1

“And you should imitate me,just as I imitate Christ.” I Cor. 11:1

Commit to following Christ’s Example

Mentor by Example

Have Faith in God’s Work

Mentor Code of Conduct

Manual III-1

Getting to Know Your Club Kid

We’re all about building relationships.

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Manual III-2

3

A Sweet Taste Mentoring Approach

Manual III-2

“Train up a child in the way he should go, even when he is old he will not

depart from it.”Proverbs 22:6

Train Up = Hebrew word hanakh

to “dedicate” or “consecrate”

Related to the term for “Roof of the mouth.”

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A Sweet Taste Mentoring Approach:

“Train Up”Manual III-2

A very similar word in Arabic describes an ancient practice:

The midwife dipped her finger into crushed dates and

massaged the palate and gums of a newborn.

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A Sweet Taste Mentoring Approach:

Natural InstinctManual III-3

Using natural instinct to guide the baby to make the right choice!

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A Sweet Taste Approach: Inspiration

Manual III-3

• The best training (and mentoring) is

accomplished when we opt for inspiration instead of coercion.

• We do this by discovering the child’s natural desires and unique abilities.

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A Sweet Taste Mentoring Approach:Characteristic Way

Manual III-3

• “Way he should go.” The key Hebrew word in the phrase is derek, or “way.”

• Therefore, train a child according to his or her characteristic manner.Artistic? Athletic? Academic? One may be strong-willed, another compliant . . .

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A Sweet Taste Mentoring Approach:The Challenge

Manual III-4

• Learning the core strengths and “the way s/he should go” for a club kid can be challenging.

• Why? Because of LEARNED HELPLESSNESS . . .

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Learned Helplessness:Experiment Part 1

Manual III-4

• Acting or behaving helplessly in a particular situation, not realizing you have the power to change the circumstances

• Martin Seligman & colleagues Experiment 1:

Group 1 dogs – no shocks

Group 2 dogs – shocks which the dogs could end

Group 3 dogs – shocks which the dogs could not control

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Learned HelplessnessExperiment Part 2

Manual III-4

• Experiment 2:Placed all dogs in a shuttle-box apparatus. The dogs could escape electric shocks by jumping over a low partition. Response?

Group 2 –

Group 3 –

Group 1 – Jumped out of the box, escaping the shocks

Jumped out of the box, escaping the shocks

Passively laid down and whined

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Learned Helplessness:

Foster Care and AbuseManual III-4

• How could abuse or neglect create Learned Helplessness?

• How could foster care create Learned Helplessness?

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Learned Helplessness:Long Term Impact

Manual III-4

• Mental and physical illness

• Chronic Victimization

• Repeating the cycle of abuse and neglect

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Learned Helplessness:Personal, Pervasive, Permanent

Manual III-5

Learned helplessness and depression result from responding to negative life events with a pessimistic explanatory style

• PERSONAL “It’s all my fault!”

• PERVASIVE “I can’t do anything right!”

• PERMANENT “Nobody will ever like me!”

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Reversing Learned Helplessness

PersonalManual III-6

Club materials focus on providing new explanations for bad life events using the Word of God

PERSONAL “It’s all my fault!”

to

“God loves me no matter what happens!”

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Reversing Learned Helplessness

PervasiveManual III-6

PERVASIVE “I can’t do anything right!”

to

“God gave me strengths and talents!”

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Reversing Learned Helplessness

PermanentManual III-6

PERMANENT “I will never amount to anything!”

to

“God has a plan for my life!”

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Reversing Learned Helplessness

Vicarious LearningManual III-7

People can learn helplessness through

“vicarious” learning (or modeling), i.e.,observing another person encountering uncontrollable events

Example?

Vicarious learning can also teach positive messages and behaviors that empower children.

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RFK Curriculum:Role Models

Manual III-8

1. “Role Models” focus provides positive vicarious learning

• Historical heroes who were orphans or in foster care who demonstrate resilience

• Bible Club stories featuring “over-comers”

• Monthly Puppet Skits

• Mentors and Club staff provide modeling

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RFK Curriculum

FunManual III-8

2. Help Kids Discover their Signature Strengths

3. Leadership – Real-life Opportunities

4. FUN – ‘therapeutic’ but NOT therapy!

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RFK Curriculum

Adventure BookManual III-9

Using the Adventure Book

• “Low maintenance” mentoring tool

Basics: pencil, pen, tape

A method for discovering your Club kid’s characteristic “way to go” implanted by God

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RFK CurriculumAdventure Book

Hero StoriesManual III-9

Using the Hero stories

• Slow or non-readerswill need help.

• You can quickly“summarize” the plot.

• These heroes ALLovercame childhood traumato do important work.

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RFK CurriculumAdventure Book

ActivitiesManual III-9

Games

• Learning style?• “Love” language?• What makes them laugh?

Clues to your club kid:

No “wrong” answers possible!

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RFK CurriculumAdventure Book

JournalManual III-10

Adventure Log/Map

• A way to record memories!

A leaf from the park . . . A napkin from MacDonald’s . . . A photo

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Head Fake PrincipleManual III-11

“It is the RELATIONSHIP that heals!” Psychiatrist Irving Yalom

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Head Fake PrincipleThe Original Wound

Manual III-11 (continued)

The original wound?

A personal relationship that failed.

“We believe that the love we have invested in these children will be blessed in God’s time and to God’s glory.” ChildShare Credo

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Mentoring Q & AManual III-12 & 13

1. When do I get matched with my Club kid?

2. When can I contact my Club kid?

3. How do I contact my Club kid?

4. What ‘counts’ towards the 4 hour per month commitment?

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Mentoring Q & AManual III-13 & 14

5. How should I schedule my mentoring time?

6. Four of us are mentoring siblings in the same home — can we pick them up & take them places together?

7. When does my commitment to 4 hours per month end?

8. What about summer contact?

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Mentoring & BoundariesManual III-15-17

Mentors are NOT:

• Babysitters • Taxis • Santa

• Banks • Family Counselors

Mentors ARE mandated reporters of abuse.

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Royal Family KIDS View ofFoster Caregivers

Manual III-18 & 19

A caregiver’s cooperation can make or break the opportunity to reach a foster child through Club. Work to enhance the relationship by

• Believe every child comes from a loving, caring foster home

• Recognize foster parenting is difficult and challenging

• Appreciate opportunity to reach foster parents and kids

• Expect the foster child to give a biased opinion of home life

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Caregiver Communication:Emergency Release

Manual III -20 & 21

Keep expectations and approval processes open & clear. The application process will require completed & signed:

• Emergency Medical/Activities Transportation Release(one form for each Club kid) VI-2 & 3

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Caregiver CommunicationUsing the Caregiver Covenant

Manual III – 20 - 23

• Caregiver Covenant, VI – 4 & 5

- Part I: Caregiver vs Club Commitment

- Part II: Pick Up and Drop Off Authorization (2 emergency contacts)

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Caregiver CommunicationSeveral Club Kids in the Same Family

Manual III-20-21

• Several kids in same family – handling forms

Caregiver CommunicationFirst Caregiver Meeting

Manual III-21

• Mentor/Caregiver first meeting

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What if Your Club Kid Moves Placement?

Manual III-24 & 25

• Mentor Director will call the social worker to get an ally in continuing your mentoring relationship

• Once Mentor Director makes contact with new caregiver a mentor can call & introduce themself to the new caregiver

• Get new Emergency/Medical Activities Transportation Release form, Caregiver Covenant & Drop Off/Pick Up Authorization signed

• Club kid moved too far away to continue mentoring? Ask if you can call, or mail cards.

Be positive, friendly and supportive!

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Mentoring RemindersMentoring & Transportation Logs

Manual III-27

Mentoring Log (see Manual VI-12 & 13)

• Complete every month due at Club meeting

• Copy goes to Mentoring Director for review

• Complete at time of every trip—give copy to Mentoring Director each monthly meeting

Transportation Log (see Manual VI-12 & 13)

• Signed Emergency/Medical Transportation Release, proof of insurance & valid driver’s license whenever transporting Club kid(s)

Using Your Club ID Certification Cards

III-27 & 28

• Required at every Club meeting/mentoring activity

• Paper Copy to caregiver and/or caseworker

• Caretaker may always ask to see the card

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Why RFK Requires Certification Cards

III- 27 & 28

1. The process enforces national standards

2. The card provides an identity check and a copy provides an official record for the caregiver

3. The card includes an expiration date and is collected at year’s end

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Mentoring CohortDefinition Manual III-29 & 30

• Mentor Support System• Provides Encouragement and

Direction to Mentors• Meets During Club Meeting• Facilitated by Mentor Director, Club

Social Worker or Other Club Leader

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Mentor CohortsManual III-29 & 30

Purpose of Mentor Cohort• Meaningful Words of Encouragement• Safe Environment• Sharing Of Wisdom• Prayer

Things to Keep In Mind• Ideally groups of 15 or less• Sufficient Club Staff

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Mentor CohortsManual III-29 & 30

1. Announcements 5 minutes

2. Individual Sharing time 15 minutes highlights/setbacks/questions/ relationship/activity ideas

3. Prayer:a praise + a request 10 minutes The topics shared in this meeting often contain information

that the mentor director may wish to follow up on between meetings. This may include additional

encouragement, resources, prayer, direction, etc.