Post on 28-Oct-2015
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Mehow, Inc. Confidential and Proprietary -‐ Copyright 2008 Mehow™, Inc. www.mehow.tv and http://www.mehowgetthegirl.com and http://www.10secondattraction.com
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Mehow, Inc. Confidential and Proprietary -‐ Copyright 2008 Mehow™, Inc. www.mehow.tv and http://www.mehowgetthegirl.com and http://www.10secondattraction.com
The 7 Jealously 7Guarded Secrets For Destroying Your Approach Anxiety" by Mehow Copyright 2008, Mehow, Inc. All rights reserved.
www.mehow.tv 888-‐mehow-‐tv
Contents Contents ......................................................................................................................................... 1 What is Approach Anxiety? ......................................................................................................................................................... 1 The Seven Secrets ......................................................................................................................................................... 2 No# 1: Talk to Women as Soon as Possible ............................................................................... 2 No# 2: Get in the Moment ......................................................................................................... 3 No# 3: This is All a Simulation and You Don’t Give a Shit .......................................................... 4 No# 4: Think of All the Women as Fat Seals .............................................................................. 5 No# 5: The Seven Points of Attention ........................................................................................ 5 No# 6: The Green Ball Meditation ............................................................................................ 5 No# 7: “The Social Revolutionary” Exercises ............................................................................. 7 The Inner Game Test .................................................................................................................. 8
What is Approach Anxiety? Approach Anxiety (AA) is, typically, that feeling of fear you get when you are about to approach a woman you don’t know.
One theory traces its origins to primeval days when we lived in 100 person tribes. In that time period, approaching a woman that might have belonged to someone else meant possible death. Hence, some theorize that the fear of approach was meant to protect men from making a potentially fatal mistake.
These days, that isn’t true at all, but our brains haven’t evolved past it. Approach Anxiety is something that any and every man feels before starting an interaction with a woman he doesn’t know. As we practice, this decreases somewhat but it never really goes away.
Mehow, Inc. Confidential and Proprietary -‐ Copyright 2008 Mehow™, Inc. www.mehow.tv and http://www.mehowgetthegirl.com and http://www.10secondattraction.com
That said, the feeling of euphoria you get after having a good night or day interacting with women is also a consequence of the anxiety. If it weren’t so difficult to do this sometimes, the victory wouldn’t taste so sweet.
Regardless of our intellectual understanding of AA, it is simply a fact of dating and we have to get past it.
The Seven Secrets Here are my Seven Secrets for dealing with AA in order of importance. No# 1: Talk to Women as Soon as Possible After years of dating interactions, and consistently watching my students and coaches, the thing that makes the biggest difference in managing AA is immediate interaction, regardless of the situation. In the daytime, when you see a woman you are attracted to, immediately start a conversation with her even if its with something like, “Heeeyy … do you have the time?” If you are out practicing deliberately to meet women, as soon as you get to or near the area you are sarging immediately open. For example, I will start a conversation with women on the street as I’m walking up to my favorite club. I’ll do it again as soon as I reach the top floor where I typically meet women. The outcomes of the initial interactions don’t matter, what matters are that they took place.
Allow me to explain how this works with an analogy. Many years ago I was a stereotypical rescue jockey. I was on both the rescue squad and the local search and rescue team. One day we were called to a plane crash. I happened to be the first responder and we, along with a lot of luck on his part, saved the pilot. But I very clearly remember the crashed aircraft. After that experience I was mortally afraid of flying. Regardless, in this society, you can’t exist without flying. So I had to. I flew a lot. And as I flew more and more, my fear of flying went away pretty much completely. The reason was that over and over, the plane didn’t crash. After loads of positive interactions my brain’s bad programming was replaced by good programming. Now I’m actually training to be a pilot.
When we are meeting women, the same thing will happen. We want to give our brain feedback contrary to its irrational impulses of Armageddon when we talk to that 21-‐year-‐old woman. Obviously, every time we start any conversation nothing actually bad or harmful ever happens. With this technique we simply give our brains that feedback as soon as possible.
This technique has proven over and over again to radically reduce approach anxiety. After you have your first few interactions, the rest go way easier.
Mehow, Inc. Confidential and Proprietary -‐ Copyright 2008 Mehow™, Inc. www.mehow.tv and http://www.mehowgetthegirl.com and http://www.10secondattraction.com
No# 2: Get in the Moment Most of the time, most humans, aren’t in the moment. They are lost in their thoughts or emotions. The truth is that you are not your thoughts or emotions. You are something far greater and more special than any of that. You are your consciousness, that which guides and observes your thoughts and emotions. Being in the moment, means being fully present with all your senses in a particular environment and not letting your thoughts or emotions run you.
Being fully present is invaluable in dating. Here is the latest rendition of the drill I use to get in the moment (this is excerpted from the Group Attraction Manifesto Vol. 1). I perform this drill at the beginning of every practice session:
“If you haven’t read Eckhart Tolle’s excellent book, ‘The Power of Now,’ you should go to your nearest bookstore and purchase a copy.
The following is a brief meditation exercise that I use to ‘get in the moment’ in a club. It’s based on Eckhart’s work.
Stand someplace where there is no traffic in the venue so you don’t’ get interrupted for 30 seconds and then perform the following meditation with your eyes closed:
“I want you to listen to all sounds in the environment … pay particular attention to the music, the sounds of laughter, the sounds of everyone talking, the sounds of people’s footsteps … really notice all of the sounds in the environment … if any thoughts or feelings pop into your mind, I want you to simply let them go. … keep paying attention to the sounds in the environment … note that you are not your thoughts or emotions. Note that your consciousness … The True You … is the observer of the sounds, your own thoughts and emotions. Keep paying attention to the sounds in the environment. … if any thoughts or feelings pop into your mind I want you to simply let them go … now as you pay attention to the sounds you will notice a very warm feeling of positive energy well up within you. It will come from inside. This is you feeling the joy of your own being accessed through your presence. Now keep paying attention to the sounds in the environment and the joy of your own being and when you have fully accessed the joy of your own being … slowly open your eyes … remain present and open the nearest set.”
You can also record yourself doing this and play it back on an mp3 player or listen to me doing it in the audio book.
I go through this exercise at least once a night and it alters my state to a more positive one every time.”
Mehow, Inc. Confidential and Proprietary -‐ Copyright 2008 Mehow™, Inc. www.mehow.tv and http://www.mehowgetthegirl.com and http://www.10secondattraction.com
No# 3: This is All a Simulation and You Don’t Give a Shit Not caring about outcomes is not only important tactically in every romantic interaction but it’s also insanely important to keep a happy state.
You want to be in the moment and nothing will mess that up quicker than your subconscious spinning endless thoughts of, “OMG! She’s soo hot, what if she rejects me?” or “What if I have nothing to say?”
The answer to this is simple. Really truly don’t care. You will have loads of attractive women soon enough. One more or less doesn’t matter.
Social interactions are best thought of as a video game. These women don’t know you. Until you get good at this, most of the women, most of the time will have no idea of who you really are because the interaction won’t last long enough for them to know. They aren’t evaluating you; they are evaluating your performance. Just like a computer that decides whether you moved the mouse fast enough to avoid that incoming bullet in your favorite 3D shooter (but I don’t know anything about that J). The entire interaction is a very logarithmic evaluation of who you appear to be, not you. It really is just a computer game.
Do you really give a shit when you die in a computer game?
Probably not.
Some people positively get off on dying in a computer game.
As so should you in any social environment.
I remind myself of this by saying to myself “I don’t give a shit!” right before I open a set. You can take this even further and deliberately blow sets up in all sorts of crazy ways. Try taking any of the techniques I gave you in my other works and just overflow them with harsh teasing and indicators of disinterest like …
“You guys look like the hottest … homeless girls in this entire club. Do you guys always shop at Salvation Army? … Oh, I see … you guys love me … ok … I’m going to borrow your friend here and take her outback where were going to drink some 20/20 and after I’m hammered enough to think she’s hot, we’ll have hot unprotected homeless sex in my shopping cart … we’ll make little homeless babies that we’ll then give to celebrities to adopt for money.”
If you say that to a group of girls and they like you, stay in the group. If you say that to a group of girls and they hate you then congrats! … you just proved to yourself that you don’t care.
Mehow, Inc. Confidential and Proprietary -‐ Copyright 2008 Mehow™, Inc. www.mehow.tv and http://www.mehowgetthegirl.com and http://www.10secondattraction.com
NOTE of CAUTION: When using insane material like the above, don’t go so over the top that you get thrown out of the club. Then again, if you get thrown out, who cares?
No# 4: Think of All the Women as Fat Seals Sometimes I walk into the club or see a woman I want to talk to in the daytime and I think of her as a fat, helpless seal stuck on land.
Sometimes, I’ll actually tease with, “If we were seals … this one would be going ‘ARF, ARF, ARF.’” This just straight erases a lot of fear. You can use any other image you want as long as it erases your fear.
For example, think of them as Twinkie loving fatties that are so fat they can barely breathe. “MMMM … oh yea … did you hear that Hostess is coming out … with a new Twinkie next week … its double chocolate fudge on the inside … MMM … oh yea … can’t you just taste that warm creamy filling in your mouth?” I wouldn’t say that to most girls, I’m just getting you in the mood.
Or think of them as smurfs, Etc. No# 5: The Seven Points of Attention1 It turns out that if you try to pay attention to too many things at once your mind can’t process that and you enter a blessed out state of trance. These types of techniques can go pretty deep (more on that later) but for now let me give you a simple version.
Focus on any object in the space around you. Now as you are focusing on that object also pay attention to what is going on in the periphery of your vision. As you are focusing on the object and paying attention to the periphery pick out 3 more objects in your field of view that you can see without shifting your focus. Now pick one more. Note that when you do that your mind tends to get all normal feeling and anxiety decreases. Do the exercise for 30 seconds and then turn around and go talk to the nearest girl.
No# 6: The Green Ball Meditation This is another exercise employing Neuro Linguistic Programming, particularly synesthesia. We use this one when coaching guys that have really intense anxiety. You can do it on yourself by recording the monologue and then listening to it when you need to (MP3 playing cell phones are ideal for this infield). This version is courtesy of our Chief Instructor, DJFuji.
“Close your eyes.
1 credit Steve Piccus and Hypnotica.
Mehow, Inc. Confidential and Proprietary -‐ Copyright 2008 Mehow™, Inc. www.mehow.tv and http://www.mehowgetthegirl.com and http://www.10secondattraction.com
Take a deep breath. Feel your heart racing. Feel the blood rushing through your veins and the pounding of your heartbeat.
Feel the raw approach anxiety run through your body. Now envision it as a glowing, green, neon energy flowing through your body.
Where do you feel it? Feel it in your toes. Feel it tingling in your finger tips. In the stiffness of your neck. In the tightness of your shoulders.
And probably most of all, feel it in the pit of your stomach and in your core – your solar plexus. The more concentrated the emotion is, the brighter it glows neon green. Watch and feel it flow freely through your body.
Now imagine a sphere of white energy surrounding you but not touching you. Your arms and legs are stretched out in an “X” shape.
Now imagine the white sphere getting smaller and smaller. As it shrinks, it begins to touch your outstretched fingertips and toes. As it does, your body passes right through it but the white sphere drags that bright green approach anxiety with it as it gets smaller and smaller.
The sphere is now passing through your forearms and legs, collecting the neon glow of AA as it continues to shrink. Your hands and feet are now outside of the sphere and completely void of any approach anxiety.
As the sphere continues to shrink, the approach anxiety gets more and more concentrated and glows brighter and hotter. You start to feel it build in your mid section as it condenses and is collected together like dirt swept by a broom. The sphere continues to shrink, now passing completely through your arms and legs and collecting that AA in your torso and stomach as it further condenses into the size of a basketball in your chest.
A glowing, green basketball of approach anxiety. And it shrinks even more, now so bright and focused that it’s glowing with pure, white-‐hot approach anxiety energy. It’s the size of a golf ball now and it contains the focused energy of every ounce of AA in your body.
Now you reach up with your hand and grab this ball of energy from your chest and hold it in your hand. You have dragged this entire emotion from your body and you now hold it in its entirety in the palm of
Mehow, Inc. Confidential and Proprietary -‐ Copyright 2008 Mehow™, Inc. www.mehow.tv and http://www.mehowgetthegirl.com and http://www.10secondattraction.com
your hand. It’s so focused that it feels hot to the touch and shakes rapidly in your hand, as if it were alive and trying to get out.
Now drop it on the ground, watch it shatter into a million pieces, and approach the set.” No# 7: “The Social Revolutionary” Exercises Recall that in #3 I taught you to “not give a shit,” i.e. don’t care about outcomes. Some guys need a little more help getting caring too much out of their system.
If you do anything extreme that is unusual, but not illegal, this shows you how much you can get away with without getting in any real trouble. This shows your brain, for example, if doing snow angels on the dance floor is harmless, then talking to women must be totally harmless.
The most extreme example I’ve ever seen of this type of exercise was from a friend of mine from Australia. He went to a club he doesn’t go to very often and just dropped his pants in the middle of the dance floor. He straight stood there in his underwear until the bouncers asked him to leave. Nothing else happened.
You don’t have to always go that extreme … you can try one of the following two exercises: Dance Floor Snow Angels – go in the middle of the dance floor, lay down and do some snow angels for 20 seconds then get up and grind the nearest girl you can find.
Ridiculous Hat Exercise – go to a costume shop and buy the most ridiculous hat you can find. Then go to the mall and wear it all day and talk to every girl you see. You are not allowed to talk about the hat. If she asks about the hat just say, “What hat?” and continue as if the hat doesn’t exist. If she brings it up again then say, “L-‐aaa-‐dy! I have no idea what hat you are talking about.”
This exercise teaches your brain that the actual limits of society’s behavioral tolerance are way beyond what you thought they were and just about any behavior is totally safe. You also learn to be impervious to social pressure.
Social pressure occurs when people try to tool you or stare at you or react in some non-‐positive way to something you are doing. When doing these exercises we’re deliberately doing things to provoke frequently non-‐positive reactions from other people. This teaches us that not only is ridiculous behavior on our part ok, but that even when people think of us negatively, it still doesn’t matter.
The intention of this list isn’t for you to use all of the secrets at once. The first 3, I do all the time. Try the other exercises, see how they help you and then stick with the ones that help you the most.
Mehow, Inc. Confidential and Proprietary -‐ Copyright 2008 Mehow™, Inc. www.mehow.tv and http://www.mehowgetthegirl.com and http://www.10secondattraction.com
For many of you this exercise list will be enough. For others you will need more work of the inner game variety. Here is how you can tell.
The Inner Game Test If you have 2 minutes without distractions perform the above “Get in the Moment” exercise (#2). If you get in the moment and your mind produces loads of anxious or distracting thoughts and/or emotions then you need to do more inner game work. If you get in the moment and you don’t have a lot of thought trains or emotional noise then your inner game is probably largely complete.
How does the test work? Well, when we free our mind of conscious control, our subconscious will generally produce whatever the baseline thoughts or emotions of your existence are.
If your baseline thoughts are, “I’m afraid of that girl … I’m not good enough.” or “I’m too bald and old and ugly to do this.” and/or your emotions are at all fear or anxiety based then all that is coming straight from your subconscious. There is an infinite quantity of subconscious output possibilities.
The acid test is whether that output is useful to you. If your subconscious is not producing useful output then you need to clean it up. There are number of ways to do that but they all involve NLP, exercises or loads of successful infield time. If you have negative subconscious output, I highly recommend any inner game product from Hypnotica and myself. You can get more info on that at www.mehow.tv.
Now you know the Seven Secrets to handling Approach Anxiety.
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