How Great Leaders Listen

Semira RahemtullaOct 26, 2016

Exercise #1Do Your Best Listening

Exercise #1: Do Your Best Listening

• Find a partner in the room, go sit with them.• Pick a Person A & Person B• Wait for further instructions

Exercise #1: Do Your Best Listening

• Person A: 4min to talk about an irritating situation• Person B: Do your best listening• Then switch

Take notes on your experience being heard• How are you feeling?• What kinds of questions did your listener ask?• What is the outcome of the conversation?

How was that?

What were some of the questions people asked?What was the very best listening you heard?What made it feel that way?

A Thought Experiment…

On a quiet Sunday afternoon, when your partner says:

“I hate Sundays! I get so stressed on Sundays because Monday comes next! I hate my job! I wish I could figure out how I could not have to work there ever again.”

What do you say back?

3 Levels of Listening

1.Listening to win• Rejecting / tell her she’s wrong

(often nicely)

2.Listening to fix• Adding new info, asking a question

3.Listening to learn• Content• Emotion• Meaning

- So work is so bad you’d rather not even go? And you’re frustrated because you can’t figure out how to get around a thing you hate?

- That’s not true! Sundays are the best! You’ve got to enjoy Sundays - at least it’s not yet Monday.

- You know, Sundays used to be like that for me, too. You just have to not think about Monday.

- What’s going on at work?

Our mental models affect how we listen

How can I get her to focus on the real issue?

How can I get her to see it my way?

Why is she being so difficult?

PEOPLE HAVEPROBLEMS

Listening to “fix”

What is she saying?What’s the central feeling? What is it connected to?

What’s her implicit hope, intent, or fear?

PEOPLE HAVE PERSPECTIVES

Listening to understand

Exercise #2Practice “Level 3” Listening

Exercise #2: Practice “Level 3” Listening

• Person A: 3 minutes to talk about the same issue• Person B listens at “Level 3” – Listening for meaning

• Then switch

3 minutes to debrief with each other• Listener: What meaning did you hear?• Speaker: Did you feel understood?

BreakThink of a situation (that’s real for you right now) where:

• You disagree with an important person about something that needs to be done, or

• You have a hard feedback message to deliver and you’re worried about the response, or

• You’re generally “stuck” in a difficult pattern

Exercise #3Case of your own - role play

Exercise #3: Case of your own - role play

1. What is the context? (You’ll get 3min to describe it.)

2. What is your feedback for this person? Write it down.• When you do [x], I feel [y]• Here’s what I believe and why I believe it

3. What are you most afraid you’ll hear back? Write down 1-3 sentences (which you will give to your partner).

Exercise #3: Case of your own - role play

Case Owner1. Set up the context (3min)2. Give Difficult Other their “lines3. Deliver your feedback

Difficult Other4. After Case Owner has said his piece, read your “lines” as written5. Then, continue the role play

Observer-Help where needed-Guide the debrief (8min)

Exercise #3: Debrief

Start with Case Owner:How did that go? How are you feeling about it? How did you listen?

Then to the Difficult Other: How are you feeling? What worked there? Are you more/less inclined to look for common ground than you were at the beginning?

Discuss:How did case owner present his/her information?How did he/she get to “Level 3” Listening?