MichaelGrinder:„IttakesmesixvisitstoRussiabeforeIcanevenstarttounderstandRussians”Asweannounced,inJuneMichaelGrinderwillgivehistrainingsessioninRussiathatwillbededicatetotheNonVerbalinfluence.Inanticipationitweaskedhimsomequestionsabouthismethodsandcomingtraining.

- Michael,aretheideasofRobertDilts’SleightofMouthleftinthepastforyou?OrdoyourmethodscompletetheonesthatDiltsoffers?

- RobertisoneofmymentorsinNLP,andNLPtaughtmehowtomodel.WhenIwastrainedinit,Iwasateacher.Ifoundthatmostmodelsofcommunicationoperatefromtheinsideout–thatis,“changetheperson’sinternalstateandtheywilloperatedifferentlyexternally.”ThiswasnotappropriatefortheeducatorsIwastraining.Therefore,Iswitchedtoan“outside-in”model–changetheirbehaviorsandtheychangetheirself-image.ThesecondmajoradaptationfromNLPthatIdidwasmovingthetraditionalstyleofone-on-onecommunicationtothegroupsettingthatteachersdealwithintheirclassrooms.ThethirdadaptationwastofocusonNonVerbalsinsteadofverbalcommunication

- HowdidNLPchangeyouandyourlife?- ThesinglemostbeautifulgiftthatNLPgavemewastheabilitytoseeandhearpatternsofNon

Verbalcommunication.- When,how,andwhydidyoudecidetostudyNonVerbalaspectsofcommunication?- Researchindicatesthatsomewhereabove80%ofourcommunicationisfoundintheNonVerbal

aspectsofthemessage.IwastraininginWestBerlin–theyearbeforetheytoredownthewall–whereIfoundandcopieddownaspray-paintedmessagethatsaid:“weareinlovewiththeinfluenceofpower.Andweneedtobeinlovewiththepowerofinfluence.”IhavemadeastudyofthedifferencebetweentheNonVerbalsofPowerandtheNonVerbalsofInfluenceandwhentouseeach.

- WhatwerethemostsurprisingandunbelievableresultsofNonVerbalinfluencethatyouremember?

- Ihaveacommitmenttostudyingcommunicationandpackagingpatternsinsuchawaythatotherpeoplecangetresults–notjustmyself.IopenlytellpeoplethattobeaNonVerbalcommunicatoratitshighestlevel,youhavetoacceptthatyou’reinthebusinessofmanipulation.Butthemanipulationiswiththecontrolofyourowneyes,voice,body,andbreathing.There’ssomedaysIcannotmanipulatemyselfaswellasIcanonotherdays.Tosummarize:“Imanipulatemyselftoinfluenceothers.”

- Couldyousharewithus2-3examplesofsituationswhenyouyourselfwereamazedbytheoutcomeswhichprovedtoyoutheefficiencyofyourmethodandshowedthatitcouldgivepeoplemagicandsuper-power?

- ThemostadvancedlevelofNonVerbalcommunicationhasbeenperception.Toteachperception,IuseamodelthatIcallthe“CirclesofHumanness.”Thefirstimpressionpeoplehaveofeachotheris“appearance,”whichisreplacedinafewminuteswith“behavior.”Thethirdcircleis“style,”thefourthcircleis“values”andtheinsidecircleiscalled“coreidentity.”Ihavediscovered14behavioralmoments(thesecondcircle)whentheindividualrevealstoyoutheir“style”and“values.”Thathasbeenthemostamazingthing–tobeabletopackagethisapproachsothatotherpeoplecanbemorerespectfulofthepeoplethattheycommunicatewith.

- WhatarethedifferencesofNonVerbalCommunicationthatyounoticedwhileworkingindifferentcontinents?CouldyoupleasegiveusanexampletoillustratethefactthatNonVerbalCommunicationdiffersfromplacetoplace,justlikethelanguages?Or,onthecontrary,demonstratethefactthattherearenodifferences,andthatafterstudyingthebasicnuancesonecanbecomeafriendtoeverystrangerwithoutanywords)?

- Eachculturehasdifferentbaselines:TheNorthernGermansgestureveryclosetotheirtorsoandsometimesjustwiththeirfingers;Bavariansgesture,atmost,withtheirelbowsattheirside;peopleinMediterraneancultureextendtheirarmsoutfromtheirtorsosothattheelbowscanbestraight.

- Oncethebaselineofeachcultureisunderstood,allofour21patternsofNonVerbalCommunicationcanbeapplied.Forexample,let’slookatvoicepatterns.TheNorthernGermanshaveaflatvoiceandMediterraneancultureshavearollingvoice.Weknowthattheflatvoice,referredtoascredible,sendsinformation;whiletherollingvoice,calledapproachable,elicitsinformationorincreasesdialogue.WiththeestablishmentthatNorthernGermanshaveaflatvoice,wecannowsaythatthosewhohavetheleastflatvoicearethemoreapproachableones.WiththeMediterraneans,thepersonwiththeleastrollingvoiceisthemorecredibleperson.Insummary,establishtheculturalbaselineandthenthe21patternsofNonVerbalCommunicationapply.

- WhatarethemaindifferencesofNonVerbalpatternsforcommunicationwith1-2personsandanaudienceof100-1000people?Aretherealotofsuchdifferences?Aretheysignificant?

- Thenumberonevariablewhenmovingfromone-on-onecommunicationtogroupcommunicationistheabilitytoincreaseyourperipheralsight…youhavetobeabletoseewhereyouarenotlooking.Secondly,groupscanbecategorizedbythefollowingvariables:“unformed”,“formedandfunctional”,“temporarilydysfunctional”,“chronicallydysfunctional”,and“healthy”.

- Groupdynamicscanbeunderstoodthroughthesymbolofatriangle.Atrianglehasthreesides;itisthestrongestgeometricshapewehavebecausepressureononesideisfeltequallybytheothertwosides.Thetopcorneristheperson-in-charge,thebottomleftcornerrepresentstheindividuals,andthebottomrightisthegroupasawhole.Byusingthefourcategoriesjustmentioned,theperson-in-chargehasmoreoptionsintermsofwhentofacilitate,whentosupport,whentomanage,andwhentodiscipline.

- Inyourperspective,whatarethedifferencesbetweenAmerican,European,andRussianNLP-

models?- SettingasideNLP,Americanculturetendstobelieveintheindividualtomakeahugedifference.

TheEuropeancultureofleadershiptendstobelievethatthesystemcanmakeadifference.I’mstillwaitingtolearnabouttheRussianmodelofleadership.

- WhyareyoucomingtoRussiawithyourtrainingprogramthisyear?Isitbecauseyouhavetimeforinternationaltrainings,ordoyoubelieveitistherighttimenowforthisparticulartraining?OrarethereanyotherreasonsthatmadeyouplanyourfirstRussianTraininingforSummer2016?

- Asatruesocialscientist,ItrytodisproveallthemodelsandpatternsthatIpackaged.ComingtotheRussianculturewillhelpmefigureoutwhichpatternsneedtobealteredsothatcross-culturalcommunicationcanbebetterunderstood.Wedoneedtospeakandunderstandeachother’slanguages;yetpeaceisoftentimesfoundwhenwerespecteachother’sNonVerbalcustoms.

- WhileorganizingyourRussiantraining,didyoustudyanyspecialfeaturesoftheRussianNonVerbalCommunication?Ifso,whatmaterialsdidyouuse(movies,news,communicationwithRussianfriends)?

- Whenlearninganewculture,thenumberoneskillistosuspendanyinterpretationofwhatyousee.IfindittakesmesixvisitsbeforeIcanevenstarttoapproximateaccurateinterpretations.ThiswillbemysecondvisittoRussiasoIwillbeobserving.

- DoyouknowanythingaboutRussianNLPanditsrepresentatives?Ifso,whatisyouropinion?WhatdoyourcolleagueswhohavealreadybeentoRussiawithtrainingssayaboutRussianstudents,theirmainrequestsanddifficulties?

- IhopetomeetpeopleoftheRussianNLPcommunity.Ilookforwardtomylearning.- DoyouknowYuriChekchurinandMikhailPelehatiy,NLP-trainers,whodevelopedthecomplexof

sleightsofmouth,consistingofwords,gestures,facialexpressions,psychologicaltypes,intonations?

- Idonotknowthesepeople–canyoudirectmewhereIcanlearnaboutthem?- Itseemsliketheyshouldvisityourtraining!So,Michael,dopeoplewhowanttoattendyour

traininginJuneneedany“base”(knowledgeofpsychology,NLP-trainings)todoit?- ThereareadvantagesanddisadvantagestoknowingNLPwhenyouattendoneofmyprograms.For

example,thepeopletrainedinNLP–andthosewhoknowmylastname–willwonderwhyIdonotuselanguagelike“anchoring”andinsteaduse“long-termmemory.”AndthosewhodonotknoweithermeorNLPwillreceiveplentyofopportunitiesindifferentareasfrommytraining.

- Andinevitablemagicbothinbusinessandinlife!Thankyou,Michael!SeeyouinJune!

MichaelGrinder`sSecretsofNonVerbalcommunication

arecoveredbyIrmaKaplanandAlexandraSamarina

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