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Vulcan & Region Family and Community Support Services (F.C.S.S.)
Produced and Printed Locally; Folded By Hand!! February 3, 2011
An Ode Of English Plural.
We’ll begin with a box, and the plural is boxes,
But the plural of ox becomes oxen, not oxes.
One fowl is a goose, but two are called geese,
Yet the plural of moose should never be meese.
You may find a lone mouse or a nest full of mice,
Yet the plural of house is houses not hice.
If the plural of man is always called men,
Why shouldn’t the plural of pan be called pen?
If I speak of my foot and show you my feet,
And I give you a boot, would a pair be called beet?
If one tooth and a whole set are teeth,
Why shouldn’t the plural of booth be called beeth?
Then one may be that, and there would be those,
Yet hat in the plural would never be hose,
And the plural of cat is cats, not cose.
We speak of brother and also of brethren,
But though we say mother, we never say methren.
Then the masculine pronouns are he, his and him,
But imagine the feminine: she, shis and shim!
Let’s face it– English is a crazy language. There is no egg
in eggplant nor ham in hamburger. Neither apple or pine
in pineapple. English muffins weren’t invented in
England.
We take English for granted, but if we explore its
paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly,
boxing rings are square, and a guinea pig is neither from
Guinea nor is it a pig. And why is it that writers write, but
fingers don’t fing, grocers don’t groce and hammers don’t
ham?
Doesn’t it seem crazy that you can make amends but not
one amend? If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get
rid of all but one but one of them, what do you call it?
If teachers are taught, why didn’t preachers praught?
Sometimes I think all the folks who grew up speaking
English should be committed to an asylum for the
verbally insane.
In what other language do people recite at a play and play
at a recital? We ship by truck, but send cargo by ship….
We have noses that run and feet that smell. We park in a
driveway and drive in a parkway. And how can a slim
chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and
a wise guy are opposites?
You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in
which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which
you fill in a form by filling it out and which an alarm goes
off by going on.
And in closing, if Father is Pop, how come Mother’s no
Mop?
-With thanks to Duane and Janice Mix for this contribution.
This Week’s Riddle.
This is a true story. White horse jumped over a tower
and landed on a priest, Who immediately disappeared from
the landscape.
Where did this take place?
Brought To You By:
Vulcan & Region Family and
Community Support Services
(F.C.S.S.)
Director: Carrol Thomson
Child and Youth Services
Coordinator: Ashlee Fath
Reception/Food Bank: Brenda
English and Wendy Theodore
Senior Supports: Tina Wideen
Contact Us At: 115-2nd Avenue N
Box 594
Vulcan, AB, T0L 2B0
From Carmangay Toll Free:
1-877-485-2192
403-485-2192
403-485-2106
Fax: 403-485-6043
www.vulcanandregionfcss.com
Ding Dong!!
Avon Calling!
Call Bea Henry for your
Avon needs at 403-485-4165
FOOD BANK WISH LIST
Items Such As:
Due to Health regulations, the Food Bank cannot accept homemade foods.
*Kraft Dinner
*Hamburger Helper
*Canned Beans/Peas
*Canned Tomatoes
*Juice/Juice Boxes
*Vegetable Soup
*Pasta Sauce
*Canned Fruit
*Pudding
“Break The Cycle: Save
More, Spend Less.” Presented by FCSS and
Money Mentors.
Lunch hour session
February 22 at the Vulcan
FCSS Office from 11:55
am to 1:00 pm.
Receive a $10.00 gas card
upon session completion.
$10.00 registration fee,
lunch included.
Must preregister with
FCSS 403.485.2192
New to Vulcan?
Then come join us on April 13 from 8:30-10
am at the Vulcan Legion for a casual meet ‘n’
greet of others new to the area and some of the
agencies around the County.
New to a different village? Watch for
upcoming events in your area!
The Answer: A Chess Board
Please Please Please
Take Take Take
One!One!One!
For all your financial needs,
call 403.485.2268 today!!
Su
nd
ay
Mo
nd
ay
Tu
esd
ay
Wed
nes
da
y
Th
urs
day
Fri
day
Satu
rday
Eve
ry S
un
da
y:
Vu
lca
n E
va
ng
elic
al
Mis
sio
nary C
hu
rch
11
:00
am
.
Ca
rm
an
gay
Un
ited
Ch
urch
9
:15 a
.m.
Beth
el L
uth
era
n C
hu
rch
4
:00 p
m
Vu
lca
n C
hu
rch
of
Ch
rist
11
:00
am
Vu
lca
n V
icto
ry C
hu
rch
Servic
es
10
:00
am
Ch
am
pio
n C
on
greg
ati
on
al
Ch
urch
1
0:3
0 a
m
Ja
nu
ary
24
Car
man
gay
Com
mun
ity
Cen
tre
wal
k i
n 9
:30
a.m
.
V
ulc
an T
imes
for
Rh
ym
es a
t
the
Pet
er D
awso
n L
od
ge
at
10
:30am
L
om
on
d T
ime
for
Rh
ym
es o
n
ICE
4:0
0 p
m t
o 4
:30
pm
YO
UTH
CEN
TR
E
4-8
p.m
.
Feb
rua
ry 1
Alc
oh
oli
cs
An
on
ym
ou
s
8 p
m
Lu
ther
an C
hu
rch
Bas
emen
t
Al
An
on
: C
all
An
n f
or
tim
e an
d l
oca
tion a
t 4
03
.48
5.2
095
Bed
Tim
e St
ori
es W
ith
N
orm
a C
om
e in
yo
ur
PJ’
s!
Vu
lcan
Ho
spit
al a
t 6
:30
pm
Yo
uth
Dar
ts 1
2+ a
t
the L
egi
on
at
7:0
0p
m!
Feb
rua
ry 2
Car
man
gay
Com
mun
ity
Cen
tre
Wal
k i
n C
arm
angay
Au
dit
ori
um
9:3
0 a
.m.
Mil
o T
ime
for
Rh
ym
es
At
the
pla
ysc
hool
at 9
:30
am
Vu
lcan
Com
mun
ity C
hoir
Reh
ears
al a
t V
ulc
an S
enio
r
Cen
tre
7:3
0p
m-9
:30p
m.
EV
ER
YO
NE
wel
com
e.
YO
UTH
CEN
TR
E
4-8
p.m
.
Feb
rua
ry 3
Arr
ow
wood
Tim
e fo
r
Rh
ym
es
10
:00am
at
the
Lib
rary
.
Vu
lcan
Tim
es f
or
Rh
ym
es
10
:00am
at
the
Lib
rary
Alc
oh
oli
cs
An
on
ym
ou
s
8 p
m
Luth
era
n C
hurc
h
Basem
en
t
Feb
rua
ry 4
YO
UTH
CEN
TR
E
2-8
p.m
.
Feb
rua
ry 5
FC
SS s
po
nso
red
Wh
at
Ever
y B
abys
itter
Sh
ou
ld
Kn
ow
co
urs
e.
9-4
pm
C
ost
is $
40
.00
R
egis
ter
wit
h V
ulc
an
FCSS
BEF
OR
E Fe
bru
ary
1.
Sp
ace
is li
mit
ed
!
Feb
rua
ry 6
Eve
ry S
un
da
y:
St.
Ald
helm
’s A
ng
lica
n
Ch
urch
11
:00
am
St.
An
drew
’s C
ath
oli
c
9:0
0am
Vu
lca
n U
nit
ed
Ch
urc
h
11
:00am
Feb
rua
ry 7
Car
man
gay
Com
mun
ity
Cen
tre
wal
k i
n 9
:30
a.m
.
Vu
lcan
Tim
es f
or
Rh
ym
es a
t th
e P
eter
Daw
son
Lod
ge
at
10
:30am
Lom
on
d T
ime
for
Rh
ym
es o
n
ICE
4:0
0 p
m t
o 4
:30
pm
YO
UTH
CEN
TR
E
4-8
p.m
.
Feb
rua
ry 8
Alc
oh
oli
cs
An
on
ym
ou
s
8 p
m
Lu
ther
an C
hu
rch
B
asem
ent
Al
An
on
: C
all
An
n f
or
tim
e
and
loca
tion a
t 4
03
.48
5.2
095
Bed
Tim
e St
ori
es W
ith
N
orm
a C
om
e in
yo
ur
PJ’
s!
Vu
lcan
Ho
spit
al a
t 6
:30
pm
Yo
uth
Dar
ts 1
2+ a
t
the L
egi
on
at
7:0
0p
m!
Feb
rua
ry 9
Car
man
gay
Com
mun
ity
Cen
tre
Wal
k i
n C
arm
angay
Au
dit
ori
um
9:3
0 a
.m.
Mil
o T
ime
for
Rh
ym
es
At
the
pla
ysc
hool
at 9
:30
am
Vu
lcan
Com
mun
ity C
hoir
Reh
ears
al a
t V
ulc
an S
enio
r C
entr
e 7
:30p
m-9
:30p
m.
EV
ER
YO
NE
wel
com
e.
YO
UTH
CEN
TR
E
4-8
p.m
.
Feb
rua
ry 1
0
Arr
ow
wood
Tim
e fo
r R
hym
es
10
:00am
at
the
Lib
rary
.
Vu
lcan
Tim
es f
or
Rh
ym
es
10
:00am
at
the
Lib
rary
Alc
oh
oli
cs
An
on
ym
ou
s
8 p
m
Luth
era
n C
hurc
h
Basem
en
t
Feb
rua
ry 1
1
YO
UTH
CEN
TR
E
2-8
p.m
.
Feb
rua
ry 1
2
Ha
ppy
Birth
da
y
Febru
ary
Ba
bies!
Feb
rua
ry 1
3
If y
ou
wo
uld
lik
e t
o
ad
d a
n e
ve
nt o
r m
ee
tin
g to
our
ne
wsle
tte
r, p
lea
se c
all
Ash
lee
at 4
03-4
85-
21
06
or
vu
lca
nyw
@te
lus.n
et
Non
-pro
fit ads
are
fre
e.
Ad
ver
tise
wit
h u
s fo
r
only
$1
0.0
0 a
wee
k
(fo
r a
regula
r si
zed
ad)!
Feb
rua
ry 1
4
Car
man
gay
Com
mun
ity
Cen
tre
wal
k i
n 9
:30
a.m
.
Vu
lcan
Tim
es f
or
Rh
ym
es a
t th
e P
eter
Daw
son
Lod
ge
at
10
:30am
Val
enti
ne’
s D
ay
YO
UTH
CEN
TR
E
4-8
p.m
.
Feb
rua
ry 1
5
Cham
pio
n T
ime
for
Rh
ym
es
at 1
1:0
0am
at
the
sch
ool
Alc
oh
oli
cs
An
on
ym
ou
s
8 p
m
Lu
ther
an C
hu
rch
B
asem
ent
Al
An
on
: C
all
An
n f
or
tim
e
and
loca
tion a
t 4
03
.48
5.2
095
Bed
Tim
e St
ori
es W
ith
N
orm
a C
om
e in
yo
ur
PJ’
s!
Vu
lcan
Ho
spit
al a
t 6
:30
pm
Yo
uth
Dar
ts 1
2+ a
t
the L
egi
on
at
7:0
0p
m!
Feb
rua
ry 1
6
Car
man
gay
Com
mun
ity
Cen
tre
Wal
k i
n
Car
man
gay
Au
dit
ori
um
9:3
0 a
.m.
Mil
o T
ime
for
Rh
ym
es
At
the
pla
ysc
hool
at 9
:30
am
Vu
lcan
Com
mun
ity C
hoir
Reh
ears
al a
t V
ulc
an S
enio
r C
entr
e 7
:30p
m-9
:30p
m.
EV
ER
YO
NE
wel
com
e.
YO
UTH
CEN
TR
E
4-8
p.m
.
Feb
rua
ry 1
7
Arr
ow
wood
Tim
e fo
r R
hym
es
10
:00am
at
the
Lib
rary
.
Vu
lcan
Tim
es f
or
Rh
ym
es
10
:00am
at
the
Lib
rary
Alc
oh
oli
cs
An
on
ym
ou
s
8 p
m
Luth
era
n C
hurc
h
Basem
en
t
Feb
rua
ry 1
8
YO
UTH
CEN
TR
E
2-8
p.m
.
Feb
rua
ry 1
9
Are
yo
u a
bu
sin
ess,
ag
ency
, or
gro
up
wit
hin
Vu
lca
n C
ou
nty
tha
t w
ou
ld l
ike
to
pro
mote
wh
at
yo
u d
o
all
fo
r fr
ee?
Yo
u a
re i
nvit
ed t
o
par
tici
pat
e in
th
e
Wel
com
ing
New
com
er’s
Eve
nts
Nex
t ev
ent
dat
e: A
pri
l
13
/11
.
Mak
e a
3 x
5 c
ard
wit
h
yo
ur
info
rmat
ion
on
it;
yo
u m
ay i
ncl
ud
e an
oth
er
3 x
5 c
oup
on
fo
r a
free
bie
as
wel
l.
F
olk
s w
ill
red
eem
th
em
at y
ou
r lo
cati
on
. M
ake
14
0 o
f th
ese
and
dro
p o
ff
at F
CS
S o
r A
du
lt
Lea
rnin
g b
efore
Mar
ch
11
.
We
do
th
e re
st.
Mo
re I
nfo
rmat
ion
Cal
l:
Car
rol,
40
3 4
85
219
2
FC
SS
Va
len
tin
e A
rtis
t T
rad
-
ing
Ca
rd F
ren
zy.
Vu
lcan
Art
an
d G
ift
Gal
-
lery
(bac
k o
f th
e F
ash
ion
Stu
dy).
Mo
nd
ay F
eb.
14
10-
No
on
, 1-4
pm
an
d 6
-8p
m.
Ou
r val
enti
ne
gif
t to
yo
u:
a fr
ee w
ork
sho
p w
ith
no
exp
erie
nce
nec
essa
ry.
Cre
ate
yo
ur
ow
n A
RT
IST
TR
AD
ING
CA
RD
.
Ref
resh
men
ts s
erved
an
d
EV
ER
YO
NE
wel
com
e!!
Sec
on
d A
nn
ual
Ch
am
pio
n
Kin
der
gart
en
DIA
MO
ND
Sw
eeth
eart
Su
pper
.
Date
: T
hu
rsday
Feb
ruar
y 1
0
Pla
ce:
Cham
pio
n
Hal
l
Tim
e: 5
:30
-7:0
0 p
m
(Doors
open
at
5:1
5)
PE
RF
OR
MA
NC
E
by t
he
Kin
der
gart
en
stu
den
ts.
*L
ive
Au
ctio
n*
*R
affl
es*
*D
iam
onds
for
Her
and H
im*
Men
u:
Bak
e H
am
Pota
toes
Corn
Cole
slaw
Des
sert
Adult
$10
Chil
dre
n $
5
Fam
ily $
30
Under
6 y
ears
FR
EE
Tic
ket
s av
aila
ble
at
the
door.