50 PSYCHOLOGY CLASSICS

WHO WE ARE, HOW WE THINK, WHAT WE DO

INSIGHT AND INSPIRATION FROM 50 KEY BOOKS

1979 PEOPLE SKILLS

ROBERT BOLTON

85% of our communication is nonverbal.

WATCH75% of oral communication is

ignored, misunderstood, or quickly forgotten.

LISTEN

“Emotional intelligence matters

twice as much as technical and analytic skill

combined for star performances...

And the higher people move up in the company, the more crucial emotional intelligence

becomes.”

Daniel Goleman

1998

WORKING WITH EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE

Malcolm Gladwell

Blink2005

ASSESSMENTS WE MAKE IN THE

BLINK OF AN EYE CAN BE AS GOOD

AS THOSE WE MAKE AFTER MUCH

DELIBERATION.

David Burns1980

FEELINGS ARE NOT FACTS;

YOU CAN CHANGE YOUR FEELINGS BY

CHANGING YOUR THINKING

WILLIAM JAMES

1890 THE

PRINCIPLES OF

PSYCHOLOGY

THE FORMULA FOR SELF-ESTEEM

SELF-ESTEEM = SUCCESS . PRETENSIONS

The games we play are like worn-out loops of tape we inherit from childhood and continue to let roll.

Though limiting and destructive, they are also a sort of comfort, absolving us of the need to confront unresolved psychological issues.

1964 GAMES PEOPLE PLAY

ERIC BERNE

NathanielBranden1969

SELF-ESTEEM OCCURS

NATURALLY WHEN WE CHOOSE TO

LIVE ACCORDING TO REASON AND

OUR OWN PRINCIPLES.

STEVEN PINKER

2002 THE BLANK SLATE

Genetic science and evolutionary psychology show that human nature is not simply a result of socialization by our environment.

We are not blank slates.

Generating alternatives—to have better solutions you must have more choices to begin with.

Challenging assumptions—though we need to assume many things to function normally, never questioning our assumptions leaves us in thinking ruts.

Quotas—come up with a certain predetermined number of ideas on an issue. Often it is the last or fi nal idea that is the most useful.

Analogies—trying to see how a situation is similar to an apparently diff erent one is a t ime-tested route to better thinking.

Reversal thinking—reverse how you are seeing something, that is, see its opposite, and you may be surprised at the ideas it may liberate. Finding the dominant idea—not an easy skil l to master, but extremely valuable in seeing what really matters in a book, presentation, conversation, and so on.

Brainstorming—not lateral thinking itself, but provides a setting for that kind of thinking to emerge.

Suspended judgment—deciding to entertain an idea just long enough to see if it might work, even if it is not attractive on the surface.

TECHNIQUES OF CREATIVE THINKERS

1970 Lateral Thinking Edward de Bono

Projection Repression

Regression

Sublimation

THE EGO AND THE MECHANISMS OF DEFENSE

ANNA FREUD 1936

Personality Types at Work

With a sensing type you have to articulate the problem very quickly before you can expect them to provide a solution.

Intuitives will only be interested in helping if an enticing possibility is dangled before them.

Thinkers need to know what sort of result they are looking for and to have the situation explained in a set of logical points.

Feeling types will need to have the situation framed in terms of what it means to the people involved.

1980

ISABEL BRIGGS MYERS

1984Influence

by Robert

Cialdini

INFLUENCE IS A GREAT PRIMER ON HOW

MARKETERS SUCCEED IN GETTING US TO BUY, BUT ON A DEEPER LEVEL IT IS

ABOUT THE WAY WE MAKE DECISIONS.

ARE YOUR DECISIONS THE RESULT OF SOMEONE

TRYING TO PULL YOUR MENTAL OR EMOTIONAL

STRINGS, OR ARE YOU THINKING RATIONALLY?

HARRY HARLOWE1958 THE NATURE OF LOVE

WE NEED LOVE

The Gestalt Poem…..

I do my thing, and you do your thing.I am not in this world to live up to your expectationsAnd you are not in this world to live up to mine.You are you and I am I,And if by chance we find each other, it’s beautiful.If not, it can’t be helped.

FRITZ PERLS 1951 GESTALT THERAPY

Real creativity can only emerge

once we have mastered the

medium or domain in which

we work. Mihaly Cs ikszentmihaly i

1996CREATIVITY

A Guide to Rational Living helps us understand H2:

Understand how emotions are generated Lessen the need for approval Conquer anxiety Eliminate fear of failure Lead a reasonably happy and productive

life through more care and discipline in your thinking.

1961 Albert Ellis & Robert A. Harper

A GUIDE TO RATIONAL LIVING

THE UNCONSCIOUS MIND IS A WELL OF WISE SOLUTIONS AND FORGOTTEN

PERSONAL POWER.

SIDNEY ROSEN

1982

1958ERIK ERICKSON

CRISES OF IDENTITY, WHILE PAINFUL AT THE

TIME, ARE NECESSARY

TO FORGE A STRONGER, MORE COMMANDING SELF.

1947Hans Eysenck

TWO SUPERTRAITS

EXTRA/INTROVERSION

NEUROTICISM*

*HOW UPSET, NERVOUS, WORRIED, ANXIOUS, OR STRESSED WE HAVE A TENDENCY TO BE

1997 Emotiona

l Blackmail

Susan Forward

BLACKMAILERS CREATE A “FOG” OF “FEAR, OBLIGATION, AND GUILT,” WHICH

MAKES IT SOMETIMES

DIFFICULT TO SEE HOW WE ARE

ACTUALLY BEING TREATED

There is room for free will;

to choose to develop certain values or a

particular course in life, or to retain our dignity in

difficult situations.

1969 THE WILL TO MEANING

VIKTOR FRANKL

Dreams have a preference for using impressions from days just past, yet they also have access to early childhood memories.

The method of memory selection in dreams is diff erent to that of the waking mind—the unconscious mind generally does not focus on major events, but remembers the trivial or unnoticed.

Despite their reputation as being random or absurd, in fact dreams have a unifying motive that easily pulls disparate people, events, and sensations into one “story.”

Dreams are always about the self. Dreams can have multiple layers of meaning, and a number of

ideas can be condensed into a single image. Equally, ideas can be displaced (a familiar person can become someone else, a house takes on a diff erent purpose, and so on).

Nearly all dreams are “wish fulfi llments,” that is, they reveal a deep motivation or desire that wants to be fulfi lled, often a wish going back to earliest childhood.

THE INTERPRETATION OF DREAMS SIGMUND FREUD 1900

WHAT SEEM LIKE VERY PERSONAL CHANGES

ARE OFTEN SIMPLY TRANSITIONS FROM

ONE SEASON OF LIFE TO ANOTHER.

1976 PASSAGES

GAIL SHEEHY

ALFRED ADLER1927

UNDER-STANDING

HUMAN NATURE

WHAT WE THINK WE LACK DETERMINES

WHAT WE WILL BECOME IN LIFE.

2006 Stumbling on Happiness Daniel Gilbert

DUE TO WAY THE BRAIN WORKS, OUR

PREDICTIONS OF HOW WE WILL FEEL IN THE

FUTURE ARE NOT ALWAYS ACCURATE,

AND THAT INCLUDES WHAT WILL MAKE US

HAPPY.

Linguistic IQ Musical IQ Visual-spatial IQ Kinesthetic IQ Interpersonal IQ Intrapersonal IQ Logical-mathematical IQ

HOWARD GARDNER

1983FRAMES OF MIND

Most of Gottman’s principles for creating sustainable and happy marriages revolve around one crucial factor:

FRIENDSHIP The best three things you can do?

Have familiarity and interest in your spouse’s world

Turn toward your partner – it’s the little every day things

Allow yourself to be influenced – share the power

THE SEVEN PRINCIPLES FOR MAKING MARRIAGE WORK

JOHN GOTTMAN

It’s tough to get to the “I’m OK—You’re OK” position. We may experience it on occasion, but for it to become more or less ingrained it has to be a conscious decision (not merely a feeling), based on faith in people in general. It is a little like the concept of grace; that is, total acceptance of our- selves and of others.

Thomas Harris

1967 I’M OK—YOU’RE OK

Eric Hoffer

1951 The True Believer

PEOPLE ALLOW THEMSELVES TO BE

SWEPT UP IN LARGER CAUSES

IN ORDER TO BE FREED OF

RESPONSIBILITY FOR THEIR LIVES,

AND TO ESCAPE THE BANALITY OR MISERY

OF THE PRESENT.

1945 Our Inner Confl icts

Karen Horney

LIVING WITH UNRESOLVED

CONFLICTS INVOLVES PRIMARILY A

DEVASTATING WASTE OF HUMAN ENERGIES,

OCCASIONED NOT ONLY BY THE

CONFLICTS THEMSELVES BUT BY

ALL THE DEVIOUS ATTEMPTS TO

REMOVE THEM.

Whether he understands them or not, man must remain conscious of the world of the archetypes, because in it he is still a part of Nature and is connected with his own roots. A view of the world or a social order that cuts him off from the primordial images of life not only is no culture at all but, in increasing degree, is a prison or a stable.

1968 THE ARCHETYPES AND THE COLLECTIVE UNCONSCIOUS

CARL JUNG

MELANIE KLEIN

1957 ENVY AND GRATITUDE

• If kids can fully express love for their mother in infancy, this sets them up to be able to enjoy life and love fully in adulthood.

• However, some kids are more aggressive and greedy than others, and bear more of a grudge against their mother when they do not feel their needs are being met.

• Feelings of envy make children less able to enjoy and be grateful for the sustenance and attention they receive – these kids become envious people as adults.

• Infants who get the good aspects of their parent(s) have a fundamentally positive and grateful view of life

1960 The

Divided Self

R. D. Laing

WE TAKE A STRONG SENSE OF

SELF FOR GRANTED,

BUT IF WE DON’T HAVE

THIS, LIFE CAN BE

TORTURE

People allow themselves to be swept up in larger causes in order to be freed of responsibility for their lives, and to escape the banality or misery of the present.

ERIC HOFFER

1951 THE TRUE BELIEVER

“People selected as self-actualizing subjects……………

go about it in these little ways:

They listen to their own voices; they take responsibility; they are honest; and they work hard.

They find out who they are, not only in terms of their mission in life, but also in terms of the way their feet

hurt when they wear such and such a pair of shoes and whether they do or do not like eggplant or stay

up all night if they drink too much beer.”

ABRAHAM MASLOW 1971

Obedience to Authority

Ordinary people, simply doing their jobs, and

without any particular hostility on their part,

can become agents in a terrible destructive

process.

STANLEY MILGRAM

1974

1989 Brainsex

Anne Moir & David Jessel

THE SEXES ARE DIFFERENT BECAUSE THEIR BRAINS

ARE DIFFERENT. THE BRAIN, THE CHIEF

ADMINISTRATIVE AND EMOTIONAL ORGAN OF

LIFE, IS DIFFERENTLY CONSTRUCTED IN MEN

AND IN WOMEN; IT PROCESSES INFORMATION

IN A DIFFERENT WAY, WHICH RESULTS IN

DIFFERENT PERCEPTIONS, PRIORITIES AND

BEHAVIOUR

IN THE WAY THAT OUR MINDS ARE CONDITIONED, WE ARE LESS AUTONOMOUS THAN WE THINK

1927 CONDITIONED REFLEXES

IVAN PAVLOV

Knowing how to pick a psychopath recklessness and bravado single-mindedness not being shocked at things that would appall other people

being weirdly calm in conflict the need to be in control.

GAVIN DE BECKER, 1997 THE GIFT OF FEAR

The “world of make believe,” as we tag it in our superior way, has the feel of cold, hard reality to younger children, because within it everything makes sense according to their own intentions and motivations. In fact, as Piaget wryly observed, a child’s world seems to work so well that, according to their understanding, logic is not required to support it.

1923 THE LANGUAGE AND THOUGHT OF THE CHILD

JEAN PIAGET

2006

LOUANN BRIZENDINE

In a nutshell……..

Men and women experience the world differently thanks to each gender’s vastly different exposure to sex hormones.

1998 Phantoms in the Brain

V.S. Ramachandran

“A PIECE OF YOUR BRAIN THE SIZE OF A

GRAIN OF SAND WOULD CONTAIN

ONE HUNDRED THOUSAND NEURONS,

TWO MILLION AXONS AND

ONE BILLION SYNAPSES, ALL ‘TALKING’ TO EACH

OTHER.”

Carl Rogers

1961 On Becoming a Person

HE CAME TO THE CONCLUSION THAT IT

WAS MORE EFFECTIVE TO LET PATIENTS (OR CLIENTS) GUIDE THE

DIRECTION OF THE PROCESS. THIS WAS THE

BEGINNING OF HIS FAMOUS CLIENT-

CENTERED FORM OF THERAPY.

It is only when something goes neurologically wrong that we realize how much we take for granted the

effort that goes into keeping up the feeling of being an autonomous

being, always in control.

THE MAN WHO MISTOOK HIS WIFE FOR A HAT: OLIVER SACKS 1970

Paradoxically, happiness may lie

in limiting our choices rather

than increasing them

2004 THE PARADOX OF CHOICE

BARRY SCHWARTZ

2002 AUTHENTIC HAPPINESS MARTINSELIGMAN

Whether or not we are happy every moment is largely irrelevant. Like Truman, what matters is whether or not we choose to develop what is within us—happiness does not “come along” but involves choices.

One of the best features of Authentic Happiness are the tests you can take to determine your levels of optimism, your signature strengths, and so on.

“The nomad on horseback in Outer Mongolia and the astronaut in outer space

are different people, but, as far as we know, if they had been exchanged at birth,

they would have taken each other’s place.”

BF SKINNER 1971 BEYOND FREEDOM AND DIGNITY

3 Parts: Difficult ConversationsWhat happened? – both from

my perspective and yoursHow do we feel about what

was said? Are our feelings valid?

Does what we have just said to the other person, or what they have just said to us, shake our sense of who we are? Our identity?

1999 DIFFICULT CONVERSATIONS

DOUGLAS STONE, BRUCE PATTON, & SHEILA HEEN

1990 Darkness Visible William Styron

MUCH OF THE LITERATURE AROUND DEPRESSION IS

BREEZILY OPTIMISTIC.

WHEN YOU THINK THAT DEPRESSION

IS A DISEASE THAT DISTORTS OR BRINGS TO THE FORE ISSUES TO DO

WITH OUR VERY SENSE OF SELF,

SURELY IT IS NOT SURPRISING THAT CURES

ARE NOT INSTANT.

GIVEN THEIR EFFECT ON OUR QUALITY OF LIFE, IT IS VITAL THAT WE DISCOVER WHAT MAY CAUSE OUR MOODS

1996 THE ORIGIN OF EVERYDAY MOODS

ROBERT E. THAYER