Deborah C. Owen, NBCTParent and Life Coach

DCOwen@YouCanRaiseGreatKids.com

The 3 Keys to Unlocking the Mysteries of Your Teen’s Mind

•Master’s degrees – music, library science•11 years public school teacher•National Board Certified Teacher•Certified Parent and Life Coach• Strategic Intervention Coach•Raised 3 children to become young adults (18, 21, 24)

Who am I? Why should you listen to me?

•@DeborahCOwen @Parents – Tweet whatever you want!• I will give you the slides and a guide to motivating

your child to do homework!

Today is interactive!

•Go to this website (or QR code)! http://bit.ly/kidsthankyou• First 3 to submit email – get free, signed book

Take Action!

Great Parents, Great Kids Coaching Session!You will:•Clarify your family’s greatest needs right now• Strategize some real action steps that will bring peace

and harmony back to your home, fast• Identify any mindset shifts that may need to take place

for kid behaviors to change

FREE for YOU!

Leave your name and # on Feedback form

It’s not your fault!

Let’s get started

Get to know yourself

• Authoritarian – strict; all or nothing; “do as I say”• Permissive – love; lack of boundaries• Disengaged – too busy; not home• Instinctive – “old school”; “go with your gut”• Attachment – strong emotional bonds• Helicopter – hyper-present• Authoritative – love; sets limits• Mindset; The New Psychology of Success – Carol Dweck

Parenting Styles

Mindset; The New Psychology of Success Carol Dweck

From: Reflections of a Grady Doctor

The Pied Piper(Leipzig, Germany)

• Assess• Take Action• Control• Connect• Conduct

• Apply• Adjust• Adapt

Pied Piper Parenting5 A+ Steps to Success for Stressed Out Parents

• Assess• Take Action• Control• Connect• Conduct

• Apply• Adjust• Adapt

Pied Piper Parenting5 A+ Steps to Success for Stressed Out Parents

Love

FearAnger, jealousy, defiance, anxiety,

depression…

2 emotions

Amygdala

Designed for survival

Looking for threats

Thalamus (sensory perceptions) Amygdala (processes emotions; memory storage)

freeze fight/flee (threat?)Releases cortisol (stress hormone)Signal prefrontal cortex

From The Post Institute

The Stress Model

My expression of fear emotion Triggers your fear emotion

Pushes us into survival! Threat subconscious reaction(instead of responding thoughtfully)

•Overwhelms thinking part of brain•Reduces ability to learn and remember•Causes confused and distorted thinking

High Stress…

• Stress response – • Hyper aroused – anger, explosions (“You can’t tell me

what to do!”), hyperactivity, fidgetiness, vigilance • Hypo aroused – withdrawal (“Leave me alone!”), defiance,

resistance, depression• In general, more boys have ADHD, more girls depressed• Reversed in adults •Women – hyper; Men - hypo

Dr. Bruce Perry, MD

Dysregulated Regulated Dysregulated

HypoDefiance

ResistanceDepressionwithdrawal

Love

HyperAnger

HyperactivityFidgetinessVigilance

When has your child caused you to express strong emotions which are really based in fear?

Which situations?

•Clench fists•4-7-8 breathing• Smile!•Woo hoo!

To control emotions – Physical state

• Eating/sleeping•Avoid bad things (caffeine, sugar, etc.)•Move!•Manage time better •Change environment occasionally

Manage stress – Healthy lifestyle

• Connect with people who are good for you• Take responsibility for your stress• Perspective• Forgive•Watch your words• Reframe problems• Express feelings• Gratitude – every day!

Manage stress – Healthy mindset

Who is your favorite robot?

Key tip – reducing stress triggers

• Assess• Take Action• Control• Connect • Conduct

• Apply• Adjust• Adapt

Pied Piper Parenting5 A+ Steps to Success for Stressed Out Parents

• Eye contact• Body language• Don’t give advice – just LISTEN!• NO judgment – offer empathy• Be curious• Late at night• Offer back massage• 10-20-10 rule – TIME AND ATTENTION

How to connect

•Aware •Breathe•Connect•Discuss

• If necessary - Contain

ABCD method of calm parenting in the heat of the moment

• “I noticed that when (this happens)….you (do this)…. What’s up?”• Empathy•Collaborate for solutions

• From The Explosive Child by Dr. Ross Greene

After the explosion

• Assess• Take Action• Control• Connect • Conduct

• Apply• Adjust• Adapt

Pied Piper Parenting5 A+ Steps to Success for Stressed Out Parents

A servant-leader focuses primarily on the growth and well-being of people and the communities to which they belong. While traditional

leadership generally involves the accumulation and exercise of power by one at the “top of the pyramid”, servant leadership is

different. The servant-leader shares power, puts the needs of others first and helps people develop and perform as highly as possible.

Robert K. Greenleaf From a 1970 essay

https://greenleaf.org/what-is-servant-leadership/

Servant Leadership

•Boost self-esteem and self-confidence• Teach empathy•Discipline – from “disciple” (to teach)• NOT to punish or get retribution• Children LEARN through consequences

• Assess• Take Action• Control• Connect • Conduct

• Apply• Adjust• Adapt

Pied Piper Parenting5 A+ Steps to Success for Stressed Out Parents

•Consequences – TASK-based, not time-based•Cooperation – blog• Internet and media – book• Sibling fighting – blog• Schoolwork and homework – inspire • Lying – based on fear (Gandhi’s grandson story)• Stealing/cutting – addictive behaviors•Drugs, alcohol, sex…

• Explain your expectations• Explain the science – research project• Role play•Minimize opportunities for risky behavior• Know the signs and behaviors, paraphernalia, symptoms• Connect every single day• Don’t hesitate to get help

Do your best – drugs, alcohol, sex

•Get to know yourself•Parenting styles• Take Action• Control – stress • Connect• Conduct

•Apply

What did you learn tonight?

What do you LOVE about your child(ren)?What do you need to do now, so you and they will go

forward on a better foot?

What questions do you still have?

It’s not your fault!Things WILL get better!

You can get help

$8.00Also on Amazon

Great Parents, Great Kids Coaching Session!You will:•Clarify your family’s greatest needs right now• Strategize some real action steps that will bring peace

and harmony back to your home, fast• Identify any mindset shifts that may need to take place

for kid behaviors to change

Don’t Forget: FREE!

Leave your name and # on Feedback form

All athletes have it! Not diagnose-based; Behavior-based

Action stepsProactive, collaborative

Deal with: defiance, disrespect, early-stage cutting/eating problems, stealing, lying, lack of

motivation, your own concerns, more

What is Coaching?

Parenting course: Pied Piper Parenting; 5 A+ Steps to Success

For Stressed-out Parents•

4 months, 3x/month

Also…. Ready for more?

•Assess – Bridge the gap • Understand everyone’s needs; environment; more…

•Much more in the Take Action step•More strategies for Apply step•How to Adjust on the fly and proactively•How to Adapt by refocusing

Parenting course – 5 in-depth modules

•Parenting course: Pied Piper Parenting• 4 months, 3x/month

•Bonus – Facebook group with all members

Bonus

•A caring community mastermind!•Camaraderie and support from like-minded parents

looking to crack the code of difficult teenagers•Get the synergy of parents who care enough to make

a difference•Daily access to me and my expertise and experience•Get back your parenting confidence!

Why a Facebook group?

How much is this worth to you?• Your child’s happiness today?•His/her success in the future?•A stress-free home environment, right now?• Siblings who rarely argue?• Fun family vacations, without conflict?•Being able to sleep at night?

Priceless opportunity

• Teaching certifications, degrees, and awards•Coaching certifications – ongoing•11 years in the trenches, most of them with teens•Research •130 blogposts and a book•At least 2 more books in process

My own investments…

•….Thousands of hours•….Tens of thousands of dollars• I save you time and $ – bring you the best of the best•Because I am PASSIONATE: Empower parents to be the

best parents you can be – raise happy, successful kids

My own investments

•Parenting course: Pied Piper Parenting • 4 months, 3x/month

• Investment … Industry experts tell me it IS priceless, but I should post it at…•$997

Ready for the transformation?

•12 sessions at 90 min/each = 18 hours• Same as: ½ a semester course in college

• Equals 2 high-end iPads

•Remember! Bonus FB group – • Value: $37/month x 4 = $148

Compared to what?

•Parenting course • 4 months, 3x/month

• Investment … Industry experts tell me it IS priceless, but I should post it at…•$997 $697 (for the next 48 hours)•Or 3 monthly payments of $270

Ready for the transformation?

Our best bet for a healthy, compassionate societyIs to build healthy, happy homes

My mission: Empower parents to be the best parents you can be – raise happy, successful kidsDCOwen@YouCanRaiseGreatKids.com

YouCanRaiseGreatKids.comMission

DCOwen@YouCanRaiseGreatKids.com

“Our best bet for a healthy, compassionate societyIs to build healthy, happy homes.” ~D. Owen

My mission: Empower parents to be the best parents you can be – raise happy, successful kids

• Mindsets: Reflections of a Grady Doctor, http://www.gradydoctor.com/2013/08/team-sjgr-thursday-huddle-5-mindset.html• Amygdala - http://www.maggiekb.com/2013/08/13/whos-afraid-of-

the-amygdala/• Stress Model – Post institute• Golden Rule - http://blog.genesys.com/the-golden-rule-of-great-cx/

Picture credits