat is when you sit

down to eat.

Murphy’s Laws of Law Enforcement

Your mouthiest traffic violator of the day will be related to

the Sheriff.

Murphy’s Laws of Law Enforcement

Word processors only delete reports

that are nearly finished.

Murphy’s Laws of Law Enforcement

You will score no higher than fourth on a three-vacancy promotional exam.

Murphy’s Laws of Law Enforcement

Your bulletproof vest was supplied

by the lowest bidder.

Murphy’s Laws of Law Enforcement

You will receive a subpoena in a major felony case for

the first day of your paid-for, non-refundable vacation.

Murphy’s Laws of Law Enforcement

If the crooks are within pistol range,

so are you.

Murphy’s Laws of Law Enforcement

The bigger they are, the harder they fall. Also the

harder they punch, kick, and choke.

Murphy’s Laws of Law Enforcement

The speed at which you respond to a fight in progress is inversely

proportional to how long you have been a cop.

Murphy’s Laws of Law Enforcement

If you know someone who tortures small animals and wets the bed, he is either a serial rapist or he works in

Internal Affairs.

Murphy’s Laws of Law Enforcement

Placing a gun back in a shoulder holster with your

finger on the trigger will produce a semi-permanent

limp.

Murphy’s Laws of Law Enforcement

In a physical confrontation involving more than one officer, any police impact weapon used will strike

more cops than bad guys.

Murphy’s Laws of Law Enforcement

Any citizen observing an approaching police vehicle

with emergency lights showing will immediately pull into the

traffic lane needed by the officer.

Murphy’s Laws of Law Enforcement

Never search a dark warehouse with an officer

whose nickname is “Boom-Boom.”

Murphy’s Laws of Law Enforcement

Every citizen, upon learning that you are a cop, will tell you a traffic stop story that he is certain you have never

heard before.

Murphy’s Laws of Law Enforcement

Do unto others, but do it first.

Murphy’s Laws of Law Enforcement

Eat Right.Exercise Often.Die Anyway.