Post on 28-Nov-2014
description
Moving ForwardMoving Forward
Encouraging & Achieving Positive Change in Myself and Others
God Creates and Recreates through Stages of Growth
1. All things pass through a process in time to grow and to improve
2. When we want to change ourselves, we face two needs:• To grow in knowledge, skills and maturity of attitude• To tear down and replace the patterns we have already
established, and reverse the mistakes we have made
Personal Change Occurs in Stages, Not in One Step
Change is a process, not a single event The process of change always follows certain
stages We move through each stage at our own pace
and may get stuck in one stage Each stage involves different tasks and
challenges, and requires certain strategies No long-lasting change can be forced on us
from outside
6 Stages of Change
1. Pre-Contemplation “I don’t want to
change”
2. Contemplation “Maybe I should
change”
3. Preparation “I’m getting ready to
change”
4. Action “I’m changing”
5. Maintenance “I’ve changed”
6a. Termination
6b. Lapse “I made a mistake”
6c. Relapse “I can’t change”
Cycle of Change
1.Pre-
Contemplation
3.Preparation
4.Action
5.Maintenance
2.Contemplation
6b. Lapse6c.Relapse
6a. Termination
Overview of the Stages of Change
Stage 1: Pre-Contemplation of Change
“I’m OK--I don’t need to change”
“I can’t change” “So I do that—
what’s the big deal?”
Not thinking about change Little or no awareness of a
problem Or too discouraged to change
any time soon Complacent and defensive No interest in help Defends our actions
Common Defenses in this Stage
1. Denial Or making the problem
small “I get into a little trouble
with my bills sometimes”
2. Rationalizing Excusing the problem “It relaxes me”
3. Blaming Scapegoating
or putting the problem on others
“I wouldn’t do this if you were nicer to me”
What Moves Us Forward in Stage 1
A rude awakening To overcome the
unawareness or fear of change
Noticing the negative results of our habit
When the pain of not changing seems to outweigh the pain of changing
1. External pressures Family needs Work needs The law Health needs
2. Internal pressures
Maturation
Fatigue or discomfort
Fear
Guilt
Feeling trapped
Stage 2: Contemplation of Change
Thinking about change
Aware of bad results of our actions
Conflicted, unsettled, undecided
Weighs the upside and downside of changing
“There may be a problem”
“I’m not sure I want to
change, at least not yet”
“I guess I should do
something because if I
don’t…”
“Sometimes it’s bad but I can
handle it”
“I want to change but I’m
scared”
What Moves Us Forward in Stage 2
Fight discomfort to learn more about your habit, from authorities and from people who know you
Notice the real consequences of your habit for yourself and others
Use your imagination and books and movies to feel the real future costs of not changing
Deciding about Change
Don’t Want to Change What do I like about the
way things are now? What are the good points
about the present situation, for me and others?
Want to Change What don’t I like about
the way things are now? What are the bad points
about the present situation, for me and others?
Stage 3: Preparation to Change
Motivated, committed and making plans
“I want to change and I am thinking about how to do it”
New focus on the solution more than the problem
Plans for change within the next month or so
Gathers information, advice and support
Freely admits how bad the problem is
Builds up momentum and confidence
Takes small steps now toward change
Planning & Preparation Is Needed for Successful Change
“What can I do? How can I change?” “What do I need to help me change and keep it
going?” “What information do I need? What skills?” “Where can I get training?” “Who can support me?” “What obstacles would I face? How would I cope
with them? “What do I work on first? Second? Third?”
What Moves Us Forward in Stage 3
1. Make SMART goals:
specific, measurable,
action-oriented, realistic,
time-based
2. Expect uncertainty;
call it an “experiment”
3. Don’t procrastinate;
there is no perfect time
or perfect plan, and you
don’t have to know
everything
4. Review past successes
5. Set a date and write down small steps to take action
5. Tell others to help boost your motivation
6. Make backup plans for bad days
7. Expect your life to be unbalanced at first
8. Focus on a better future, not the problem
Stage 4: Action to Change
Actively changing “I’m making the effort
to change” “This is hard but it’s
getting better” “It feels good” Focused, optimistic
enthusiastic
Try new actions, skills and attitudes
Adjust your environment Deal with discomfort and
resistance within yourself and from other people
Keep motivated through short-term rewards
Overcome obstacles one day at a time
What Moves Us Forward in Stage 4
1. Remind yourself of the long term benefits and any present rewards, to offset the sacrifices
2. Keep your goals a priority
3. Replace old habits with healthy new practices to meet your needs better
4. Use reminders and cues to remember the actions you want
5. Measure your results6. Replace irrational
thinking with affirmations and more reasonable thoughts
7. Meet your needs for support—and help someone else
8. Mentally rehearse or role play the successful handling of difficult or tempting situations
Stage 5: Maintenance of Change
Sustaining the change “I’m living in a new
way.” “I have to keep working
at this” “I can’t give up after all
my progress” The change is no
longer a major focus Confident, proud,
steady
Apply new skills and attitudes in shifting circumstances
Anticipate and avoid temptations
Celebrate progress and enjoy gains
Keep the change going for at least six months until it becomes permanent
What Moves Us Forward in Stage 5
1. Reach out to help others with the same problem
2. Vary routines to keep it interesting
3. Devise effective refusal skills to handle social pressure
4. Adjust your lifestyle to help sustain this change
5. Keep learning new information and skills
6. Be careful about letting your guard down
7. Put helpers on call
8. Expect lapses and prepare to recover from them
Stage 6a: Termination of Change
“I don’t even think about it anymore”
The new habit is now second nature
Beyond temptation to return to old behaviors
May not be possible for certain tendencies
Complacency and declaring victory too soon can lead to a lapse or relapse
Stage 6b. Lapse from Change
Single step backwards into old habits
One mistake, caught before it was repeated
To be expected, especially when stressed
“I slipped but I am getting back on track”
The challenge is to return to the change and not get discouraged
Process goes back to Stage 4 and 5, Action and Maintenance
Stage 6c. Relapse from Change
Mistake repeated over and over
“I can’t change—it’s too hard”
Giving up and surrendering to the old habits
Process goes back to Stage 1 or 2, Pre-Contemplation or Contemplation
Momentum is lost Feeling guilty, defeated,
hopeless Motivation must be
revived and the decision to change made over again
What Helps Us Keep a Lapse from Turning into a Relapse
1. Plan in advance how to respond to a mistake
Give yourself a penalty Report to an
accountability ally right afterwards
Allow a friend to take action to help you get back on track
2. Study each mistake to learn how to prevent another one
Use a lapse to get smarter and stronger
Cycle of Change
1.Pre-
Contemplation
3.Preparation
4.Action
5.Maintenance
2.Contemplation
6b. Lapse6c.Relapse
6a. Termination
Helping in Each Stage of Change
When Are the Best Times to Help Someone Change?
1. Pre-Contemplation• “I don’t want to change”
2. Contemplation• “Maybe I should change”
3. Preparation• “I’m getting ready to
change”
4. Action• “I’m changing”
5. Maintenance• “I’ve changed”
6. Termination
6b. Lapse • “I made a mistake”
6c. Relapse• “I can’t change”
Always Respect Personal Responsibility & Autonomy
Don’t try to talk someone into change before they are readyThey can spend all their energy defending why they can’t or won’t changeThe negative attitudes and beliefs get more entrenchedThey forget their own doubts about their habitThey see your attack on their autonomy as the problem instead of the real problem
Wrong questions: “Why don’t you want
to change?” “How can you say
you don’t have a problem?”
“Why can’t you just…?”
This only leads to defending their actions
Help Them Find & StrengthenTheir Own Motivation to Change
1. They are empowered only by their own conclusions
Others’ views are irrelevant until they want to change
2. Listen to highlight their own reasons to do something differently
3. Help them clarify: Disadvantages of the
present situation Advantages of change Optimism for change Intention to change
Helping in Stage 1: “I Don’t Want to Change” I
Encourage them to move towards considering a change— gently, if possible
1. Don’t nag They’ll view you as the
problem They’ll tune you out Actions are usually
better than words
2. Don’t criticize Trying to make
someone want to please you by insulting them does not work
3. Don’t enable Don’t soften the
damage that their problem brings to them
Helping in Stage 1: “I Don’t Want to Change” II
Request a change without being judgmental or demanding
Rather than telling them what to do, tell them what you will do in response to unwanted behavior
1. Ask for the change you want “Please speak to me
respectfully”
2. Explain what is unacceptable “Do not call me insulting names”
3. Declare what you will do if it persists
“I will leave the room.”
4. Reaffirm your respect for their autonomy
“You are free to do what you like but I will not listen to disrespect.”
Helping in Stage 1: “I Don’t Want to Change” II
1. Express empathy Show you
understand their view without criticism or judgment
Reflect back their mixed feelings of both liking and disliking the habit
But don’t try to “fix” their problem.
2. Highlight differences between desires and results
Help them explore the gap between what they say they want and what they see they are getting
Don’t point it out; support their own observations
Bring out their own motivation to change, not yours
Helping in Stage 1: “I Don’t Want to Change” III
3. Roll with resistance Expect resistance Change tactics; avoid
direct opposition Ask permission to share a
different view Don’t argue and cause
them to defend why they don’t want to change
Don’t alienate yourself from them
4. Support self- effectiveness
Affirm they are responsible for change
Express confidence that they can change if they ever decide to try
Let them take the lead in finding solutions
Show unconditional love so it is safe to fail
Helping in Stage 2: “Maybe I Should Change”
1. Tell them you know that they are in charge of deciding if and when they change
2. Acknowledge that they are only considering it and not ready yet
3. Help them clarify their views on the pros and cons of change
4. Acknowledge their mixed feelings about changing
5. Convey, “I will love you no matter what”
6. Offer information
7. Give observations rather than confrontations
8. Reassure them that the next step would be preparation, not action
Helping in Stage 3: “I’m Getting Ready to Change”
1. Offer information and suggestions as much as they seem receptive
2. Tell them you’re proud of them for making the change
3. Offer to help if they look overwhelmed
4. Relieve anxiety by reminding them you will appreciate their courage even if all does not go well
5. Let them know you’d celebrate even a small change
Helping in Stage 4: “I’m Changing”
1. Offer ongoing praise and other rewards for their effort
2. Make it easier by joining them in some of their changes or at least removing temptations
3. Follow their lead to control their environment
4. Don’t nag, preach, scold or embarrass them unless you have permission
5. Forgive them for being irritable or other faults during this stressful time
Helping in Stage 5: “I’ve Changed”
1. Acknowledge how far they have come, to help them not to take the change for granted without nagging them
2. Don’t monitor their behavior unless invited to
3. Offer support; make it safe for them to confess a lapse
Helping in Stage 6: “I Made a Mistake” or “I Can’t Change”
1. Help them acknowledge the effort and the progress they have made
2. Convey your respect for how hard it is to stay on course over a long period
3. Help them see this not as failure but as a natural part of learning and developing skills
Resource
• Prochaska, Norcross and DiClemente, Changing for Good (New York: Harper, 1995)